


Teach Me Tonight

by fantasycloud



Category: The 100 (TV), Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Genre: Blood, Drama & Romance, F/F, Guilt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Sarcasm, Tears, Vampire Academy - Freeform, Violence, alternative universe - Vampire Academy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-04-17 20:37:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 66,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4680548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantasycloud/pseuds/fantasycloud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Clarke decides to transfer from her old school in Europe to st. Vladimir's Academy, she had no plans on falling for someone. She just wanted to get her education and then continue with her life. But when she sees Lexa for the first time, she knows that she's screwed. And when Lexa is assigned to be her Dhampir, she feels even more drawn to her. But it isn't until she sees Lexa train when an obvious statement pops up in her head.</p><p>She wants to learn how.</p><p>One problem though, it's forbidden. If they get caught? Well let's just say that it isn't pretty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Girl With The Piercing Green Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone that found their way here! This is my first Clexa fanfic and I hope u'll enjoy it!  
> (And forgive me if my grammar or spelling is wrong, english is not my native language)

She sat in the backseat of a black van with toned windows, surrounded of black clothed scary-looking dhampirs. She was in the middle of two of them and she should feeling safe, but all she felt was dread and worry. She looked out on the forest that flew by the windows of the car and she could tell by the light that the sun was just about to set. 

She had imagined how it would feel to be free for so long, and now was the first time that she actually felt it. She had to admit to herself that this felt good, a thing she said to herself for at least the 100th time but this time actually meaning it. 

This decision had been the right one to make. She told herself that if she repeated it constantly in her head, it would start getting true. But she also still held memories of her past that she couldn’t shake, and she couldn’t help it when those popped into her mind. She tried to shake them off, not wanting them to prevent any first impressions of her new normal. When the van slowly approached a big black gate with ”st. Vladimir’s Academy” spelled in the bars with big letters, her mind was racing. This is about to get real, she thought to herself and it felt like a punch to her stomach, not ready of the force behind it, she staggered within.

The van came to a halt and she looked out one of the toned windows. There was a man approaching them, also clothed in black, and she noticed the silver dagger strapped to his leg held up by a metal cuff. She could see the stiff movements he did, ready if the van would appear to be trap. She gulped, but her gaze was drawn to the guy in the front seat when he pulled the window down.

”Quint, we have the Griffin princess, let us through,” he said in a voice that tipped her off that he was in some kind of a leader position. Her guess was right because the second those words were uttered she saw how the guard gave a slight nod and disappeared out of her eyesight. 

The gate were slowly pushed open so that the van easily could slip through. They only went a couple of minutes on a lonely dirt road when the school itself appeared. It was as dramatic and domestic that people said with it’s high towers and stone statures. She barely had time to register the number of people that were walking across campus before the van stopped. She followed the men and climbed out of the car, she was even offered a hand which she took out of politeness, but let go of the second her feet touched the ground.

”This way, princess,” he said and started walking. ”The headmaster is waiting for you.”

She followed after him and averted her eyes to the ground when she started to feel everyones eyes settle on her, but of course, she was used to it. She was after all a very unusual Moroi, no one else before her had gotten the title ”half royal”, but since her mother came from the most respectful and powerful line of royal bloodline there was, there had to be a solution.  
Her mom, Abby Dragomir, fell for a totally normal Moroi without a drop of royal blood in his body, but she couldn’t help herself for falling for him. His name was Jake Griffin and there was a big fight between Abby and her parents which caused her to move to Europe. To irritate her parents even more, they decided that their daughter’s last name would be Griffin and that’s why Clarke never could be fully royal, to be royal you must have a royal last name. But since Abby’s parents were the king and queen at the time they quickly came up with making Clarke half royal, something that’s never been done before.

She could feel the stares, hear the whispers. She took a deep breath and looked up and held her head high. She knew that if she let it get to her, she would never get through her remaining year here.

She followed the man through a big opening in the wall and into a large red room with big castle-like windows overlooking the campus, and in the middle of the room stood a big black desk. She had to look twice at the woman in the chair behind the desk, because she looked utterly out of place and she looked about her own age.

”You’re Clarke, right? Clarke Griffin?” she said and Clarke had to shake herself a little before she answered.

”Yes, are you the headmaster?” She heard the other woman chuckle and then she shook her head.

”No, I’m Octavia, Mr. Jaha had an urgent meeting, he will see you after the tour I’m about to give you instead,” she said and smiled and walked up to her. ”You’re a spirituser?” Clarke nodded. ”Okay, good, just checking, I’m a spirituser too,” she said and Clarke felt a weight lifted off her shoulders. On her old school she was the only one with spirit as her power. ”So first,” Octavia continued, ”I’m going to show you to your room, you have to share it tho, but I think that I saw Maya listed as your roommate, and she’s cool,” the brunette babbled. Clarke felt a slight smile tug at her lips, feeling that this was a girl she could see herself hanging out with. Octavia linked her arm with hers, as if they had been friends forever, and started walking out of the red office and steered her out onto a road that led to several large buildings.

”Okay, so there’s different dorms for the Moroi and the Dhampir’s, ours is placed near where we have our classes and the Dhampir’s have theirs near the training compound, it’s that way because it’s practical,” she started to explain. ”And of course there are different areas for boys and girls, our rooms are on the second floor and the boys have their rooms on the first floor. The curfew is 9 AM, and I advise you not to go out after that, I mean the sun sure is a pain in the ass, of course, but you don’t want to get caught here, they have strict rules.” She said and stiffened slightly in her steps, but soon continued walking as if nothing happened. Clarke thought that it was best not to push the subject, she did not want to envade on her new friends privacy. After that they walked in silence for a moment, but Clarke didn’t mind, she took the other girl’s presence as comfort and safety while they made their way over to a building she highly suspected were the dorms.

They reached the building that led to the dorms and Octavia headed for a staircase placed almost in the doorway and the staircase that looked as dominant as the rest of the school. Why had everything look so scary? Octavia noticed her looking at it and laughed. 

”You’ll get used to it, trust me.”

When they had climbed the last set of steps of the staircase they were immediately met by a long corridor with doors on both sides of it. Octavia pointed to a door on the right side.

”That’s my door, I share it with a dumb blonde, no offense” she quickly added, but Clarke chuckled and shook her head. ”Anyways, her name is Monroe and she’s hardly ever there, so don’t be a stranger,” she said and winked, but before Clarke could answer a door opened and a girl with black hair and fair skin walked out. When she saw them she instantly smiled and waved.

”Hey, you’re Clarke right? I’m Maya, your roommate,” she explained and walked up to them. ”And Octavia, have you told her about the guardian situation yet?” she asked the brunette. Octavia shook her head. 

”I haven’t gotten to that part yet, but now that you’re here, you can come with us on our tour, I was just about to show Clarke her room.” 

Maya nooded and followed Clarke and Octavia into their shared room. 

It was an ordinary room, two beds of the opposite sides of the room, two desks and two wardrobes. Clarke stepped in and looked around and easily guessed which side was hers. Maya’s side were decorated with colorful pillows, multiple photos of her and a guy with brownish hair and goggles and on her desk were stacks of books. On her side there was nothing yet, just white walls, white duvets and the wooden furniture. Clarke sat on the bed and gently stroke the cover. This should work, she thought quietly to herself before turning to the two girls that watched her with curiosity.

”You said that you both were spiritusers?”

They nodded and smiled and Clarke felt her own lips mimic theirs.

”On my old school I was the only one, it’s going to be fun to have something in common with you people for once,” she joked and stood up. ”Is it anyone else except for you two?”

”Yeah,” Maya said, ”there are four other boys. Jasper, he’s the one in the photos,” she said and a slight blush appeared on her cheeks and a big goofy smile. ”And then it’s Bellamy, he’s Octavia’s brother, he’s two years older but he’s still in our grade. Then it’s just Monty and Wells left, Monty has been here, like, forever with Jasper and Wells is the Headmaster’s son,” she finished and looked up at Octavia. ”Is there anything more…” she said to herself as if she were checking a list in her head. ”Oh, I almost forgot, there’s a new system in the works, every Moroi, royal, half royal on non royal, whatever, are entitled a Dhampir for protection. Also it’s great practice for the Dhampir’s, before this was just a field experience, but this year they decided to make it more permanent and extended it to the whole schoolyear.” She explained and Clarke nodded to show that she understood. 

”They must take their training here very seriously if they did that,” Clarke said, mostly to herself, but the other two hastily nodded. 

”Yes, since these Dhampir’s will be protecting the more ”important” Moroi’s,” Octavia said. ”We’re supposed to find out today at dinner which one that’s been assigned to us,” she said with a exited smile. But then she glanced to the clock and quickly grabbed Clarke’s wrist.

”Ohmygod, we are supposed to be in the headmaster’s office in, like, three minutes!” she said and started running towards the stairs. Clarke only had time to wave at Maya in the doorway before she was yanked from her feet. As a Moroi, running or exercising did not come naturly, so when they reached the red room, they were both panting and Clarke had to steady herself against Octavia. 

When they stepped into the headmaster’s office a man was seated in the chair this time and he looked up at them when then entered.

”Sorry sir,” Octavia said breathlessly. ”We met Maya and we started talking.”

”It’s alright Octavia, you were just showing Clarke around, which I asked you to do. Now, will you please wait outside? I just have to discuss some things with Clarke and then you can escort her to dinner,” he said with a tone that showed that he was tired and that she was dismissed.

”Of course, sir,” she said and quickly stepped outside, leaving Clarke standing in the middle of the room by herself, making Clarke miss the girls presence and warmth.

”Sit, Clarke,” said the headmaster as if had read her mind. Clarke gave herself a slight shake and went and sat in the chair that was facing him. 

 

When she left his office, thirty minutes had passed and she was surprised when she saw Octavia still sitting in an armchair near the office. She thought that the brunette had gone down to dinner.

When she saw Clarke walking up to her she jumped out of the armchair and smiled at her. 

”Come, let’s go down to dinner, I’m starving.”

”Octavia, you could have gone down without me, I’m sure that I would’ve found it eventually myself,” Clarke said because she felt bad for her for waiting. But Octavia just shook her head and linked their arms again.

”Jaha said that I had to wait, so I waited. But,” she continued,”I wanted to wait, and I want to introduce you to my friends.” She started walking towards a building that she assumed were the dining hall. When they crossed over the entryway loud voices filled Clarke’s ears and she took in the scene in front of her. It was a mix between Moroi and Dhampir’s, the Moroi had cups to drink their blood from and the Dhampir’s ate ordinary food. Today it was pizza judging of the smell, but Clarke only wrinkled her nose. Pizza did not appear appealing to her in the slightest way, but blood did. She was the one that took Octavia in the arm this time and steered her to the line where you had your cup filled with freshly drawn blood. Octavia laughed but followed and thanked Clarke when she handed her a cup. 

”Come on Clarke, my friends are eager to meet you,” she said and Clarke started to follow her, but at the sound of her name it was like the volume was turned down to zero. It was dead quiet and everyone was staring at her. Clarke gulped and averted her gaze, again, to the floor. She grabbed Octavia’s arm and tried steering her away, but she stood her ground. 

”What are you all looking at?!” Octavia shouted. ”Have you never seen a Moroi before?” Suddenly everyone was busy to start talking again, and it made Clarke think that Octavia was a true blessing.

”Right now, you are my favorite person,” she said and hugged the girl. She was obviously caught off guard because she stiffened, but Clarke felt that her hands lightly encircled Clarke’s back. ”Thank you,” Clarke said and let her go. Maybe after this the other students might just leave her alone. Octavia gave her a wide grin before she guided her to her friends table.

”Clarke, this is Jasper, Monty, my idiot brother Bellamy, Wells and you’ve already met Maya,” she said and pointed at them when she said their names. Bellamy started to wave, but stopped to glare at his sister. ”and everyone, this is Clarke,” she finished. Everyone greeted her and made up space around the table for them to fit. 

Clarke had, after just ten minutes there, decided that she liked these people very much. She found out in a second that Maya and Jasper were dating, because they were glued to each other the whole time. Monty and Jasper were also best friends but they acted like they were brothers, and Octavia and Bellamy acted like true siblings. They argued, bickered and were incredibly funny to watch. Clarke talked with Wells for a bit, instantly liking the boys talk about the spirit’s different powers. When Clarke told him that she was best in dreamwalking, everyone gasped.

”We can’t do that, they don’t teach that here,” Wells said and looked jealous. ”We only get to learn how to charm objects and heal other people…” Everyone agreed with sad nods, but they soon seemed happier when Clarke offered to help them if they wanted to.

When Clarke drank the last drop of blood from her cup, her eyes danced around the dining hall and she found them being drawn like a magnet to a green pair of eyes that was studying her at the other end of the room.

When her piercing green eyes meet Clarke’s blue ones, Clarke’s heart started beating a million miles a minute. When the girl with the green eyes noticed that Clarke have found her staring, she quickly looked away, but Clarke couldn’t.  
Clarke’s eyes quickly roamed over the girls body and she felt herself frozen in place. She was beautiful. The first thing she notices is how the girl stands, her posture, her deliverance. So much dignity and prowess is written in it and it leaves Clarke gasping for breath. When the girl tipped her head forward, her perfect, brown, curly hair falls over her shoulders and it reveals tiny braids that is woven in her hair, making it stay in place.

She has no idea how long she stares at the girl, but suddenly a hand appears in front of her eyes and Clarke blinks rapidly and turns around. She finds that everyone is staring at her, and Clarke feel her cheeks heat up.

”What?”

”We’ve been trying to talk to you for the past minute, but you kind of zoned out a bit,” Octavia said with a smile and she followed to where Clarke had been staring. When she found the green eyed girl, she heard Octavia sigh.

”Clarke-” she started, but she was interrupted by a voice carried out with help of speakers.

”Can I get everyone’s attention, please? Quiet down, quiet down,” headmaster Jaha’s voice said. Octavia shot her a glance that said ”later” and Clarke rolled her eyes. ”Right, so,” he said when the high voices had disappeared, ”now I’m going to leave the word to Indra, one of our training teachers who are going to present the dhampir that you’ve been placed with.” 

The Moroi crowd applauded politely when a woman appeared on the stage while the Dhampir crowd threw in whistles and shouts. Clarke watched as the woman made her way over to the microphone and then she turned to them. Her mouth were in a thin line and she stood stiff with her hands behind her back. When the applause died down she started speaking.

”As the headmaster said, I am now going to present the Dhampir that you are assigned to for the rest of your remaining school years. You cannot change these decisions. To all Dhampirs, when your name is called you will walk up here and receive a small package that contains important information about your assigned Moroi.” It was by now dead quiet in the cafeteria, Indra’s serious voice ran through the speakers into everyone’s bones and made them cower into their chairs. ”So, let us begin. First, Anya Lachman, you are assigned to Jasper Jordan.” Jasper huffed out a breath and his shoulders shrunk. 

”She’s scary as hell!” He whispered and everyone in earshot sniggered. Just then Anya appeared on stage, and Jasper was right, Anya did look scary as hell. She were tall and you could see multiple visible tatoos on her arms. She walked across it with long steps and received a small package with information about Jasper from Jaha and then quickly left the same way she came from.

”Lincoln Whittle are assigned to Octavia Blake,” she continued and Octavia squealed in happiness. And when he man walked up on the stage, she could undersand why. The guy that walked up on the stage had a sunburn, his hair was carefully styled, it was shaved, but he a had let it grow in the middle making it look like a stripe that leaped across his skull. And he looked very intimidating, but not in his eyes that was Anya’s case. It was all his muscles that made him look that way. And, okay, he was hot. Clarke could see why Octavia wanted him to be her guardian.

And on it went, all of Clarke’s newfound friends got their guardian, but Clarke’s name remained unspoken of. Maybe they didn’t get her one, maybe there wasn’t enough dhampirs or enough time for them to get her one. But Clarke’s mind were somewhere else at the moment, her eyes had begun to search through the cafeteria after the green eyed girl, but she couldn’t find her anywhere. Clarke then moved to the line of dhampirs, but the line were so messy. After a while, she sighed and turned her attention back to Indra who was pronouncing the last names. She watched three more dhampirs go up and accept their package. And then came the last name.

”And last, Lexa Woods and your Moroi is Clarke Griffin.” Clarke nearly choked when she sees her going up the stairs to the stage, because it’s her. She watches how she strides over to Jaha with gracious, but determined, steps and how she quickly looks over her shoulder and her eyes immideatly falls on her own, but in a heartbeat she’s gone down the steps again and Indra’s talking. 

Clarke blinks and tries to focus on Indra, but it is hard. She tries to find her again, but gives up because all the dhampirs are dressed in the same way, dark clothes and they are moving around too much.

The only two things that swirls in her mind then is that this is either a very good thing, or a very, very bad thing.


	2. Safe In My Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's first encounter with Lexa does not play out exactly as Clarke would have thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your nice and loving comments on my first chapter, it is nice to be given feedback and read what people are thinking about it. Hope this one is equally as good :)

When Indra had stepped off the stage, everyone moved to exit the caféteria. Clarke grabbed on to one of Octavia’s wrists so she would not be separated from them, because Clarke did not know how to get to any of her classes yet, and her thoughts were still clouded with her, Lexa’s, green eyes. They moved in a line, carefully slipping in empty spaces, dodging other moving bodies. It was as if they had figured out a pattern. 

When they reached the point where they could move freely, Clarke let go of Octavia’s wrist and walked up beside her and Maya. 

“Which subject do we have now?” Clarke asked, remembering Jaha saying that everyone with the same power followed the same afternoon schedule and that Clarke would have to choose four other courses that would take place in the morning.

“We have history,” Maya said and grimaced. “It’s not my favorite subject, but it’s mandatory.”

“History?” Clarke echoed and she felt how the anxiety started to build. It was her least favorite subject because it mostly touched the area about her family. She comes from the Dragomir line, one of the most powerful bloodlines and a line of the most powerful kings and queens, and therefore the Dragomir bloodline is spoken of the most. And since her existence has created a whole new type of Moroi, her name is also mentioned quite often.

Maya, as if she could read Clarke’s mind, bumped her shoulder against Clarke’s own and gave her a reassuring smile. “We’ve got your back,” she said and Clarke could feel a smile forming on her own lips. She is just about to thank her when she feels as if the air from her lungs have disappeared. 

And it is not just a feeling, it is real. 

She gasps and feel pain building in her head, her body's instinct is to soothe the pain so she brings her hands up and hold them against her temples where the pain is worst, but no amount of pressing actually helps. That doesn't stop her from trying though.  
Her head is pounding, so forcefully that she can hardly hear herself think, let alone hear the shouts around her that is coming from her friends, and without air, it is hard to focus on anything else at the moment.  
Clarke is determined not to show her pain on too grand a scale, but the motion is automatic. She feels her knees buckle under her and she falls to the ground. She thinks that she is about to pass because her heart pounds furiously and painfully beneath her ribs, as if it’s trying to beat it’s way out, when when the air suddenly reappears. 

She draws several big, deep breaths and is holding a hand over her heart as if she is trying to soothe it back into it’s normal rhythm. When she finally feels balanced she looks up, searching for the cause of her near death experience. In front of her stands three guys, the one in the middle towering over her with his arms crossed over his chest and a menacing smile on his lips.

“You okay down there, princess?” He said, his friends laughing behind him. But it was laughter without humor, it was laughter that was filled with hate and mocking. Clarke only stared up on them, not trusting to voice out was she have to say because of the dread of her voice shaking out of exhaustion, and it can not be mistaken for fear. Because Clarke is not scared. She is not even a little afraid. They are just ordinary bullies, it shows in every face around her. She push off of the ground and stands, holding her head high and looks into his eyes. She could feel one of her friends hands on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off, not needing any signs from her friends of comforting right now. Not when this moment could decide if she was going to be bullied and tortured the whole remaining school year, or be left alone.

“What have I done you?” She asks and is actually curious about the answer. But the answer that comes out of his mouth is far from what she had expected.

“Well, you haven’t done anything, yet, but your family have,” he says and he has cleared every drop of humor from his voice. Now it is dead serious and Clarke knows that he is not just pissed off, he is seeking revenge. “When I was seven, I got the flu and we couldn’t pay for the medicine so my father tried to steal some. But he was caught and was sentenced to ten years in prison. Ten years only because he stole some medicine to heal his only son. But, do you know what happened to him?” he asked without stopping for an answer. “While he was in there, he got sick. He got the Sandovsky’s Syndrome and died after only two years. But here comes the funny part,” he said and Clarke could now see the pain in his eyes, it was hidden in them, but Clarke knew that look. She wore it herself. “The funny part of it all is that they didn’t tell us, the ones who were guarding him in the prison. When we were there to get him ten years later, then they told us.” He was now shaking with anger. “And that would’ve never happened if your family were a little more forgiving, I mean, they did make you half royal just because they wanted to keep their precious bloodline in the works.”

It was snat until now that Clarke understood why he decided to take his anger and his revenge in her. He was not mad because his father went to prison. He was not mad because he died in there without having someone contacting them. He was mad because they made a one-time rule for Clarke, breaking several themselfs upon making it, so that they could keep their bloodline alive, but they could not oversee the crime of a father stealing medicine for his sick son.

The thought made Clarke sick to her stomach. How could someone do that, and then not inform the family when the person had died? She took a step forward, not really sure what she was about to do, but she stopped when she felt her lungs where without air again. She started to gasp and groan when she felt the headache growing, but surprisingly it stopped. 

And then she came.

She only catched a glimpse of her when she flew by her side, blurry brown hair and black clothes, before she, again, fell to the ground. Her world spun and swayed a little bit, but not enough to watch the scene play out before her eyes. Her moves was gracious and beautiful, but at the same time, deadly and dangerous. Her body languish showed strength, determination, and a strong vibe of the phrase “back off, or else”. 

Clarke did not need to see a face to figure out who it was that had come to her aid. She would recognize Lexa anywhere.

The guy that had been talking to her was now laying pinned to the ground, hands on either side of his face while Lexa where on top of him, holding them down. Her face were inches away from his and Clarke could hear that his breathing was a lot faster. Around them Clarke could hear gasps and terrified little screams, but her eyes only saw Lexa. Because she was now only a few feet away from her, and she was even more beautiful up close. But she chose to ignore those feelings for now, Lexa was, after all, pinning a guy to the ground. 

When Lexa seemed satisfied enough that he was not about to attack Clarke again, she stood up, dragging him with her. But she did not let go of his hands. He tried to wrench them out of her strong handhold, but she did not let go. Instead she slowly bent them backwards, slowly, but with extreme force. Clarke knew it hurt because soon the guy started panting, but she also knew that he never would give in to the pain by making a sound of pain. But Lexa did not care. She took a step closer to him and said the first sentence Clarke had ever hear from her.

“Attack her and you attack me.” 

Clarke saw the guy gulp, but he clenched his jaw. Lexa released her hold on him, making him stumble backwards a little bit, before she turned around to Clarke who was, still, laying on the ground.

When their eyes met, Clarke could almost swear that she saw Lexa swallow. Her green eyes that stared into her own seemed so much more alive and full with emotion and even more beautiful than before, although Clarke had no idea how that was possible. Lexa slowly extended her hand for Clarke to take, and Clarke took it equally slow, knowing the coming jolt of electricity that seemed to flow through their connected hands. When the warmth from Lexa’s hand flowed through her body Clarke got the feeling of never wanted to let it go. But when Lexa gently helped her to her feet she, of course, withdrew her hand, but that did not make the press and warmth of Lexa’s hand disappear on her skin.

“Thank you,” Clarke said and ignored her friends that was standing in the background because they did not want to interfere with Clarke and Lexa’s conversation, but at the same time they wanted to talk to her and make sure she was okay.

“You do not need to thank me, Clarke,” she said, and Clarke nearly lost it when she heard her name on the other girl’s lips. Her name had never once sounded so sexy, not even when Finn said it she had felt this way. But at the same time Lexa had made Clarke feel all sorts of things that she never had felt before, not knowing some of those feelings even existed for her to feel, and she only had known of her existence for about one hour. “It is my duty to protect you from this day, until your last day here,” she continued after a moment. “I am sorry that I could not reach you faster, Indra had some extra information for me and I did not know that you were in trouble,” she finished. In her eyes true guilt showed and it warmed Clarke’s heart that she felt genuinely sorry only because she had not been by her side, even though Clarke never were in any real danger.

“It’s alright, you were just in time for the second round,” Clarke joked and offered a smile. She could sense that Lexa were searching in her eyes for signs of any pain or if she were lying, but she nodded and turned to the other dhampir’s behind her, they were alert and standing in guarding positions, ready if anyone came after her again. They flanked each other Clarke figured out and recognized Anya and Lincoln among the group of dhampir’s. They had been working as a team Clarke saw now, they had pushed aside several Moroi to get over here and Lexa had then gracefully sprinted to stop the guy from torturing Clarke. She was amazed at how well they were trained, but at a school like this one they probably had very skilled teachers.

Clarke then turned around to her friends that had patiently waited for her. Once they saw that her attention was on them they quickly emerged and everyone was talking at the same time.

“Oh My God, I’m going to kill Murphy!” Octavia exclaimed and hugged Clarke, “Murphy” apparently being the guy that just talked and hurt her.

“Are you okay Clarke?” Maya asked the second after and hugged both Clarke and Octavia. She could hear the guys asking the similar questions so she smiled softly and patted the girls on their backs.

“I’m good guys, a little tired maybe” she admitted but right now it did not matter if she showed her tiredness. This group would not judge her if she did not live up to her name, she could just feel it. She separated herself from the hugging girls and motioned them forward.

“Come on or we’re going to be late for history,” Clarke said and nearly laughed at their faces. “I don’t want to be late on my first class, then I’m going to be the girl that skipped class only because of a little headache,” she explained.

“Clarke, it’s okay if you want to lie down, he would understand if you don’t show,” Bellamy said, and Clarke assumed that “he” was him referring to the teacher. But Clarke shook her head. 

“Come on,” she said convincingly one last time and this time they listened, but Clarke threw her glance on Lexa who looked right at her. The others started walking, but Clarke waited until she was last. She waited a little longer, but just long enough so she felt Lexa’s warmth beside her before she started walking.

“Are you sure you do not need to lie down?” Lexa asked out of concern. “You do look awfully pale,” she added and Clarke felt her gaze on her face, but she looked straight forward.

“I’m fine. Do you come with us to class? Because you do have to follow me around now, like 24/7?” she asked and held her breath. “Yes” Lexa simply answered and Clarke’s head turned and her eyes locked with Lexa’s instantly. “Good.” She paused a second, both because she first, had just had admitted that it was good that Lexa would be staying at her side and second, was not sure if she dared asking her the following question or not, but it was something about her that made it easy for Clarke to decide on the former one. 

“Did you know that?” When Lexa raised an eyebrow at her she clarified herself. “About Murphy’s dad I mean, did you know what my family did to him?” The last part of sentence barely came out of her mouth without her choking on it. Lexa’s eyes softened, but nodded.  
“Yes, he found out about it about three months ago, the headmaster held a memorial. His dad was a teacher here,” she finished. But that did not help Clarke, she only felt even more broken. 

“Why is my family so cruel and screwed up? I mean, my mum let me have my dad’s last name just because she knew that it would piss off her mum and dad,” she exclaimed and looked away from Lexa’s eyes. 

“I did not know that,” she heard Lexa say after a pause with a tone that showed disgust. But it did not matter to her anyway, that was how Clarke had always felt. 

“How much do you know about my family’s history? Do your lessons that include the Moroi history?” she asked out of curiosity.

“Yes, we do read your history, but we only scratch the surface. We never go into the details of it,” she says. Clarke sighed in relief. When Lexa looked at her with a clear look of confusion, Clarke smiled and said, “It’s nice to talk to someone that doesn’t know everything about you, you know? It’s like I can be myself without needing to put up my usual defenses, if that makes any sense,” she said saw how a small smile kissed Lexa’s lips, making a mental note to herself to make the other girl smile more.

“Yes,” she answered. After that they walked in silence in the middle of her friends and Lexa’s friends. But it was not an awkward silence, it was a comforting one and Clarke enjoyed every second of it. But they were too soon at the classroom and Clarke had to go over and sit down behind a desk while Lexa went to stand at the door and put on a stiff and serious expression making her seem so much more fierce and ready to jump into action if anything happened. Clarke tried not to glance over at her, but it was hard. 

“Okay, class! Today we are going to be discussing the time when our king and queen were chosen to be so, and more importantly, why they were chosen to be so,” the teacher said and Clarke groaned inside. Why could not her family had been normal? If they were a normal family they would not be discussing her family’s history in class every time. But on the plus side, she never had to study for a history test. She rested her head on top of her arms when the teacher started talking and sat there half asleep, waiting for the class to end. 

 

When they day finally came to an end, Clarke was exhausted. She had gone through History, Advanced calculus, Spirit using and Spirit theory and its history. All she wanted to do was go and lie down, but Clarke and Maya had to go to the counseling office because their room could not contain four sleeping people on separate beds at once.

“Sir,” Maya said and was shortly given a “Yes?”, before she continued. “Is there any available room left? We can’t be four people sleeping in there, it just doesn’t fit four beds in there.” Her voice was sweet and compelling, Clarke guessed that she used it on him a little because she learned that Maya was very skilled at compelling. But the counselor were aware of her tricks, so he kept his head down in his book, pretending to be reading.

“No I’m sorry Ms Vie, there are no more available rooms, but I suggest that someone of you stays in your dhampir’s current room. They will be empty,” he said and waved them away as if he was very busy, not affected by her compelling. Maya sighed and turned around to Clarke, on her lips lay a tight smile that did not reach her eyes and her body languish told Clarke that she was sad, but prepared, to give up her room, because even if it was Maya’s home here, she would not think twice about changing to make Clarke feel at home. But Clarke would not let her do that.

“Then I’ll go pack,” she said and went past her, but Clarke grabbed her wrist.

“No you won’t, I just arrived and I don’t have anything with me. I’ll stay at Lexa’s,” she said and threw on an convincing voice, not wanting to disturb the other girl. And Maya was so sweet to her, she did not want to be the reason she had to move out.

“You’re sure?” she raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “The dhampir dorms are at the other side of campus, you’ll have to get up earlier,” she pointed out. Clarke nodded and smiled. “I’m sure.” Maya flashed her a real smile this time, and stepped out of the office, Clarke leaving shortly after her but paused when a thought crossed her mind. It might would have been good to clear her sleeping arrangement with Lexa before she said that it was okay to Maya, since it was Lexa’s room and Lexa’s call to make. Clarke bit on her lip nervously before making her way over to where Lexa stood with Maya’s dhampir, Echo, guarding the entrance. 

When Lexa saw Clarke approach her, she arched an eyebrow at Clarke because of her clear awkward state. She turned around so that she was fully facing the blonde who now had her head bent slightly forward, her blue eyes trained on the floor. 

“Apparently there aren’t any available rooms,” she started and quickly glanced up on Lexa’s face who still showed confusion so Clarke threw in a quick explaination. “Maya’s room is too small for four people, and let’s face it, it’s her room, I only just got here today.” 

Clarke looked up again, in her eyes this time, to find that Lexa now started to get what she was trying to say, but she wanted the question out so that they were both on the same page. “I guess what I’m trying to ask is, and I know that I totally should have talked with you about this first because it is your room and therefore your decision, but then again I didn’t know that this was going to be a problem-” 

Clarke was cut out in mid sentence when Lexa gently laid a hand on her shoulder to get her to stop rambling and looked at her with a calming expression in her eyes. “It is fine Clarke, I do not care in which room we sleep in,” she said, her hand only lingered a second too long on her shoulder before she took it back. Clarke swallowed and tried not to acknowledge the warmth and electricity that flooded through that single touch, but she failed miserably. 

But with that realization a question quickly emerged in her head, causing her to tremble slightly. If only a hand on her shoulder made her feel warm and dizzy, if only a look into those green eyes of hers made her breathless and frozen in place, then what would sleeping right next to her make her feel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, hope you liked this one! And just to let those who wonders know, I do not have a posting schedule. I write when I have time or is feeling inspired, but it's going to be within the next couple of days ;)
> 
> Comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated! <3


	3. When I Look At You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first night together, Clarke makes a discovery and she turns it into a pleasant surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kind words and the love on the previous chapters! Every comment and kudos makes my day! This chapter became done faster than I planned because I was home sick... 
> 
> Hope you will enjoy this "fluffy" one, I thought it was quite enjoyable to write. 
> 
> \- fanatsycloud :)

After dinner, Clarke was so tired. Even the floor looked comfortable, and it was made of stone. Having being tortured, flying a plane from Europe and trying to find her way around campus clearly was too much for her. Her eyelids felt as sandpaper against her dried eyes and her body moved forward like a zombie. Clarke barely registered her friends saying before they headed off to the Moroi dorms, while Clarke stood left behind with Lexa. It was becoming light outside so Clarke and Lexa headed to Lexa’s dorm room in silence. Clarke felt grateful for the silence, if she even attempted to speak, it would only come out as a mumble, if even that. She heard voices as the neared the dhampir dorms, laughs and shouts, but when they stepped over the threshold, everyone went silent.

“Commander,” Clarke heard one voice say, and she wondered what on earth the voice meant by that. But Clarke saw Lexa nod, so she must know what they meant by that. Making a mental note to her already growing list of questions she soon should ask, she followed Lexa who waited for her at the first steps of the staircase. Clarke had to force her legs to move up the steps of the staircase, but in the end she had to latch on to the bannister and had to drag herself up. Lexa stood patiently waiting for her at the top of the stairs, but she did not help her. Clarke was thankful for that, Lexa may have saved her from Murphy earlier, but a staircase was something Clarke could actually master on her own.

“This way,” Lexa said and went through the first door on her left. Clarke cheered on the inside as she steered her feet towards the door, because she did not have to walk anymore. But when she went inside of Lexa’s room, it was as if she forgot her tiredness.

Lexa’s room felt so… Home. Not at all what she had had in mind. Books lay spread over the desk, some open and some in a messy pile, they all was about history. Her bed was placed against the wall facing the door, and over it hanged a light trail, making the room glow. In the window there were plants and colorful flowers that looked well taken care of, making the room look alive. On the wall that the door was on there was a full length mirror, a light trail was placed there to and photos had been tucked into the frame. And by just looking at it, Clarke felt so warm and she felt that she got to know Lexa a bit more. The books were about history, so she guessed that she was some kind of an history nerd. Clarke smiled and turned to Lexa who stood at her desk.

“I am sorry for the mess,” she stated and started to pick up the books that lay open and move them to a shelf above her bed, but Clarke stopped her with a hand on her arm. 

“I don’t mind the mess, this is perfect,” she said and after that comment she saw Lexa blush for the first time, and it was adorable. the redness that crept up on her cheeks made her look younger in a way, her expression changes from her serious one. But she quickly moved away, bending her head forward and letting her hair fall as a curtain over her face, but Clarke pretended to not have noticed. Instead she dropped her bag that she had been holding and put it carefully in a corner, giving Lexa time to regain herself. 

When Clarke looked up again, Lexa stood next to her, holding out a toothbrush. “The sink is through that door there, and while you are gone I will set up your bed.”

Clarke immediately shook her head. “I can do that, you don’t have to,” she protested, but Lexa merely sighed. 

“You do not know where the spare bed is, Clarke” she said, then paused and looked her up and down with a judging look, then adding, “besides, it looks like you are going to pass out.” If Clarke had not been feeling like just that, she had been ready with an equally as smart ass comment, but instead she just glared at her. She took the out held toothbrush from Lexa’s still outstretched hand and some sleepwear and marched into the bathroom with her head held high. Clarke could hear her chuckle a bit before she closed the door, and it made Clarke warm inside. A smile replaced the glare on her face and she went over to the sink. The bathroom looked like any other bathroom, nothing special. White tiles on the walls, grey tiles on the floor, a toilet and a sink on one wall and a built-in bathtub stretched between the two facing walls.

She went to look in the mirror that hung above the sink and took in her reflection. Lexa was right, it did look like she was about to pass out. Her eyes seemed to have lost their normal look and was now replaced with one that screamed “TIRED” and bags were very visible under her eyes. Her shoulders hung and her breathing came quicker than it normally did. She sighed but took out her toothbrush and put toothpaste on it, then lazily dragging it over her teeth.

At dinner Octavia had been kind to have given her a quick mini lesson about the field test thing that the dhampir’s now did because that did not happen in Clarke’s old school. There the dhampir’s just got sent away to the larger school in Russia to do their field test because there the Moroi numbers were always larger than the dhampir’s, so there was enough left.

Apparently this field test had only been in motion for the past year, but that was also the reason why they did not give the Moroi so much information this time. The dhampir’s that were going to do it this year got, of course, all needed information before the ceremony took place because this is dead serious to them. The dhampir’s that does this test had already graduated from school but to become a guardian they needed a certificate that said that they had fulfilled this field test. And that was why every dhampir that were guarding them were at least one year older. There was some that were even two or three years older, but that only depended on when they had started their education.

The dhampir’s that was going to take their certificate this year were assigned to the moroi’s that were going to graduate this year, Octavia did not know why exactly, she said it was something with the dhampir’s and the moroi’s blending a little, but that sounded a little vague. The actual field test only test the dhampir’s on chosen moths, weeks or days. So the attacks does not come every week of the year, because the training teachers and few of the guardians that guarded the school could not abandon their posts to fake-attack the dhampir’s all the time. But that did not mean that they could ignore their moroi’s in the time of an attack free period, surprises could come at any time and in any place, just as in the normal world.  
Octavia had then said “Always be prepared” and that got Clarke thinking that Octavia said that out of habit, but she, again, did not ask what she meant by that.

The dhampir’s had weekends off to do what they wanted, and that often meant that they trained, since they already finished the part of school where they had homework when they were not guarding their moroi.

Octavia kept glancing at Clarke as if she wanted to add something, but then with a quick glance at Lexa who sat at the same table, she looked down and trailed her finger around the lid of her cup. Clarke quickly made the realization of that this was the aftermath of the look Octavia gave her when she caught her staring at Lexa, Octavia just sitting on information clearly made her uneasy and frustrated. But Clarke chose not to dwell over it, whatever Octavia was thinking about was clearly not good and Clarke wanted to get to know Lexa before Octavia came and told her stuff that probably was only just rumors anyway. 

Clarke was drawn out of her thoughts when a loud noise came from outside the door. She quickly put on the large oversized t-shirt with the logo of her favorite band, “The Ark”, and some pajama shorts before exiting the bathroom. Out there Lexa was standing with the arms hanging lifeless at her sides, her eyes were trained on a spot in the empty air as if she was far, far away. It almost seemed as if she were sad, lost at sea. Clarke felt a tug somewhere in her, wanting to go over to her and comfort her, but she also knew that the girl would never accept her help. Or well, she did not know if she would, but the girl had been very reserved and stiff all day.

Clarke cleared her throat, trying not to scare Lexa, but she still jumped a little and she tore her gaze from the air and they landed on Clarke. First, Lexa seemed embarrassed for being caught, but then, her eyes saw Clarke’s partly exposed body. Then it was Clarke’s turn to blush. She had not really thought about what she was wearing, but Lexa sure did. Her gaze seemed glued to her body, feeling the green eyes inspect every inch of her exposed skin and it made Clarke shiver. Goosebumps roamed her body and she shifted her right arm so that it was clutching her left elbow, biting on her lip. The movement made Lexa snap back into focus and Clarke could see a red color spreading across her cheekbones.

“I am sorry, I will just…” Lexa stopped herself and scratched her neck, letting the side that showed that Lexa still was a girl inside, not just “the guardian” trade places for a moment. But that moment was gone all too soon, because the sheepish look in her eyes was quickly replaced by an oddly formal one and she put down her arm. “There is blankets and pillows in the closet, make yourself at home,” she said and stalked off into the bathroom, leaving Clarke behind.

Clarke looked at the bathroom door, wishing she could telepate through it and just meet the real Lexa, the one that first glanced her way in the cafeteria, the one that looked at her with reddening cheeks and full eyes. But she knew that Lexa never would do that, she did not strike as a person who openly talked about life, she knew that if she wanted to get to know that Lexa, she had to figure out how the girl worked. But she set that thought aside because she had started to sway dangerously on the spot.

She moved to the closet and took out two pillows and a thick blanket and spread them over her bed before climbing in it herself. When her head hit the soft pillows, all she wanted to do was go to sleep and never wake up. But, she felt as if she was owing an apology to Lexa because she did invade on the girl’s privacy on a whole new level. And Clarke knows that she has not known of Lexa at all before today, but she could still feel as if she knows the brunette. All the walls that Lexa puts up, all the polite talking and the lack of emotion, Clarke knows what Lexa are doing, because Clarke used to do it as well. At that thought her hand reached automatically to the watch on her arm, gripping it tight. Blinking tears away from her eyes, she took a deep breath and turned her head to the bathroom door. Yeah, she knows that Lexa is guarding her heart, waiting for it to heal. Clarke only hopes that this sleeping arrangement won’t set the girl back. 

When Lexa finally emerge, Clarke can barely hold her eyelids open. Lexa sighs at this, a thing she does often it seems, and crosses the floor and slip in between her own covers.

“Sleep, Clarke.”

“I wanted to thank you-”

“You do not have to thank me, Clarke,” Lexa cut off. “I have already told you that I do not care where we sleep.” Clarke looked at her, right into her green eyes that sparkled in the light from the light trails. Beautiful. 

“Still,” Clarke pushed. “It wasn’t fair that you didn’t have a choice.” Clarke’s voice was barely a whisper now, but she knew that Lexa would hear it. They had, after all, heightened senses.

“We do what we must,” she simply stated and closed her eyes. She looked like an angel. Her hair lay was out of its braids and it was sprayed around her face in waves. She looked so peaceful that it took Clarke’s breath away. There was no frown upon her face, it was not strained and set, and she finally looked like the girl she really was. The fierceness came with being a dhampir, Clarke got that, but most of the dhampir’s let themselves live and have fun sometimes. She looked so vulnerable, but at the same time so strong.

“You are not sleeping, Clarke.” Lexa said which made Clarke flinch and avert her eyes that was roaming Lexa’s face to her mattress. 

“Sorry,” Clarke mumbled and closed her eyes. She heard Lexa shifting into a better position and the second after that the lights went off. Clarke yawned and brought her legs up to her stomach, curling herself to a little ball. She was just about to glide into the darkness that surrounded her when she heard something that made her fall asleep with a smile.

“Goodnight, Clarke.”

 

When Clarke first awoke, she had no idea where she was. She sat up so quickly that it made her dizzy and looked around herself with wide eyes, her breathing becomes faster and in shallow intakes. 

“It’s okay, you’re safe,” said a warm voice to her left.

Clarke turned her head to the voice and met Lexa’s green eyes, filled with a calm expression. And then the events from yesterday started to swim back into her mind. How she arrived at st Vladimir’s Academy and how she met Octavia and Maya. When her eyes catched a pair of green ones. Then being led to the owners room. Clarke’s heart rate started to slow down and she let out a breath that she did not know she was holding.

“Goodmorning,” she said with a groggy voice. Lexa made the tiniest smile and nodded back before climbing out of her bed. She watched her shudder and the hurry over to the dresser beside the desk and started to take out clothes. Clarke yawned but followed her example, quickly walking up to her duffel bag in the corner, but when she opened it, it was empty.

“Your clothes are here,” she heard a voice behind her say, and it sounded nervous. “I just thought that since you were going to be living here with me for the rest of the school year it was best that you also got a drawer where your clothes could be.” Clarke turned around and faced Lexa who was looking down at the floor with a red color spread over her face. “I am sorry that I did not ask of your permission, but you were asleep-”

“Thank you.”

Lexa finally looked up at Clarke with a slightly confused expression.

“You are not mad that I unpacked your things?”

“No,” Clarke said with a grin on her face. “You were being thoughtful, that would never make me mad.”

At that she could see Lexa loosen up a bit, her shoulders relaxed and a tiny smile crossed her face. “Well then, choose some clothes because otherwise we are going to be late,” she said and took her own clothes and herself into the bathroom. Clarke just rolled her eyes before she walked to the dresser, finding her clothes in the top drawer. She smiled, because everything was folded. Well, the bag with her underwear was neatly placed in a corner, but those did not count. She took out a pair of white jeans and a red knitted sweater and quickly changed. She drew the hairbrush through her curly blonde mess of hair and waited patiently for Lexa to emerge from the bathroom so that Clarke could brush her teeth. But while she waited she walked around in the room, taking in all of the details that she missed last night. between Clarke’s and Lexa’s beds there was a bedside table with an alarm watch on, showing that it was 6:57 PM. There was a lamp and some more books stacked on there as well, all of them were history books as the ones on the desk and Clarke smiled. Lexa was a history nerd.

Lexa came out of the bathroom a short while after with her hair in braids and Clarke slipped in and quickly brushed her teeth, not wanting to be late for breakfast, and then rushed out to the waiting Lexa at the door. Lexa was wearing a black pair of jeans and a dark green fluffy jumper, and Clarke’s had to pause for a second. But she shaked her head slightly and motioned Lexa to come, not noticing that the other girl had also paused at the sight of her own choice of clothes. 

When they reached the lobby it was as a replay of yesterday. Everyone stopped what they were doing, their voices dying down and then a few said “Commander” and they did not continue before Lexa had nodded. Clarke looked questionably at Lexa, but her jaw was set and she started to walk with her head high. Clarke really wanted to know what all of this was about, so either Lexa was going to tell her or she would have to go and talk to the explosive Octavia. But not until she had tried coaxing it out of Lexa first.

When Clarke stepped out of the dorm building, she was strongly reminded of where she was. Around them lay training fields and running tracks, fenced arenas and many practice dummies to hit and kill. Beyond that was just land. Green grass that stretched to one of the mountains that surrounded the school. Clarke knew that she lived in the night, but she still dreamed of watching a sunset. To see how the sky turned from a light blue color to million versions of pink and orange. There was something truly magical about them, and Clarke had only watched a few in her life.

 

In the cafeteria they first collected their breakfast, Clarke held a cup of blood and a muffin on a tray and Lexa had a plate with toast, a muffin and a cup of coffee. Clarke wrinkled her nose at the smell of the coffee, not liking the sour smell of it, but Lexa just shook her head and walked up to their friends who sat and had their breakfast.

“Hey guys,” Octavia greeted them and patted on a spot next to her, motioned for them to sit. “We were just talking about whether or not you two were going to show up,” she said but Clarke just stared at her, slightly confused, but then just shook her head. They sat down and were greeted with more friendlier 

“Hey, when did I get to choose my first lessons? I didn’t do it yesterday,” Clarke remembered. At that Octavia sobered up from her joke mood and stood up, dragging Clarke with her. 

“Octavia what the hell are you doing, I’m eating!” she exclaimed and held on tight to the cup in her hand. Lexa who had followed their every move with her eyes quickly stepped in between them and looked down at Octavia, but she just rolled her eyes and walked past her.

“Clarke, if you didn’t do it yesterday we have to do it now, otherwise they will pick for you,” she insisted and then she got Clarke’s attention. Quickly draining the blood left in her cup she followed Octavia who was walking out of there with an incredible pace. They walked really fast to the headmaster’s office and knocked thrice on the door. Only then Clarke noticed Lexa and Lincoln behind them and Clarke immediately felt bad for Lexa. She had not even had time to finish her breakfast. Clarke sent her an apologetic look but turned around when the door opened. 

“Miss Griffin?”

“Sir, I haven’t chosen any classes for my morning schedule yet, do I do that here?” Clarke was hurrying her words, but she really did not want to sit through some boring geography class or something. But she did have a little clue on what she wanted. So when the headmaster nodded and waved her in, she scanned through the list to find the four courses she wanted to take. After that Jaha printed out her new schedule and handed it to her and wished her good luck with the new semester. 

When she stepped out of there Lexa were waiting alone, Octavia and Lincoln were nowhere to be seen. Lexa told her that she had to run to class and Clarke nodded and showed Lexa her schedule.

1st Period American History 4  
2nd Period Animal Behavior and Physiology  
3rd Period Art  
4th Period Ancient Poetry  
-Lunch -  
5th Period Moroi History and Culture 4  
6th Period Advanced Calculus  
7th Period Spirit Using  
8th Period Spirit - It’s theory and history

Lexa’s eyes lit up when she read American history, and started to walk to the classroom. Clarke laughed but walked after her since she did not know where it was. This week was going to be good as she thought and walked into the classroom of American history, the class she took only because of Lexa’s passion.


	4. Wide Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kind and loving words that I've been receiving, the comments and kudos really big motivation for me when I'm writing and I really appreciate them. I hope that you will enjoy this chapter! - fantasycloud

“Dad...dad no. No, no!” A hard sob wrenched itself from Clarke’s body as she struggled wildly against the guard holding her, trying to reach his body. But she knew that she could not do anything. It was pointless, but she could not let what was about to happen happen. She did not care what he had or had not done, she only wanted to feel his arms around her body, to feel his strong beating heart against her cheek. She only wanted him to make her feel safe and home once more before it was too late. 

Then something happened. It was as if the world stopped for a second, the guards arms had stiffened around her and all she could feel was warmth. But it was not an unpleasant kind of warmth, it tingled on her skin. Her hands acted before her brain registered what she was doing. They landed atop of the guards arms, gripping tightly. She felt herself concentrating on one single feeling. Pain.

The guard started screaming, his hands flew of Clarke’s body and tried to smack away the pain that now coursed through his veins, making his vision go black. Clarke did not know what she had done at the moment, the only thing that she cared about was that she now was free. Her legs immediately sprang into action and she crashed into her father’s body. She felt how his arms came around her, holding her tight against himself. Another sob came through her mouth as she pressed her body tightly against his, afraid that he would disappear if she did not hold tightly enough. Too soon she felt how new guards were trying to wrench her body from his, their hands pulling on her arms and around her stomach. She felt how her dad pressed a kiss to her forehead and how his hands held her more firmly.

“I love you, Clarke. Take care of your mother, okay?” 

She nodded in his shirt and she felt tears rolling down her cheeks. 

“I love you,” she mastered saying before a new wave of sobs wracked her body. His shirt was now drenched in her tears, they felt hot to her face. She felt that the end of their embrace started to come close, so all that she could bring herself to do was to focus on his steady heartbeat. A sound that soon was going to be silenced. Suddenly she felt trapped, and the panic that follow made her vision go blurry and she tried to fight the pressure on her arms.

“Clarke.”

Clarke jerks awake with a gasp, started thrashing against whatever was making her chest feel too tight and against what was trapping her body. She whipped her head around, trying to fight what was causing her to feel unable to control her own body.

“Clarke, breathe.”

A voice started to register in her brain, but the waves of images from the scene started hitting her and the only thing she could focus on was getting rid of the feeling that something was pressing down on her chest. 

“Clarke, you are safe, breathe.”

Clarke listened to the voice and forced a breath into her lungs and felt how the pressure on her chest slowly dissipated. It was as if her lungs had been hit with a force, she had to take several deep breaths for them to starts functioning normal again. She then blinked several times before her vision finally snapped back to reality, leaving the pictures of her father’s last moments behind her and her eyes snapped into focus to reality.

Lexa was bent slightly over her, her hands holding tightly around Clarke’s wrists and when Clarke realized that she stopped fighting and a new wave of sobs came out. She felt how one of Lexa’s hands released the iron grip on her own and gently started trailing up and down her arm in a soothing pace and how her other hand remained in its grip, but her thumb started stroking softly over her knuckles. 

“Lexa.”

“You are safe now, Clarke. It was only a dream.”

“No,” Clarke managed to say and she felt how she started to tremble. “A memory,” she whispered and heard how her voice broke at the end. 

She felt how Lexa’s hand slipped away from hers and instead bringing it around her back, pulling her up and bringing Clarke’s shaking body to lean against her chest. When she shifted her hands so that one was holding around her back and one came up between her shoulderblades, Clarke lost it. She gripped her hands tightly in the material of Lexa’s shirt and pulled her closer and just let herself be held while her world collapsed.

The tears and sadness that she had been holding back for God knows how long tore itself out of Clarke’s body and it was as if someone had plunged a knife into her soul because everything felt like an open wound. She’s crying for what felt like forever and when she finally feels like it is over, a new flood of memories come crashing down on her and it feels like she is drowning over and over again. Lexa only holds Clarke, waiting for her to calm down.

She wonders how long ago she actually had been held like this. To be held without the act having to be forced. When her father had been executed her mother had shut her out, barely able to look at her without crying. The only time her mother had given her a hug after that it was at the airport two weeks ago when she had travelled here, but that hug had not nearly this much emotion into it. Lexa’s embrace made her feel safe, like everything would be okay. She felt like she was home. Nobody had made her feel like that except her father. And it was quite strange because she had only known Lexa for two weeks, but it felt like they somehow were connected, like they completed each other.

When Clarke finally does calm down, she glances on the clock on Lexa’s bedside table and guilt immediately floods her conscience. It’s three in the morning.

“I’m sorry for waking you,” she says, her voice coming out raspy, tired and broken.

“It is okay, I swore that I was going to protect you.”

Clarke snorts. “I don’t really think that this was what they meant by that Lexa.”

She heard Lexa sigh and felt her hand run up and down her back, calming her.

“I do not mind, Clarke. And protection is not just about bodily interaction, it can be any type of danger a moroi is in. For example, maybe you were hurting yourself, putting yourself in danger so to say, should I then ignore that because you chose to do so to yourself or should I start protecting you from yourself?”  
Lexa’s question made Clarke’s head spin. She never imagined the dhampir’s being responsible for anything other than protection against the strigoi, but the words that come out of Lexa’s mouth make her think in it from an entirely different perspective.

“I didn’t think about that,” she quietly says.

“It is fine, not many moroi does. But Clarke,” Lexa shifts so that she looks into Clarke’s eyes. “I did not do this because of my promise, I did this because I wanted to.” Her voice was quiet, uneasy. Even a little nervous. She bit her lip and saw her swallow and in that moment Clarke had never seen her more beautiful. And it was not her looks that made her beautiful, it was her sincerity and her openness and that she let herself be vulnerable in front of another being.  
In the two weeks she had been with Lexa she had barely even smiled, she had snorted once at one of Clarke’s and Octavia’s heated discussions about something ridiculous and Anya had glanced at Lexa with a really surprised and amused look which had caused Clarke to immediately assume that Lexa rarely interacted with anyone. 

So when those words left her lips Clarke did not know what say so instead she did closed the distance between them and hugged her tightly around her midsection. First Lexa stiffened, Clarke could only guess that she was fighting a battle in her head, but then when she felt her arms wrap around her waist she instantly knew which part that had won. Her heart and not her head.

“Thank you,” she whispered in Lexa’s ear, resting her head on her shoulder and lets her nose brush slightly against the warm skin of Lexa’s neck. She drew in a breath and was immediately surrounded by Lexa’s scent. She smelled like the earth, warm and full of life and safe. 

Clarke could hear Lexa letting out a breath that she guessed she had been holding and felt her melt into the embrace a little further, bringing one of her hands up to Clarke’s neck, tangling in her hand in her hair and Clarke let out a “hm” of approval. She did not know how long they sat so, it could have been minutes just as easily as if it could have been hours, days even. Neither of them moved, they simply let each other be held. 

 

Clarke did not know when or how, but when she woke up the next day they were both laying down in her bed, still in each other’s arms. One of Clarke’s arms was draped around Lexa’s waist and the other acted as Lexa’s pillow, their legs slightly entwined. Clarke smile when Lexa shift slightly closer to her and burrows her head in Clarke’s neck and sighs in her sleep, her eyes still remaining peacefully closed. She’s glad that it is saturday so that they do not have to get up and rush down to breakfast because she does not think that she will be able to move from the brunette quite so soon. She felt more at home and safe and happy that she had been in almost a year. So instead of waking the girl, she closed her eyes and let herself sleep a little more.

 

The next time she woke up, it was not by herself. She felt Lexa’s stiffen in the embrace and how she slowly retreated her arms from Clarke. But Clarke grabbed one of her arms, holding it in place and murmured “Stay.” She heard how Lexa drew in a breath, and Clarke let go of her arm, letting Lexa decide for herself. When she somewhat relaxed Clarke opened an eye and found two uncertain green eyes staring back at her. This time it was Clarke who shifted slightly closer to her, nuzzling her nose against Lexa’s neck. Lexa sighed but gripped Clarke more firmly and drew her closer in the process. 

“Clarke.”

“Hm?”

“What are we doing?”

Clarke leaned back and looked into Lexa’s eyes, who still had a hint of the uncertainty in them left but now an amused glint was there, making Clarke smile.  
“We’re doing what friends do, Lexa,” she said, making the brunette smile. Clarke’s heart started beating like the heart of a hummingbird’s at the sight, and she realized that she would never do things like this with the intention of being friends with her. And they way that Lexa looked at her sometimes made Clarke’s hope burn a little bit more in her chest. 

Lexa hummed in response and Clarke lay her head down on Lexa’s chest again with a smile on her lips.

“Thank you,” Clarke said quietly, suddenly remembering last night’s break down and blushed. 

“For what?”

“You didn’t have to stay with me, hell you didn’t even have to calm me down, but you did. I’m not used to it, that’s all so thank you and I’m sorry for causing a scene,” she rambled on a bit and she felt herself withdraw from the girl now instead, feeling too awkward to stay all of the sudden. She nearly let out a little laugh when she felt Lexa’s grip tighten around her body, refusing to let her go and drew her in closer.

“No, Clarke, do not apologize. I stayed because I wanted too, not because I felt forced. And do not apologize for having a nightmare either, you cannot control your dreams,” she said and put her own head atop of Clarke’s while her hands encircled her back. 

“I haven’t dreamt about him in a long time,” she whispered against her neck after a few minutes. “I thought they’d stopped,” she added, her voice sounded more broken and it trembled slightly at the end. “I thought that if I went here he wouldn’t haunt my dreams anymore, but I was wrong. I can still remember his execution as if it took place yesterday, I remember every emotion, every beat of his heart. The eyecolor of the one that slit his throat.” Her throat felt too tight and she had started to gasp for breath. 

“I miss him. I never could have imagined that my dad would never be attending my graduation or dance with me on my wedding.” She had to stop there because hard sobs had started to wrench themselves from her body and in that moment she felt so broken, so alone. 

And it was as if Lexa could read her thoughts and feeling, because she had started pressing her hands into her back, forcing her attention back on her, back on reality. Reminding her that she was not alone, that she was here with her laying in her arms. She then grabbed one of Clarke’s own hands and pressed it against Clarke’s chest, right above her heart.

“Feel the beat of your heart, Clarke? It is not broken. You are not broken.”

She let out a staggered breath and nodded, unable to talk, fearing that her voice would fail her. 

Clarke had yet again no idea how long they lay in that position, arms and legs entwined. It was not until little after twelve that they agreed on going down to eat something, both hungry from skipping breakfast. Clarke wiped her eyes, hoping they were not all too puffy and put on a pair of black jeans and a dark grey shirt and but her hair in a bun, hoping that she would go by unnoticed.

When they arrived to the cafeteria they easily spotted their usual group of friends, sitting at a large table laughing and talking together. Clarke’s lips started to form a smile and it only grew when she felt Lexa’s hand on her lower back, urging her on, encouraging her to continue forward. Even Lexa had started to enjoy the others company. So they gathered their food and drinks and were greeted with pats on their backs and they were quickly drawn into several discussions.  
“I mean, Clarke, you have to agree with me!” Octavia exclaimed and pulling her down next to her, and honestly it had started to become a habit.

“I can’t agree with you unless I know what you’re talking about, O,” she laughed and started to drink her blood, feeling her mood quickly lighten up. Octavia then pointed at Bellamy, no surprise there, and then rapidly started to explain what was so annoying this time.

“He, my idiot brother, thinks that just because of the dhampir’s protection that they provide that we moroi shouldn’t have to learn to defend ourselves. I mean, that’s just stupid! What if,” she says and holds up her index fingers up in the air, “what if, let’s say that our guardians gets killed by a group of strigoi. Some of us moroi, the fire users mostly, could probably make it out if they know how to use it against someone, but what if that happened to one of us? All we can do is heal someone, walk in dreams, make other moroi and dhampir’s hallucinate and charm objects. None of those things would get us out of a strigoi attack. So I am asking again, why do you think that we shouldn’t be taught how to defend ourselves?”

The first thing that pops up in her head is the endless of rules that says it is forbidden for moroi to train as dhampir’s do, but that does not seem to have crossed Octavia’s mind. But she had a good point, Clarke have to admit that. It would be nice to be able to take care of herself, not needing to rely on a dhampir the rest of her life. But then again, the rules. And anyone who had known her would say that she never broke any rules in her life. But this subject had always been sort of fifty fifty for her, never really understanding the big deal of having laws against learning to defend oneself.

“Sorry Bell, I’m with O on this,” she said which cause her to get attacked with both a giant hug and a frustrated growl from the siblings. 

“But I feel like it’s not only about that though,” Clarke started but this time she got two confused looks from the siblings and earned a few interested as well. “This is all about the society and where the races stand. I mean it doesn’t matter if you’re a dhampir or a moroi, well sure, the moroi have their powers and the dhampirs have the natural abilities of speed and strength, but in the end everyone is an individual after all. Everyone has their own hobby or passion. And all of us knows that they teach the dhampir’s to put the moroi first as soon as they get what you’re saying, but what if they stop with that? Do you think that they would choose to serve us moroi, to put us first and fight and die for us, when they get nothing but crap in return? And the same for us, if we learn from a young age to protect ourselves from the strigoi, then the moroi race wouldn’t be consisting of eighty percent jackasses as there is now.” She paused only for a moment before continuing. “And then the unfairness against the dhampir’s and the disapproval of a moroi and a dhampir dating would slowly be erased too, because the dhampir’s wouldn’t work under us anymore, they would be working alongside with us.”

After her small speech, everyone’s eyes around the table was turned on her, their jaws hanging a little. Clarke had not quite expected such an impact, she was simply stating the truth that everyone knew about but that no one talked about.

“Remind me never to get into an argument with you,” Jasper said half joking, but also half serious which was cool since Jasper was never serious. His comment instantly caused everyone to nod, even the dhampir’s sat with their eyes wide open. But she did notice something else in Lexa’s eyes. Was it admiration or pride? She could not quite place it but she was happy either way because she made Lexa look at her the way she did now, and it was seriously causing her knees to shake a little.

 

After dinner Clarke said goodbye to Lexa, it was weekend so she did not have to follow her around all the time, plus that other dhampir’s went with them instead. So when Clarke and the others plus Lincoln, Echo, Anya, Caris and Artigas went to the library, Lexa made her way towards the dhampir part of campus. And after she was out of sight she slowly counted down in her mind and sighed.

3...2...1...

“Clarke,” she heard Octavia whisper and she quickly drew Clarke to the side. “We’ll catch up!” she said to the others while dragging Clarke a few meters away. “Clarke,” she said more urging now. “Listen, there something you have kno-”

“No,” Clarke said firmly and placed a hand over Octavia’s mouth. “I don’t care what everyone has against Lexa. I don’t want to hear rumors or stories or anything like that, because I will not listen to anything that doesn’t come out of her mouth first,” she said hotly. “And plus she hasn’t bothered with bringing up my past, she doesn’t treat me any differently and it’s been really nice for a change, and that’s how I treat her too. So, I will only talk about her past with her if she brings it up,” she added, not so angered this time, but annoyed. When Octavia sighed and scowled but nodded against her hand she released her grip and stepped away from her.

“Thanks.”

“You know that I’m only trying to protect you, you know?”

Clarke sighed and said quietly in her mind “And can’t you see that I’m trying to protect Lexa?” but she simply nodded at Octavia because she did not want to fight with her, still new but growing, friend. 

They catched up with the others in the library and Clarke popped open a book about Ancient Poetry and started reading chapter 5. Or well, she tried to read but her mind were elsewhere. It was with a certain green eyed brunette. She sighed and rested her head in her hands. This was going to be a long study session.

 

She was right. After three hours, she had only read three chapters and had barely started on an essay that was due on friday. But she simply could not focus. So when the others said that they were going to Jasper’s to watch a movie, Clarke quickly said goodbye and bid them goodnight and walked off towards the dhampir section. 

On her way over to the dhampir dorms she found herself thinking about the conversation about the moroi and the dhampir situation, because she had never really spoken about it out loud before. She had always thought that it was wrong that the dhampir’s worked for the moroi and that’s probably why she felt the need to apologize to Lexa all the time.

She reached the path that led directly to the dorms and looked around the training area which still amazed her. At her old school there was only three training areas, a gym with all the machines and the weights, a running track and an outdoors arena with all the practice dummies and stakes. Here they had over ten it seemed. Clarke was always surprised that they actually trained on all of those, because of some of them had the same stuff as the others but just different colors or something equally stupid but Lexa had just shook her head, saying that the were completely different.

When she was about to walk through the door some figures caught her eye, so she turned around and when her eyes locked on the distraction, her jaw fell open.

Lexa was in the middle of the scene. She had on a pair of black training shorts and a loose grey top with her hair in a bun on top of her head. Clarke could not help it but she found her eyes wandering over Lexa’s exposed legs, and wow. They were tanned, her muscles visibly stretching over them and Clarke found them incredibly sexy. She felt how her knees started to shake and how a tingling feeling started spreading in her body, but she shook her head slightly and tore her eyes away from them as she was taking in what she was doing, and her jaw dropped even further.

Lexa was in the middle, three other dhampir’s surrounding her with their arms raised in front of them, their legs positioned in a fighting stance and everyone was trying to land a blow on her, but no one succeeded. It looked like Lexa was dancing, graciously spinning out of the way and easily blocking blows she already had anticipated. She somehow managed to land blows too, because suddenly one of them was laying sprawling on his back on the gym mat. It seemed like he was “dead” because he retreated immediately after that, leaving Lexa with the last two.

Clarke moved without thinking as if she was drawn to her like a magnet, she stopped only at the fence surrounding the arena, eyes still wide and jaw still hanging slightly. She only then noticed that the ones that she was fighting was not her friends or other dhampir students, it was with the school guardians and Lexa was easily winning over them and Clarke could not help the smirk that formed on her lips. Clarke felt like if something was finally clicking into place and she felt as if she was fully awake for the first time in a long time. And before she even started to consider the aftermath, she had decided.

When all of the ones surrounding her were gone, Lexa’s skin was coated in sweat and her breathing was fast, but on her face a victorious grin was spreading and if she had not been so busy with stretching her legs, she would have heard Clarke approach her.

“You were amazing.”

Lexa yelped and whirled around to face a grinning Clarke. 

“Clarke-”

“And I want learn how to do it.”


	5. Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you will enjoy this one, I recommend listening to "My Immortal" by Evanescensce when you get to the part when Clarke is going down her memory line ;) 
> 
> Comment your thoughts below and leave your kudos for me to see, love every one of them! - fantasycloud

“No.”

 “Lexa come _on._ ”

 “No.”

 It had been two hours since Clarke asked Lexa if she could teach her how to fight and defend herself, but Lexa’s answer had remained the same.

 No.

 At first, Clarke was confused, thinking about how Lexa had reacted before to her statement about the situation between the races she thought that Lexa almost would have danced in happiness when Clarke asked. But instead she had shaken her head in a firm no and then stalked away, leaving Clarke behind. But Clarke had only remained rooted there for about a second before she hurried to catch up with her, peppering her with questions why that she only vaguely answered before slipping on a mask Clarke knew well. It was the mask she hid behind when the girl felt uncomfortable or when she was in an unwanted situation, like the one right then.

 Now Lexa had just emerged out of the bathroom after having a very long shower and Clarke suspected that Lexa had done that on purpose just to annoy her, but Clarke did not give up that easily. Oh no.

 “Lexa, what if I was in a very bad situation?”

 “Then I would protect you."

 “But what if you couldn’t? What if someone, or _something_ , had killed you?”

 “Won’t happen Clarke.”

 Clarke let out a groan in frustration, throwing a pillow at Lexa.

 “What if I just want to learn? Would it be SO bad?”

 “You know why, Clarke,” Lexa simply replied and it caused Clarke to groan again.

 “Enough already about the damn laws! I’m aware of the potential risks, but it’s not fair that it’s against the law for me to learn how to defend myself!” she exclaimed and fell back onto the bed on her back.

 “Potential risks? Clarke, were you awake during that part of history? Do you not remember when they said how it went for Dina and Allison? How Dina was thrown in the Moroi prison and how Allison was killed for committing treason?”

 Lexa’s temper was rising slowly, her voice growing with it and by the end of her sentence, she was almost shouting. Clarke had gone stiff, her eyes locked with Lexa’s and her jaw hanging slightly. She had never seen Lexa go off like this before.

 “Sorry, I…” She started but shook her head, trying to start over. “I never thought...,” but stopped there as well. “I didn’t think it mattered to you, but never mind,” she said and started to walk out of the room, feeling like someone had punched her in the stomach.But she had only taken a few steps before she felt a hand on her arm, tugging her back. She slowly turned around to face a now remorseful Lexa.

 "Sorry, it was wrong of me to shout like that. I just… I can not teach you,” she said. Her voice was calm again but it was laced with something else. Sadness? Remorse? She could not really place it, but she let it go for now. When she saw that Lexa was searching in her eyes for some kind of answer, Clarke nodded quickly and took a step back.

 “I’m going to Bellamy’s, the others are there and they said that they would watch a movie,” she said and paused a bit before opening the door, turning back and said “Don’t wait up,” before she closed it. Clarke did not feel sad or anything, of course it was stupid of her to even think about wanting to learn how to fight. She had her ability, she could easily just make them feel or see things, just as she did with the guard that held her back at her dad’s execution. If she wanted them to feel pain, she simply just had to believe what she was telling the person while either touching some part of their body or looking into his or her eyes. She could make them feel the pain of being hit by a car. She could make them see their worst nightmares.

 But she hated that. She hated that she had an advantage that she just happen to be born with. The only thing she had to learn was just how to think while you were doing it, and that was it. The dhampir’s was not born with all of their skills, they came from serious training and dedication. They had earned their skills and place in this world, but somehow they were still working under us.

 The wind rippled through the air, making goosebumps appear on Clarke’s arms under her sweater. She walked faster, but steered her legs away from the path leading to Bellamy’s. She was not ready to be social right now, she just felt the need to be alone. So instead she went to the library. It was not a soul inside, it was saturday and the term had just started so they had not been given any assignments yet, but Clarke did not mind at all.

 She gave the librarian a smile when she walked past her and continued to walk until she reached the far end of the library and sunk down in an armchair that looked comfortable. It was not until that that it hit her that maybe she should have said her actual location to Lexa. Clarke knew that they had their weekends off, but this was after all their field test, anything could happen and if Lexa were not there to respond to the attacks that would come, then she would fail and would have to do it again. But she did not feel like being somewhere where anyone could find her, she wanted to be alone.

 And this was not because of the rejection she had gotten from Lexa, although it may be a part of it. She felt dumb and idiotic and she had acted like an ass, not respecting Lexa at all when she had said no. She had caused her to snap, which was very unusual. And she crossed a line today by asking her, because she was right. What if they got caught? Sure she would be thrown in prison, but Lexa would be _killed_. How could she be so inconsiderate? How could she even ask Lexa to do something like that when she just hours ago held her and let Clarke cry against her shoulder?

 Clarke felt more and more ashamed of her actions by the minutes, she sat with her legs propped up against her chest, her forehead resting on her knees. She had no idea how long she sat there, it could have been minutes just as easily as it could have been hours. After a while old memories started to float up to the surface, making her heart ache and her eyes tear up.

 

_“Daddy wait!”_

  _Her laugh echoed through the walls of the palace, her legs was running as fast as they could carry her while she chased her father in what seemed like a maze for the eight year old Clarke. She then shrieked when she felt her dad’s strong hands around her middle, and then the second later she was flying. Her dad lifted her up over his head while he ran down to the end of the corridor and by then they were both laughing._

  _"Jake, what on earth are you doing?”_

  _Her mother appeared from a closed door, her voice stern but her eyes playful as she watched the scene before her eyes. When Clarke looked down at her father and met his eyes, they both started laughing again and this time her mother could not help but to chuckle herself before quickly walking up to them, catching Clarke in her arms when her dad pretended to drop her._

  _“We are supposed to be showing her how to behave when she’s at the palace,” she said with an amused smile on her lips. Her dad only laughed and stole a kiss from her still smiling lips, but they broke apart when they heard Clarke grunt in disgust._

  _“Eeew!”_

  _They laughed after that, Clarke was not old enough to know that they laughed at her at the moment so she soon started laughing with them._

  _“We’re the three musketeers, right daddy?”_

  _“Yes, princess,” he said and kissed the top of her head. “We’re always going to be the three musketeers, I promise,” he said when he pulled away, making both Clarke and her mother smile._

 

Every time that memory popped up in her mind, she always thought the same thing. _You broke your promise_. By now her eyes was tearing up so bad that she had trouble seeing, her heart rate was sky high. But she forced air into her lungs, catching herself wishing for this to be one of Murphy’s air tricks, but this pain was real. And before she knew it, she was thrown into another.

 

_“Clarke, kiddo what’s wrong?”_

  _All she could do to her father’s question was cry harder into her pillow. And she only cried harder when she felt his arms lifting her off the bed into his arms. She gripped his shirt tightly in her hands and cried into his shoulder._

  _“What’s wrong?” And this time she tried answering him. She tried explaining how Finn, who she loved with all her heart, had been cheating on her their whole relationship. She told him how she had catched them making out behind a shelf in the library with his hands up her shirt. She told him how they both had turned around when she appeared, but how Finn had just said that it was over before he went back to his make out session with the beautiful tanned girl. “_

  _How could I’ve been so stupid? How did I not notice?” Her voice was broken, so hollow that she barely recognized it and her dad just held her tighter._

  _“You are NOT stupid, Clarke,” he said after a while when Clarke had calmed down a bit. “What he did was unforgivable, but you did nothing wrong.” They sat on Clarke’s bed for what felt like hours, her head against his shoulder. He let her cry herself to sleep, still leaning on his shoulder. When her dad thought that she was sleeping, he kissed the top of her head and quietly whispered_ _“I’m never letting anyone hurt you again this bad, Clarke,” before he tucked her into bed and exited her room._

 

Clarke had abandoned every thought of holding back her tears, the had now created a steady stream down her cheeks. _You did not keep that promise either because you hurt me more._ That was just too much. She quickly stood up and raced out of the library, not caring about the comments from the librarian and continued racing out in the cold weather.

 It was no longer dark outside, the sun would have rising if not for the rain that was pouring outside but that did not matter at the moment to Clarke. She did not care if the rain made her hair wet or if the sun made her a bit dizzy or caused a headache, the only thing she cared of was getting rid of the pain in her chest. A pain that was threatening to swallow her whole within seconds. She did not know how she ended up on one of the dhampir’s training areas, but somehow she was facing a punching bag. Then another memory flashed before her eyes and she clenched her eyes shut.

 

_“Look who we have here, isn’t it our precious little Princess?”_

  _She whirled around and stood only inches away from an unknown man. She quickly took a step back but she felt a hand close in an iron grip around her arm. He closed the gap again and released a hot breath against her face, showering her of waves of the scent of alcohol. Her head began to spin and she she felt how fear started slipping into her system, holding a tight grip around her heart. “Oh, dad” she thought. “If only you were here.”_

  _“Get away from me,” she said, a voice she meant would be strong, but came out weak and trembling, revealing her fear to the man in front of her. She heard a chuckle from behind and the fear increased instantly. There were more than one._

  _She tried taking a step back again only to be yanked closer, and after that she did not see anything. She whipped her head around but all she could hear was laughter. It was a black bag she had over her head she realized and it was not until then that she began to panic. This had gone from an uncomfortable situation to a dangerous situation and if she did not get out of there now, very bad things was going to start happening. But she could not use her hallucination trick because of the black bag and because of the rope that she felt coming over her hands, without her sight and her touch, she was helpless._

  _“You wanna have some fun princess?” She just wanted to run as fast away from here as possible. Tears began to stream out of her eyes down her cheeks and all she could hear was the pounding of her heart in her ears. She felt the man’s hands started touching her body and she wanted to vomit in disgust. She started to fight the rope that was on her wrists, hoping that they tied it loose enough, but she only started rubbing her hands together before she felt another iron grip on her arms, forcing them stay into place._

  _“Ah, ah, you’re not allowed to move,” he said in a disgusting voice and Clarke would give anything to escape the situation. How had her night gone from normal to this in only five freaking minutes?!_

  _She felt his hands move up her body again until he reached one of her breasts, squeezing not so gently and she clenched her eyes shut and inhaled through her nose. She found herself hoping that she would pass out, but with the adrenaline that coursed through her veins she knew that it was impossible._

 

Clarke snapped out of her memories when her right hand suddenly was on fire, she looked down and saw her knuckles was red and blood was running through various cuts along them. She did not even remembering throwing a punch, let alone one that would cause her to injure herself, but right now she did not care. She actually felt good. She clenched them to fists again and threw another one. When the pain burned again she almost laughed out loud. With the pain on such a high level her memories that still haunted her thoughts and dreams started to slowly disappear. She threw punch after punch until there was no skin left on her knuckles, leaving only bloody wounds.

 “Clarke,” she heard someone call out. But not just anyone. _Lexa_. “Clarke, what are you _doing_?”

 But she ignored her and punched again and again, feeling how the rain was was streaming down her face, mixing with her tears. Why didn't the pain stop? Why could she still feel the panic she felt that night still clutching her chest into its iron grip? She was about to throw another punch when she felt a hand clutch her wrist that she had raised in the air, stopping her swinging movement.

 “Let go of me!” she said, her voice trembling with every feeling she felt in the last hours, pain, hollowness, sadness, fury, but mostly, fear. Fear of the pain to be worse. Fear of feeling the losses all over again after these memories. Fear of being alone. But her grip remained firmly on Clarke’s wrist, using that hold to swing her around instead so that she was facing her.

 “Let go,” she said one more time, but no use. Her voice came out weak and broken and she felt her whole body trembling like a leaf. Lexa brought her free hand up to Clarke’s chin and brought it up so that their gazes locked. Lexa’s face was mixed with many emotions, but the most frantic one was in her eyes. Worry.

 “Clarke, what is going on? What happened?”

 “H-He promised,” she managed to choke out before she felt her knees buckle under her. She expected her body to crumble to the ground beneath her, but she felt how her body instead was swept up in Lexa’s arms. Her mind wanted to protest, she just wanted to lie down and never get up, but her body reacted differently. She felt how her hands found Lexa’s shirt and how they gripped it tightly, her head fell on her strong shoulder and everything came crashing down.

 She cried, unable to hold it in, unable to push the pain down. Out here in the rain her tears is quickly washed away, her sobs hidden by the sounds in the rain, but that only makes her cry harder. It keeps pushing everything that she has forced down for so long back up again, it pushes her over an edge that is threatening to drown her in her own sorrow. She feels her heart exploding of too much emotion but all she can do is hold on tight to the girl holding her and hoping that she won’t let her go.

 Lexa started walking towards the dorms, but that was unknown to the blonde in her arms. She managed to open the door and walking up the stairs with Clarke still in her arms. When they went into their room she placed her on the bed and quickly changed into sweatpants and slowly remove Clarke’s shoes before crawling into her bed and holds Clarke in her arms again.

 Clarke is unaware of any of this, all she could think about was those memories, but especially with the last one. She had not dreamt about that, let alone thought about it, for a very long time. That one was too much for her to handle, because in her reality that never happened. But it did. It did happen but no one except her and those other men, but she doubted they even remembered what they had done the day after. And she planned on keeping it.

 “One night,” Clarke said hoarsely after finishing crying which was probably hours into the night, but she had a need of telling this to someone, but before she had met Lexa she had not felt comfortable telling anyone about it.

 “One night in the summer I was walking home late in the human community I live in. I was thinking about something, don’t remember, so I didn’t notice the men that had started following me.” Her voice was barely a whisper, but she knew Lexa heard. She felt her hand freezing slightly in it’s path up and down my back, but it quickly began the soothing movements again like nothing happened. “I decided to take a shortcut. They followed me into a dark alley and waited until I had reached the middle of it before they grabbed me. I got a bag over my head and my hands were bound behind my back.” She did not have to say more, she knew Lexa understood. She felt the movements up and down her back stop, but only a second later they came around her body, holding her like there was no tomorrow.

 “I am so sorry, Clarke,” she said and pressed a light kiss on her hair. A shiver ran through Clarke and she tried bringing her closer, if that was even possible.

 “I’ve never told anyone,” she mumbled in Lexa’s shoulder, feeling a bit of weight leaving her shoulder.

 “Why?”

 “Because…” she started but swallowed down a new wave of sobs. “It was the same year my dad died and my mom just kind of checked out, I had just broke up with my boyfriend…” she swallowed again at the mention of her ex. She did not want to talk about him. “I didn’t have anyone else to tell after that.”

 “You have me now.” Her answer was so quiet, but Clarke catched it. She sighed and nuzzled her head on Lexa’s shoulder, never wanting to let go.

 “And I will teach you, Clarke,” she said even quieter, but for Clarke that was like shout. She leaned back to be able to look in her eyes, searching for whatever reason to the change was. Lexa sighed and leaned her body against the wall.

 “You were right, Clarke, you should be able to defend yourself. But that’s not what changed my mind. When you went out of here I felt like I needed to go after you, to have your back and protect you. But I knew that you needed space and I also knew that I was being silly. Nothing serious would ever happen here on campus I thought. But I still could not shake the feeling that you were unwell. So I went to Bellamy’s after a few hours, but when everyone said that you never came, I got worried. I looked for you everywhere and the memory of you being tortured by that boy played in my mind on repeat. And that’s when I decided. Because there will be times when, and what you just told me is solid proof of that, that I or another dhampir will not always be there to protect you. I decided that I was going to teach you because I could not stand the thought of you being by yourself, defenseless and unprepared. And I could not stand the thought of you being harmed when I could have prevented it.”

 When those words came out through Lexa’s mouth it left Clarke speechless. She just looked into her green eyes, saw her determination and dedication to the promise she just made and it just blew her mind. The only thing she did do was crawl into her arms again, trying to show her what she was feeling and that she knew how much this meant to her. Because it did. It meant the world to her. She hugged her torso tightly, her head rested on her chest and her arms encircled her back. She sighed when she felt Lexa’s arms come around her, one on her back and one tangled itself in Clarke’s hair. And they sat like that, neither of them spoke because they did not want to wake each other up if the other got some sleep. Clarke was barely awake when she heard Lexa’s whisper, but it still caused her to smile.

 “I am going to teach you, Clarke, I promise.”


	6. Circles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's first training session, something big happens almost twice and we see her use her magic for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the delay, I have a lot in school right now and I haven't had the time to write, but I hope that the content in this chapter will make up for it!
> 
> And I also want to thank everyone for their comments and kudos on the last chapter and I hope to have the pleasure of having them on this chapter as well, I love to know what your opinions are and I love to answer all of your your questions :) - fantasycloud

“Clarke, concentrate!”

“I _am_!”

Sweat was pouring down her face and she felt as if someone had cut her lungs in half and her limbs felt twice as heavy as before and she could swear that they were on fire.

Clarke was having her first lesson with Lexa, and she almost wished that she had not asked her because when Lexa stepped into the training gym, she became a whole different person. She was dead serious as if this was a life or death situation and she was not gentle at all. First she made Clarke run laps around the gym that had made her lungs feel as if they were on fire, then Lexa ordered her to do push ups and sit ups until her muscles screamed for a break, but according to Lexa, they had not even started the real training, that this was just the warm up. At that Clarke had let out a frustrated grunt and had thrown Lexa a murderous glare, but she had just rolled her eyes.

Now they stood facing each other within the lines of a symmetric circle that was drawn on the floor, Lexa teaching her how to block easily an attack.

“No you are not, if you did you would have corrected what I just said you were doing wrong.”

“Okay fine,” she said and threw up her arms in defeat, but added “I was a little busy with the other fifty remarks you made on me in that very sentence,” sarcastically and wiped off the sweat that was coating her forehead. Lexa sighed in response to Clarke’s comment but made no attempt to verbally answer. Instead she lowered her hand that was positioned in front of her and started walking towards Clarke.

Clarke paused her movements in surprise when Lexa moved towards her, not expecting Lexa to even acknowledge her comment, but remained silent and watched Lexa as she gracefully strode over to where she stood. When Lexa did not stop in front of her and instead walked past her and Clarke went from being slightly confused to being greatly surprised when she a second later felt Lexa’s body press into hers from behind.

She sucked in a shocked gasp and she felt her whole body tense up in response to the touch, not expecting this kind of movement from her and felt her heartbeat quicken its pace. When Lexa’s warmth started to spread through her body it took Clarke nearly everything she had not to lean into the touch. While she tried to control her racing heartbeat she felt Lexa’s hands move down to her stomach and settle just above her hips and press gently on the already strained muscles.

“Always keep tension here,” she said, her words barely louder than a whisper and Clarke shuddered when her hot breath came in contact with the skin on her bare neck. Lexa moved her hands up to Clarke’s hands after staying a moment longer then needed on her waist and when her next words were uttered, the came out as if she was slightly out of breath.

“Your hands are too close together,” she said and gently moved them into the right position. Then she felt one of her hands come up and settle upon her now very tense shoulder.

“Relax,” she whispered. Clarke let out a breath that she apparently had been holding and let the tension go with it and it caused her to sink deep against Lexa’s chest. She felt herself draw in another gasp but clench her jaw shut to ensure that no sounds escape her lips.

“Use your forearms when you block,” says and demonstrated her words as she slowly move Clarke’s arms so that they are held over her chest and face, but not close enough to hit her in the face if they were accidentally thrown backwards. She then removed her hands from Clarke’s and placed them on her hips and Clarke gulped when the warmth from Lexa’s Lexa’s hands started spreading through her stomach and down her legs and it took all of her concentration not to let out a moan. Lexa was either very oblivious of what she was causing Clarke or she was really, really good at teasing. But Clarke leaned towards the first option and tried to focus on Lexa’s continued lesson.

“You need to widen your stance, you must distribute your weight so that you are harder to push to ground.”

Lexa’s hands pressed on her hips and Clarke widened her legs just a few inches further apart and looked over her shoulder to get approval from Lexa, only to be completely lost in her eyes. She was closer than Clarke had thought, Lexa’s chin was nearly resting on Clarke’s shoulder, and when she turned around their noses were just a breath apart.

Lexa seemed to come to the same realisation because she felt the hands on her hips freeze, but much to Clarke’s joy she did not remove them. She saw how Lexa’s gaze flicker down on her mouth and she felt her own eyes travel down to the other girl’s lips, and for a moment the world stood still. Clarke held her breath and the air crackled with electricity between them, making the air hot in her lungs. Then, slowly, very slowly, _torturously slowly_ , Clarke thought, they started to close the distance between them. Clarke’s heart started beating so fast that she was willing to bet everything that she owned that Lexa was able to feel it through the material of her shirt, but Clarke did not care. She only cared about what was about to happen that she now had dreamt of in four weeks and nothing was standing in their way.

Just that something got in the way.

When their lips was about to touch a loud noise followed by the echo of a boy’s laughter and it was as if both Lexa and Clarke were jolted back to reality because they sprung apart and and both of their eyes shifted to the source of the laughter. No one had entered the gym, but someone was in the locker rooms. They turned their heads back so that they were facing each other again, and Clarke brought her hand up to scratch the back of her neck and she saw that a deep blush had appeared on Lexa’s cheeks.

“We should get back,” Lexa said after a moment and if Clarke was not mistaken, Lexa sounded as if she was out of breath. Clarke could not blame her because right now her heart was still hammering against her chest and her breath came rapidly. So she just answered with the same tone as Lexa.

“Yeah.”

They both hurried to get their stuff and left the gym, Clarke threw a last wistful glance at the place where she was one second away from getting kissed by Lexa and sighed before hurrying after her.

 

* * *

 

After the “almost kiss” incident, being with Lexa 24/7 did not help. Since it was four weeks into the semester they had been getting closer, she had been helping Clarke with her homework if Clarke needed help and Clarke had started to feel more and more at home in Lexa’s room. Now it was as if they could not even go near each other without either of them glancing at the others lips and the air was always filled with crackling electricity and Clarke felt as if she was going crazy because of it.

Clarke sat in the library with her friends and tiredly rubbed her eyes as she continued to try to force her brain to come up with words to her essay for her American History class, but it was hopeless. She had been sitting here nearly two hours and she was dead tired. It was now the third day after their almost kiss and Clarke had been having trouble sleeping next to her. It was not that she was uncomfortable, it was the clear opposite actually. Clarke had not been able to sleep because her brain had refused to turn off, it kept replaying that scene and when Lexa only lay an arms length away, it was very hard for her to actually relax and close her eyes.

“Clarke, how long have you been staring at that paper? Five or ten minutes?” Maya half joked and waved her hand in front of my eyes.

“Fifteen.”

Everyone around the table started laughing at that, even the dhampir’s that was supposed to be on duty. Yesterday it was announced that the fake attacks would kick in today and they all wanted to be on their best behavior. Clarke looked behind her to locate Lexa, she and Anya had taken the longer distance position today and Lincoln and Echo had taken the near distance and had been standing stiffly in a corner, sweeping the library.

Clarke was not entirely convinced that anyone was going to attack them inside the library, but she did not say anything out loud since she knew how important this was to them.

When Clarke looked over to the place that Lexa stood she found that Lexa was already watching her with a soft expression. But when she saw Clarke looking back at her she did not waste any time with averting her eyes and train them on the other side of the library. Clarke rolled her eyes, but looked away as well. Clarke caught herself missing the other girls presence, she was not used to walk around without Lexa at her side. But she knew that this was for the best, at least until they had talked about what happened. And with that Clarke had no rush to get it done and it seemed as if Lexa did not either because she remained silent.

After another hour Clarke had succeeded to begin her essay, but it was far from done. Her eyes stung and her whole body ached and all she wanted to do was go to bed. She had to drag her legs after her as she made her way towards the dorms and she almost did not notice that Lexa walked a little bit closer to her than normal. But since Clarke only had three hours of sleep last night she did not dwell on it, in fact she believed that it was because of that she was on her duty. When they entered their room Clarke immediately fell atop of her bed and she was asleep before her head even hit the pillow.

She was not aware that Lexa had not only just sighed at this, she had also helped Clarke off with her shoes and pulled a blanket over her body.

 

* * *

 

“Clarke.”

“Hm,” she huffed in response at the light shake on her shoulder.

“Clarke, wake up.”

“Five more minutes.”

“No Clarke I have already let you sleep longer than usual, get up.”

“Why?”

“Because your class start in 25 minutes.”

At that Clarke’s eyes shot up and she felt herself jolt out of bed, apparently Lexa did not think that would happen because the next second Clarke felt her forehead slam forcefully into hers.

“Oh My God, Lexa I’m so sorry!” she hurried to say before pressing a hand to her forehead where the pain from the collation was exploding. “Are you okay” She looked over to Lexa who was in a similar position as her, holding her head with her hands. When Lexa looked up at Clarke, she was not crying. She was smiling. And within the next moment, Clarke heard the most beautiful sound. Lexa’s laugh.

Clarke was utterly bewildered for a moment, but when Lexa looked up with tears in her eyes and a smile that stretched from eye to eye, she could not help but to laugh with her. She laughed until her cheeks hurt from too much smiling and the tears had already begun streaming down her face and she clutched her stomach with one hand and the other still pressed against her head.

When she finally thought that she had it under control, she just had to look at Lexa and every control she thought she had disappeared. When they finally calmed down though, they looked at each other, both with an amused expression. Lexa had one because Clarke had collided with her and Clarke had one because of Lexa’s outbreak.

“I’m really sorry,” Clarke said with a weak smile but Lexa just shook her head.

“No I should not have been standing bent over you,” Lexa said and rubbed her head.

“Here,” Clarke said and stretched out her hands, but Lexa moved away quickly. Clarke was confused for a moment and looked at Lexa and saw that her confusion was mirrored in Lexa’s expression. “It’s okay,” she explained, “I was only going to make it heal so that you don’t bruise.”

At the clarification Lexa relaxed a bit and nodded and Clarke brought her hands up again, slower this time, before she placed them on the brunettes face. She felt herself draw in a breath but forced herself to focus, she could drool over Lexa later. She shook her head and closed her eyes as she felt how the magic flowed through her and into the other girl. She heard Lexa gasp and she opened an eye to take in her expression.

Lexa’s eyes was wide with shock and her lips was parted slightly. She saw how her eyes sparkled in relief when the pain that she felt disappear and then her green eyes landed on Clarke’s. They were full of wonder and amazement and all Clarke could do was stare back. She could only imagine what her own eyes must be displaying, because she felt a whole lot. She knew that the magic had worked and the pain was gone, but she could not move her hands. They were still on either side of Lexa’s face, one of her thumbs placed just under her jaw and she could feel that the other girl shuddered under it. She felt how a hand sneaked its way on one of her thighs and now it was her turn to shudder.

But when they started to move towards each other, their alarm went off, warning them that Clarke’s class started in ten minutes. They both jumped at the loud noise and they quickly withdrew their hands. In a second they were just staring at each other, both their chests heaving heavily as they caught their breaths as if they just had run a marathon, but Clarke moved to turn of the annoying beeping sound and when she turned around again, Lexa was standing at the door.

“Come on,” she said in a husked voice. “You will be late for class.”

Clarke nodded but groaned on the inside, wanting nothing more than to just stay here with Lexa. And why was the universe against them kissing? This was the second time they had been interrupted and Clarke was starting to become slightly frustrated. It was as if they were going around in circles.

 

* * *

 

 They were indeed late for class, but to their luck the teacher was late as well so she did not get a mark. She had already gotten one and if she got another two she was going to get detention. When they rushed into the classroom they got strange looks thrown at them but she quickly plopped down next to Jasper who also took this class and got a smile in return. Clarke glanced around and found Lexa standing at the door, already in position seeing as her spine was as straight as it could be and that her eyes was trained forward.

“Tough morning?” Jasper asked, bringing Clarke out of her haze. Clarke looked at him and nodded.

“Yeah, I went out of bed, like, ten minutes ago,” she confessed, earning a playful smile from Jasper.

He was about to give her a comment but the door burst open and the teacher walked in. They shared a look before turning towards mr Janson. Clarke stifled a yawn and rubbed her eyes to wake up as she waited for her class to start, suspecting that she was going to need to stifle at least a dozen of those. She sighed and put her head in her hands, but when she glanced at Lexa, she could swear that she saw her trying to suppress a laugh, but her eyes was still trained forward. Clarke rolled her eyes but followed Lexa’s example and trained her own eyes forward to try to pay attention to the teacher. This was going to be a long hour, she thought, but reminded herself that she had taken this class because of Lexa and because of the smile that would be on the other girl’s lips after they got out from this class.


	7. Broken Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's first test arrives and Clarke gets deja vu, a bit of Clarke's past is revealed as well as Lexa's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I decided to post this chapter sooner because next week I have two major tests and two presentations and I don't know if I'm going to be able to write anything. As an early apology, this chapter is a bit longer than the usual ones!
> 
> Anyways, I might warn you that I ended up crying writing this so beware. This is also a bit longer than the other's so I hope that you all will enjoy reading it as always and I greatly appreciate reading your comments, even if it's just a sentence! Until next time, - fantasycloud :)
> 
> And btw, if anyone wants to talk about the fic or has any questions, my tumblr is @minnaaleheim , feel welcome to ask me anything! ;)

It was now a week after their first training session, and while it was the most hard and the most active thing she had ever done, she could not wait for her second one. And it may have something to do with having Lexa’s hands on her body, but that she never said out loud. But, as Lexa kept reminding her of, they could not have another until the attack-period was over. Their absence would be be noted by both the instructors and their friends. Their friends would notice if they were gone because the dhampir’s had created sort of a guarding schedule to be sure of the moroi’s safety and the instructors would notice Lexa’s absence if they decided to make an attack against Clarke, which would be hard if they both had disappeared. So therefore they had to hold off on their trainings until it was an attack free period.

But it still frustrated Clarke.

She was yet again at the library, but she was without her friends this time. She had a free period because her art teacher had a conference and there was no substitute available, so she decided to try to do some of her homework done. Since it was only Clarke Lexa stood directly behind her and not a mile away, and she was grateful because if she had a question, Lexa was right there. Since Lexa already had graduated school she was able to help her quite much with her homework, she had had to take a few of Clarke’s classes and for that, she was deeply grateful.

For example, a big maths test was coming up and Lexa had helped her study on the evenings before they had gone to bed. Clarke had told her to say if she was too tired or if she wasn’t feeling like it, but Lexa just shook her head every time Clarke mentioned it and helped Clarke with whatever she needed help with. Clarke had noticed that Lexa was very clever, she could easily solve something that Clarke did not even have a clue how to, and she found it super sexy. It was hard not to look at her facial expression while she studied, she became so serious and in her eyes a deep concentrating glimt appears and Clarke could easily drown in them.

“Lexa?”

“Yes Clarke?”

“Have anyone actually gotten attacked in the library? I mean, couldn’t a bookcase fall if someone crashed into it? Wouldn’t the librarian get really pissed at you guys?”

“Clarke,” Lexa said, and she swore that Lexa had just rolled her eyes. “Your safety means more than a little chaos in a library. And I do not know to be honest.”

“Then why don’t you just sit down? Your feet must be hurting from standing up all of the time.” She knew what the answer would be, but she could not resist asking anyway.

“I do not mind standing and I must train for the future. I will not always have the luxury of sitting down.”

At that Clarke went silent, because that was their reality. And Clarke had not decided if she pitied them, or pitied herself. Them because they had to put their own lives on hold for them, probably forever, and herself because it was expected of her to do that to a dhampir. The thought of chaining Lexa to herself, to take away all of her dreams and hopes, only to be her slave made her sick. And it was as if Lexa could read her thoughts, because she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.

“And neither of us had the luxury of choosing who we would become, Clarke. Do not waste your energy of thinking of things that you cannot change.”

“But what they’re doing is wrong Lexa, this whole system is fucked up.”

The hand of her should gave a reassuring squeeze before it was taken away and Clarke knew that it meant that she agreed. She also knew that Lexa never would say it out loud because she was not the type of person to complain, but Clarke enough complaining for both of them. She sighed and closed her book, having lost the calmness that studying required it was pointless to try to continue. Besides, she had gotten done with almost everything that she had planned to do.

They walked out of the library and into the cold that was beginning to settle and goosebumps appeared on Clarke’s arms. They hurried over the lawn to get to the cafeteria where their friends would soon be, but as they neared the entrance, something did not feel right. Clarke knew Lexa felt that as well because She felt a protective hand close tightly, but gently, around her wrist, but they had only time to look at each other before Clarke felt a hand on her other wrist, yanking her from Lexa.

She yelped in pain as her hand was ripped from Lexa’s grip and her body collided with a black hooded figure, and Clarke’s heartbeat immediately quickened. She felt an arm around her stomach, holding her tightly against a hard chest and it was as if she was taken back in time, she was no longer standing on the lawn outside the cafeteria, she was standing in that dark alley and it was not an instructor holding her, it was her rapists.

Fear instantly flooded her system and she began hyperventilate. She desperately tried to claw at the hands around her waist, but they stayed put. She looked around her to try to see which one that had grabbed her, but she only saw his arm. That did not help, because now it was as if someone was shooting the memories back into her brain, memories that she tried so hard to surpress, memories that she had forbidden to enter her mind in her awaken state, and them coming at her like pullets made her vision go black around the edges.

But moments after that the arm suddenly disappeared and Clarke was flung to the ground. She drew in a hard breath when her body hit the ground, but she quickly turned so that she saw Lexa. Two instructors had stepped to the side and she watched how Lexa was fighting the one that had hold her. Lexa’s eyes was on fire and her blows was filled with skill and determination and Clarke knew that the instructor did not stand a chance.

But as soon as she saw that Lexa was fine, her memories attacked her more forcefully and she felt her body shaking violently and all she could do was to relive that one night she would give anything to forget. Memory after memory hit her and all she could was to not scream. She felt their touches on her body, she felt her fear in every nerve of her body, she felt the need to throw up and most importantly, she felt her body being paralyzed. She could not move. Their comments echoed in her mind and she felt the screaming pain being radiated through her body and all she could master doing was clenching her eyes shut.

“Clarke.”

She knew who it was, but her voice sounded so far away and her voice was easily drowned in the sound of the men's laughter.

“Clarke, listen to my voice.”

She felt a weight settle over her heart and she gasped for breath, completely lost in the darkness in her mind. She forced her eyes open but her vision was blurry.

“Clarke, you are here with me, you are safe.”

When that comment registered in her mind, it was as if someone did a magic trick on her. The blurry vision disappeared and Lexa’s face swam into focus and it was Lexa’s hand that pressed down on her chest, not some weight that was trying to crush her.

“You are safe.”

A sob tore out of her body and she felt herself being lifted up in Lexa’s strong arms. She clenched her hands in Lexa’s shirt and pressed her head in her shoulder that smelled so much like safety and home by now that it wrenched another sob from her, but not a sob of fear, but one of relief. She felt Lexa’s hands around her tighten and her pace quicken, but she did not care where she was taking her because she was safe and she was with Lexa and not with her rapists. Clarke drew in a long breath only to be followed by another sob and felt herself be lowered down onto a cold and hard surface, but as soon as Lexa sat down she felt her legs being swung over Lexa’s legs so that her body was pressed into Lexa’s and Lexa’s hands came around her body.

“Shh, Clarke, you are here with me.”

“I hear them. I _see_ them. Their hands are everywhere,” she whispered and closed her eyes tightly. Lexa’s grip on her body tightened and it forced her to take long deep breaths.

“Clarke, focus on my voice. You are here, you are _safe_. Take control over the situation just as I taught you in our training. The man that grabbed you was Nathaniel, he is not one of those vile men that hurt you, he is the training instructor of the kids in middle school.”

The only thing in the world that existed was Lexa’s voice, nothing else mattered. She listened to her soothing voice and tried to stop the shaking that roamed her body and she tried to calm her heartbeat down while she listened to her talk about things that seemed to pop up in her mind. She listened to her telling her about how she met Anya and Lincoln, how they used to tease her about her obsession with history and how they never had beat her in a fight. After what seemed like an eternity she opened her eyes and leaned tiredly on Lexa, the shaking had finally stopped and it felt like she had been emotionally drained. Lexa, who was sensing the difference, started rubbing gentle circles on her back and made shushing sounds, who was surprisingly calming, and it was as if those two things exchanged her panic attack to a state of tiredness.

“I’m sorry,” she rasped after a while, her voice muffled against Lexa’s shirt but she knew that Lexa would hear them. “I should have handled that better.”

“No, Clarke. You did nothing wrong.”

She sighed and drew in Lexa’s scent, feeling how it calmed her nerves and a warm feeling started spreading throughout her cold body.

“I want them to stop,” she confessed in a voice barely louder than a breath and she felt Lexa’s embrace tighten around her. Because she knew, Clarke understood. She knew what Clarke was going through. It had not crossed her mind until now, but it was so obvious. She knew exactly how to help her, how to calm her and she said every right thing there was to say.

_What happened to you?_

She sent her question soundlessly to the girl, but she could not voice it. If Lexa went through something, she would decide when and if she would tell Clarke, Clarke would not force her. But she could not help but to wonder what had scarred the girl holding her so badly that she knew the pain that Clarke was going through.

“I know,” she said with a sigh. “And they will stop.”

“When?”

“When you have learned to overcome your fear.”

Clarke groaned and said with a voice drenched in desperation, “And how long is that going to take?”

At that Lexa let out a soft sigh and rubbed Clarke’s back one more time before bringing her hand up to Clarke’s chin, making her look into those striking green eyes of hers.

“It takes as long as it takes.”

Clarke let out a breath but nodded. Suddenly she became aware of where they were and looked around to see that Lexa had carried her to a bench out behind the library, but it was not a soul in sight.

“We should probably go to our friends,” she said with a tired sigh. “They are probably wondering where we are if the instructor’s haven’t told them what happened.”

She felt Lexa nod against her and Clarke slowly got up on shaky legs, waiting for Lexa to be standing next to her before she started walking the same way as before. She would give anything to steer her legs to their room and lay down in her bed, but she had another four classes to go to before she could do that and at that thought she groaned on the inside.

“What time is it?” Clarke suddenly asked, remembering that her next class start at 12:30.

“Clarke, if we are late, I will just say that I was placed under a test, which I was.”

Clarke sneaked her hand into Lexa’s and gave it a squeeze. She heard how Lexa sucked in a breath, but she felt a squeeze back and she let out a breath of her own. The squeeze had only been meant as a gratitude gesture, but once Clarke placed it there the now familiar jolt of electricity flowed through her system, but she was used to it and did not let go. She lightened her grip though to give Lexa the option to withdraw her hand, but she only tightened hers. At that Clarke smiled and dropped her gaze to the ground, letting her hair fall like a curtain between them to hide her blush.

 

* * *

 

They were indeed late, but when Lexa mentioned the attack the teacher instantly nodded in understandment and let Clarke slide next to Octavia. It was Moroi History and they were currently reading about the time when she was born so she could not say that she had missed something. Octavia threw her a worried glance but Clarke just shook her head and gave her a reassuring smile and turned her attention to the teacher.

“As I was saying, when it was declared that Mrs Dragomir’s daughter was going to be named “Griffin” the king and queen made a very big change of the current laws. Now, thanks to Abby Dragomir, a half royal moroi exists. But when the king and queen declared that, a part of the moroi population revolted and-”

“What?!”

Clarke’s voice rang out in the classroom and everyone’s eyes was trained on her. But she could not care less because the teacher had just said something that Clarke had not known.

“What _what,_ miss Griffin?”

“The people revolted?”

And then the color drained from the teacher’s face and she stuttered something unhearable before dashing out of the classroom.

“Octavia? What the hell is she talking about?!”

When Octavia merely shrugged her shoulders Clarke shipped her head around to face the rest of her classmates.

“Does anyone know what she was talking about?!”

She looked desperately around at them but everyone just stared at her. She felt the panic slowly creeping into her system for the second time today and she clenched her eyes shut, but only to open them as she felt a hand wrap around her wrist. When she opened them Lexa stood before her eyes, looking with an expression mixed with understanding and sympathy.

“You know?” she managed to whisper but Lexa just shook her head that said “Not here” and started to gently drag her out followed by her curious classmates stares.

When the door closed behind them Clarke whirled around and faced Lexa.

“Please,” she whispered and her voice was drenched in desperation.

“Clarke, are you sure that you want to know?”

“Yes.”

But when Lexa’s mouth opened a yell rang out the corridor.

“NO! Please, it was a mistake! No, please, have mercy!”

They both spun around to see their teacher being dragged out by two of the school guards with faces set deadly serious and grim, and Clarke could only watch. What had she done wrong? She turned to Lexa, but her confusion was mirrored in Lexa’s own face. They only needed to look at one anther one second longer before they both sprinted to the headmasters office.

“Mr Jaha, why is she being dragged away?” Clarke demanded when they came rushing in. Jaha could only raise his head before her next line. “And don’t you dare lie to me, I want to know about the revolt.”

“Miss Griffin I will advise you to consider your tone before you voice anything more,” he said threatening and as an instinct Lexa’s hand closed around Clarke’s wrist. But Clarke barely registered it this time, too much anger flowed through her system.

“No, I want answers. Why is our history teacher being dragged away, _as we speak_ I might add, because she was teaching about her subject?”

Her eyes was locked with Jaha’s the entire time and refused to look away under his dangerous one because she would not walk out of here without answers.

“Fine, if you will not tell me, I want to talk to my mother.”

At that the color in his face vanished. But he did still not waver.

“No.”

“What is it that you and everyone else so desperately is trying to hide from me?”

“It’s none of your concern.”

“But it is though,” a voice rang out and Clarke quickly looked over at Lexa. She had come to stand beside her and she held her head high. “She has the right to know her own history.”

“Mind your place miss Woods,” Jaha hissed at her and Clarke quickly shook her head at Lexa, but the other girl was on fire.

“No, she should be able to choose if she wants to know or not, I am tired of this secrecy! I have lived here all my life and not once have you given us the whole truth. The people have a right to know about their own past so that they know what they expect in the future. It is only fair given the thought that we dhampir’s are about to give up our lives for you, the one thing we should be able to ask in return is the truth to our own past.”

Clarke stared at Lexa, lost with words. Lexa’s raging speech had thrown her off course. _If looks could kill_. The statement popped up in her mind as soon as she saw the look in Lexa’s eyes, because if that statement was true, Jaha would be beyond dead. He would be buried miles beneath the face of the earth.

“Miss Woods, I will say this again. You should mind your tone, this is the same reason that got your dear miss Crewe killed, she couldn’t keep her own mouth shut either.”

At the mention of the stranger’s name, Lexa stilled. The color in her face drained and she was now white as a sheet. Her eyes was still locked with Jaha’s, but she was somewhere else, somewhere far away from here. The pain that followed was obvious and Clarke could have sworn that she just saw Lexa’s lower lip quiver.

“Now, leave me.”

Clarke tugged gently on Lexa’s arm and surprisingly she followed without Clarke having to ask her twice as she had thought. Lexa stumbled out of the study after her and Clarke’s worry only grew. Lexa never stumbled, Lexa had never even become slightly unstable around her and Clarke knew that this had to do to with the mention of this “miss Crewe”. But she also knew that since Lexa rarely lost focus, she suspected that it was a while ago since she had a break down. And she knew how hard hers was, and she had them on a regular basis, but for Lexa, hers would come and swipe her up as a hurricane.

That’s why she quickly led her to their room where she knew they would be undisturbed. Where Lexa could lose control without having to hold back.

When the door closed behind them Lexa stood rooted in the middle of the room, unmoving as if she would break with her eyes closed. Clarke carefully approached her and slowly placed her hands atop of Lexa’s closed fists. She squeezed them gently and waited patiently for her to open her eyes. At the touch of Clarke’s hands Lexa let out a staggered breath followed by a quiet whimper. A wave of compassion and sympathy for the girl’s clear sorrow hit Clarke and she quickly let go of her hands and wrapped them around the now shaking green eyed girl.

When her arms wrapped around Lexa’s body, Lexa collapsed into them. She slumped into her arms and drew in a sharp breath only to be followed with a stream of hot tears down her cheeks.

“Lexa, I’m here. Don’t hold back.”

At Clarke’s silent but strong whisper, Lexa snapped. A loud cry of pain came out of Lexa’s throat and her arms came around Clarke’s in a death grip. Clarke felt hot tears spill against her shoulder as she held the shaking girl and her own heart ached at the sight of Lexa at her vulnerable state. Because she realized that not many people had seen it, probably not anyone except maybe Anya, if even her. That made her heart ache even harder and she felt the need to hold the girl tighter, to make her feel like she could just let it out for once. To make her feel that she had someone that would not judge.

“It’s okay,” she said in a soothing voice. “Let it go.”

Clarke moved them so that they sat on the bed, Clarke with her back against the headrest and Lexa positioned against her chest, almost in the same position that they were placed earlier in today but in switched positions, the only difference was that Lexa’s body was curled up at Clarke’s side instead of her legs flung over her. Clarke’s arms wrapped around her back and waist in a protective embrace and all she could do was to hold the shaking girl while she cried. Clarke made the realization that they were both two broken girls with two broken souls. Two broken children. She did not know what was worse, the thought of Lexa had gone through what she had had to endure or that they both connected in that way when they both were so young. Because they were still children, Lexa was only nineteen and Clarke eighteen and they were both in school. So holding Lexa as she cried her heart out silently on Clarke’s shoulder pierced her heart in many different ways.

After of what could be hours Lexa’s hard sobs finally came to an end and turned into ragged breaths. Her body was still pressed against hers and her hands was still clenching in Clarke’s shirt like there was no tomorrow, but Clarke did not ask. She let Lexa take the time she needed. And she knew that she needed it because this was something that she had to master on her own without being forced, this was her obstacle in order for her to be able to heal.

She held her and felt her relax more and more, slowly releasing her grip on Clarke’s shirt and started to breath more even, and that’s when she started talking.

“Her name was Costia,” she finally said, her voice still laced with sorrow and pain. She stifled a sob at the mention of her name but she continued. “She was a moroi that I was supposed to be guarding for the rest of my life, and I loved her deeply. But when we were seventeen she was taken by the strigoi.” Clarke felt herself draw in a sharp breath. Her embrace tightened around the girl as if she tried to relieve her of the burden that lexa carried, not imagined that it would be so heavy.

“I got sent her head with a note attached to it. _She knew too much,_ it said. And what’s worse is that I still have no idea of what she knew. But what I did know about her was that once she was on something, she would never let it go until she had gotten to the bottom of it. But I still do not understand what she knew that was so big that it got her killed.”

Her voice broke at the end and Clarke could feel a silent tear making its way down her face, because what Lexa just told her was gruesome. She tried to imagine a seventeen year old Lexa, waiting for her love to turn up only to be met with her head in a basket instead. The thought made her sick and this did sound worse than a strigoi’s doing. A strigoi would use a moroi as food, draining their blood to then just toss the body to the side, not bothering to announce their deaths to their loved ones. But to go through the trouble of sending their head _with a note_ , her thoughts could not help but to begin to spin.

“I failed her.”

Lexa’s broken voice brought her out of her thoughts but Clarke instantly pushed her thoughts away and brought one hand up to Lexa’s chin, forcing her to meet her eyes.

“Listen to me,” she said with a sharp voice. “You did _nothing_ wrong. Are you listening?” Lexa’s eyes were bloodshot and they were still leaking. “You did nothing wrong,” she repeated because she needed for Lexa to register her words. But as Clarke looked into her eyes, she saw something shift. The sorrow she saw was replaced with one of panic.

“Clarke,” she said and started to frantically pull at her shirt like as if she was in desperate need of something to ground her. “Clarke, you have to promise me that you will not die.” Clarke had only time to nod before Lexa’s voice started to reach a dangerously high note. “Clarke, I cannot go through that again, “I cannot lose you too!”

“Lexa!” Clarke said out loud, breaking her out of her panicked state, making Lexa’s eyes snap back to hers. “I will not disappear.” She brought one of Lexa’s hands up and placed it right above her beating heart, forcing Lexa to feel how it was beating violently behind her ribs. “I am here and I promise you that I will stay.”

A sob tore itself out of her body and Lexa pressed her head against her chest, needing to feel her closeness to believe Clarke’s words. Clarke held her to the point where she knew it must be uncomfortable for Lexa as she felt her fingers digging into Lexa’s back, but Lexa only returned the intensity and pressed harder into Clarke.

“If you died, I would not know what to do with myself,” a whisper filled with every sad and broken emotion that Clarke could think of and all she could do was to press a kiss into her soft brown mess of braids.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said with the most convincing and promising voice she could muster.

Clarke felt how Lexa shifted in her arms after the second the sentence left her mouth. She looked at her with a confused expression as her eyes landed on her face because it was set with so much sorrow yet at the same time with so much determination and need. She knitted her eyebrows together and was about to ask her what was going on before Lexa closed the distance between them and pressed her soft wet lips hard against Clarke’s own.

 


	8. Choose Your Battles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confession in the dark and Clarke's mother pays a visit that takes an interesting turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you for your patience, the past week has been hell for me. My personal life has become sort of a disaster, but this chapter was a very welcome distraction.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this one, it contains a bit of everything I guess. Let me now what you guys think in the comment section below! - fantasycloud

The kiss was gentle and passionate, it was caring and it was full of life and of promise. It was everything it needed to be, and it was perfect. This was the kind of kiss that said a million things in only one touch, a kiss that made her feel every nerve in her body, making every sense heightened and the kind of kiss that made her feel alive in every possible way. It was a kiss that demanded to be felt, demanded to be remembered.

The way that Lexa’s lips touched her own, the way her arms threaded themselves around Lexa’s waist, it was as if they both finally found home after a very long time alone.

Clarke returned the kiss instantly and was completely lost in Lexa’s touch. Lexa was gentle even in this moment of need and desperation, the only thing that gave her away was the way her fingers dug into her back and the wet moisture that coated her cheeks.

When it became clear for Lexa that Clarke was there, that she was present and was not going away, a quiet whimper escaped her lips and Clarke felt her sink deeper into the embrace. Lexa’s arms came around her neck and she threaded her hands into her hair and when Lexa’s fingers scratched her scalp, Clarke could not help but to let out a sigh.

The first who broke the kiss was Lexa, her breath came out ragged and fast as she caught her breath and rested her forehead against Clarke’s own. They just stayed in that position, taking in what just happened and just enjoying the other one’s presence. Clarke’s hand untangled itself from Lexa’s hair and slid down her cheek and wiped away the tears that still lingered on the damp skin and she felt Lexa shudder slightly under her touch. They were still caught in each other’s arms and Clarke was glad that Lexa made no try to pull away because she needed to feel her presence just as badly as Lexa needed hers in this moment of vulnerability.

“Do _you_ promise?” Clarke whispered, not daring to speak any louder because of the feeling that her voice was going to break.

“Promise what?”

“Promise that you won’t leave me. Everyone else has.”

At that Lexa’s hands drew her in closer, she felt her hands press against her back as if she was trying to push their bodies into one. They both sighed in content at the closeness and only that small gesture made it clear for Clarke, but she still needed to hear it so that it was not just in her imagination. She just held her breath until Lexa released a shuddering one and nodded against Clarke’s skin.

“I promise.”

She let out a breath and shifted their position so that Lexa’s head was resting on Clarke’s shoulder, her body laying slightly over her and Clarke’s arms came encircling the brunettes torso. Lexa snuggled her head in Clarke’s neck and let her own hands come around Clarke’s body, wrapping around her in a firm grip, still afraid of her slipping away. Clarke placed a kiss on her head when she felt the grip and at that moment she caught herself wishing that they could stay like this forever.

 

* * *

 

When Clarke opened her eyes, her vision was cracked. She had a moment of confusion and blinked a couple of times, but when she noticed the cracks being Lexa’s hair, she smiled. They lay almost exactly as they had fallen asleep, only now lexa was turned so that their foreheads brushed together instead of her back. Clarke did not know what time it was, but she decided that she was not ready to wake up. She nuzzled her head closer to the green eyed brunette and closed her eyes when she felt her warmth wrap her up.

 _This is what heaven feels like_.

But just as the thought had crossed her mind, the body next to her froze. Clarke opened her eyes in surprise and leaned back, taking in the now very awake Lexa and her wide eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

Lexa’s eyes shifted down to hers and Clarke could easily sense the uneasiness in them. She sighed and ran a hand slowly up and down Lexa’s arm, trying to coach the answer out of her. Clarke saw Lexa close her eyes at the movement, so that was at least something positive. She watched her draw in a deep breath and she squeezed her arm, making it sizzle back out.

“I am sorry, Clarke.”

“For what?”

“Because how the way I acted last night. It was completely unacceptable and I understand if certain… _things_ …we did was just a way to… I do not know, calm me down? Anyway, you will never see me like that again.”

At that Clarke stopped the movement with her hand and brought it up instead so that her hand rested under Lexa’s chin. She nudged it with her knuckle until she saw her eyes open and she held them in stuck place with her own.

“Lexa, firstly I just want to say that I don’t think any less of you after yesterday, if anything I admire you even more. And secondly, I would never do something like that only to reassure you, don’t you know that by now?” she said and closed the distance and pressed her lips to Lexa’s. She felt the brunette sigh into the kiss and she finally felt her relax. But Clarke drew away and looked into her eyes again.

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

She smiled and pecked her lips once more before rising out of bed. She turned around with an even bigger smile when she heard Lexa’s whimper, and laughed out loud when she saw Lexa’s grimace.

“Why do you need to go up?”

“Because we need to get to breakfast. I think our friends will be very concerned of us because we did not attend any classes after that history lesson-”

Clarke froze in mid sentence.

The lesson. The teacher. The revolt.

“Lexa, what happened?”

She heard Lexa sigh behind her, and that was enough confirmation that Lexa knew what she was referring to. She then heard the covers being drawn back and the second later, a hand slipped over hers.

“I do not know much-”

“I don’t care, just _tell me_.”

Then she was being spunned around and held firmly into place by a very strong set of hands.

“And _I will_ Clarke, I just ask of you not to react foolishly.”

“Why would I foolishly?”

Lexa, sensing the panic in her voice and seeing it in her eyes gently lowered them onto the bed so that they sat on the edge.

“I just want you to promise me.”

“Lexa, you’re scaring me.”

“Just _promise,_ Clarke” Lexa said with a pleading. At that she closed her eyes and breathed in a deep breath and nodded.

“I promise.”

“Okay, so when you were-”

But she was interrupted. A loud trumpet was heard that made Clarke’s bones chatter. She groaned loudly, this was the second time that they’ve been interrupted, because she knew that signal. It meant that the queen was here. It meant that her _mother_ was here, and attendance was mandatory. She looked at Lexa who just threw her an empathetic look and she felt a squeeze on her hand before Lexa stood up and pulled her up in the process.

“Great. Just great,” Clarke exclaimed sarcastically but sighed when she felt Lexa draw her into a hug. She rested her forehead on Lexa’s chest and felt her head settling atop of her own.

“Now you can ask her.”

She nodded and placed her lips on her heaving chest and breathed in her scent that had become home before pulling away. She pulled on her shoes and took her hand and drew her towards the door.

 

* * *

 

“Clarke, thank god, where were you?!”

“Relax O, I’m fine, yesterday were just… Well, a little too much.”

They were just walking into the aula when they were ambushed by Octavia. Clarke immediately felt bad for yelling at her yesterday and drew her in a hug without a second thought.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“I know.”

She smiled into the blackish brown hair and thanked that gods for her new found friends. They had really begun to being close to being her family, and since she did not have one at the moment, that was really something.

“Clarke.”

“What Maya?”

Clarke saw the face that Maya had, it did not give her any positive feelings at all.

“Your mother has requested to see you. Both of you.”

At that, Clarke stopped. Her mother she could handle, but what did she want with Lexa? Clarke looked back over at her in alarm, but Lexa had on her stony mask so the only thing that Clarke had to go on was her eyes. But before Clarke’s eyes even reached Lexa’s the brunette turned around and said with an unreadable tone “Come on, let us not keep the queen waiting.”

Clarke sighed but nodded, because one thing she does now and that is that her mother does not like to be kept waiting.

They made their way out of the aula and were followed by their friends sympathetic looks that was cast their way, but Lexa remained her ridgid self. Clarke sighed and put a hand on Lexa’s arm.

“Hey, tell me what you’re thinking.”

“About what?”

“You know what.”

“It is okay, Clarke. I have not met your mother yet.”

“Well I’m sorry. i just want you to know that before…”

“Before what?”

“I’m just worried.”

“Clarke, I am a big girl. I can take care of myself.”

“She may overreact over something stupid. She might ask you questions.”

“It is fine Clarke, I can handle it.”

“I’m still sorry.”

She heard a sigh emerge from Lexa’s throat and the second after she felt her hand settle on her own. She looked over at Lexa, surprised of this public affection, but all she got in response was a light squeeze before she started to walk again. She only wished that Lexa would get away easily.

She should have learned that her wishes stopped being granted a long time ago.

They entered Jaha’s office and instead of the tall man himself, her mother was seated in the big black leather chair with her hands clasped in her lap and her empty eyes was boringly searching the room, but when they walked in, her eyes landed on them and she got this special look on her face. A look that Clarke knew well. Trouble.

“Clarke.”

“Mother.”

Abby stood up from her chair and strode gracefully over to where Clarke stood positioned herself before her with only an inch between their faces. Clarke swallowed when she looked into her eyes that once was filled with so much life and joy now consisted with only darkness. The mother that she had known was long gone.

“More than a month has passed and you haven’t called. Is everything alright?”

“Yes mother.”

Clarke had not realized how tense she was until her voice came out, it sounded strangled, out of breath and it was on a slightly higher note than usual tone.

“Or do you wish to come back home? Admit this failure?”

“No,” she said with more confidence. Her mother’s mouth went from being quite normal to being drawn in a thin line, hin as a line drawn by a pen.

“Alright then.”

She looked Clarke up and down and started circle around her. Her hands came to rest atop of Clarke’s waist and Clarke resisted the urge of slapping them away, knowing the mayhem of a fight she would get if she defied her.

“You have gained weight.”

Clarke only swallowed.

Abby removed her hands and took one of her hands in her own.

“You have bitten down your nails, you have none left.”

She did not see how any of this concerned her mother, let alone why her mother thought that she had a right to touch her like this, examine her. But as soon as those thoughts had crossed her mind, she felt a hard slap across her cheek and a painful stinging feeling replace it a second later.

“I can hear your thoughts, child.”

Clarke was shocked. Had her mother really sunk so low that she would hit her own daughter? Her hand came up and she placed it atop of her stinging skin. She felt a hand settle around the one that was still hanging to her side, and she knew instantly that it was Lexa. She caught herself wondering in fear what would come for Lexa when apparently her mother had no boundaries.

“Why are you here, mother?”

“I needed to ensure your security. I was recently informed of your assigned dhampir and I came as fast as I could.”

“Lexa is one of the best dhampir’s here, don’t bring her into this.”

“But dear Clarke, she is the only reason that I’m here. If you would have received somebody else I had not come. And really, one of the best? Ha!”

Clarke pretended that that did not hurt in a second before coming with a retreat.

“Yes, she is actually one of the best. _The_ best if I would decide.”

At that Abby turned to Lexa and tried to stare her down, but Lexa only looked at her with an utterly bored and stony expression that it almost was comical. When, after a minute, Abby realized that she was not winning that, she turned to Clarke.

“Well, that we will prove.”

At that Clarke’s eyes shot up and and looked at her mother.

“What?”

“You said that she was one of the best. Let me prove it. I’m going to put her in the ring with the most well trained school guardian this school have. If she wins, you get to keep her. If she looses, she will be exchanged.”

Abby swooshed out of the office after that, leaving a wide eyed Clarke and an unmoving Lexa. Clarke cats her head sideways, taking in Lexa’s face, her posture and tried to read the girl.

“Lex… Tell me what you’re thinking.”

But Lexa just shook her head. That made Clarke a hundred times more worried, but she did not had time to do anything before Lexa was before her, taking the position her mother was in only minutes before. She felt her hands rest on her waist where her mother’s had been, but this time she was not feeling uncomfortable. This time a warmth spread from the touch and it made Clarke ache for more. So she brought her hands on top of Lexa’s and guided them onto her lower back before bringing her own around Lexa’s neck.

“The way she touched you… I wanted to rip her apart.”

Lexa leaned back slowly and placed one of her own hands on the now red cheek and let her index finger slide in the outline of the mark. Clarke leaned into the touch, ignored the slight pain that erupted from the mark, and leaned her face on Lexa’s shoulder.

“I’m fine. It’s you who have to fight the school’s most trained guardian because of me.”

She felt the hand around her back squeeze it lightly.

“It is okay Clarke, I will handle it. I will not let them exchange me.”

“But what if you lose? I can’t lose you, Lexa.” Her words were muffled in Lexa’s shirt, but the way that she tightened her grip on Clarke let her know that she had been heard.

“You won’t. Because I chose to fight this battle, it is because I choose it that i will win it.”

She felt a kiss being placed upon her head and she tilted her head upwards slightly and captured them with her own.

Being kissed by Lexa made her experience so much feelings at the same time it was confusing. It was indescribable. But it was wonderful. And over way too soon.

“Come on,” Lexa said playfully. “We need to talk to our friends.”

“Our friends huh?”

A smile stretched across her face now, and all of her thoughts on her mother had disappeared. Because that same second Lexa’s hands traveled down a little lower on her back and rested just at the end of it and pressed Clarke into herself and grinned, and boy Clarke loved that smile, and Clarke felt herself being lost in a sea of green.

“Our friends.”

 

* * *

 

On their way to the table that had become theirs, Lexa took her hand. Clarke looked first at their joined hands, then up at Lexa. But she just winked at her and continued to the table. Clarke tried to surpress a grin, but she suspected that she failed miserably. Once they had sat down, they scooted closer and kept their hands locked under the table. She hoped that Lexa was okay with their friends finding out, because if they started to hold hands in public, it would not take long to figure out. But right now, all that Clarke felt was that she adored the brunette next to her.

“So, what did the evil queen want?”

“Jasper!”

Maya hit him on the head, but everyone laughed at their interaction. In fact, Clarke sadly thought that the name fit the woman now. As if Lexa could sense her feelings she felt a reassuring squeeze from the hand holding hers and she nodded slightly in return.

“She… Well, she was being her usual self for starters.” At that everyone nodded in agreement because of her _spectacular_ reputation. “Anyways, then I accidentally became the cause of the fight that Lexa now will have with the most skilled guardian at school.”

“What?”

At that comment, Clarke was surprised. Because it was the dhampir’s that said in chorus, and they usually, well except for Lincoln, never said a word around the moroi.

“I said that Lexa was the best dhampir here, and she wants to prove it,” Clarke explained but covered slightly behind Lexa at the stares that was thrown her way by Anya, but Lexa stepped in and turned her body so that it cut the stare off.

“Anya, calm down. Her mother threatened her with replacing me with another dhampir. Clarke only said what she thought was necessary.”

Clarke dared a peek from behind Lexa’s shoulder and could instantly make out a set jaw, but she caught the nod, as if somehow Lexa was in demand. But since Anya still looked angry, she did not bring up the subject. Instead she tapped Lexa on the shoulder and motioned her to eat. Clarke and Lexa had not eaten since breakfast the former day, and she new that Lexa always was hungry. So she was not surprised when Lexa almost drooled over her food and started eating it like she had never seen it again. Clarke disguised her laugh in a cough attack, the classic move, but Lexa was too busy to notice.

At that lunch, all of their friends, and themselves, ate in peace among jokes and laughter, and Clarke could not be happier. She had found a new family, perhaps not blood related has the one before, but that did not matter. She had found the sisters that she never had, the brothers that she never got too meet and a couple of great advisors.

And last but not least, she had found Lexa. Her unexpected new source of every ounce of inspiration and happiness and safety. She had found the one person that had the ability to heal her, to pick up the pieces and put them back together. Without her Clarke would crumble. Without her, Clarke would lose every newfound feeling of being safe, and she could not go through with that again. Lexa was her bright spot in her dark world, her only break from all of the madness around her.

“Clarke.”

And then it was gone. Every feeling of laughter or joy she felt just went out the window.

“Mother.”

“The first round starts in half an hour. If the dhampir doesn’t show up, she will instantly be replaced.”

Clarke only clenched her jaw so hard that she thought her teeth would break, but nodded. Abby raised her head and whirled around. Clarke had not noticed it before but every single head in the dining room was staring at her just as they had done on her first day, and she once again turned her gaze to the floor. She shifted her body so that it was slightly bent forward, hunching her shoulders, but she relaxed when a strong arm came and encircled her waist.

“Do not think of them,” Lexa said in a breath in her hair, only meant for her to hear. She is certain that Monty that they sat next to may have heard, but if he did, he did not show it. So she just nodded at Lexa’s note and returned her focus on the cup that was half empty, but her appetite was gone. So instead she leaned in to Lexa’s touch and rested her head on Lexa’s strong shoulder. Clarke waited for the comments, she really counted the seconds until someone said something, but she was proved wrong. Maybe one or two threw them a knowing look, but most of them respected them. At that Clarke’s own respect only grew for them, for respecting her privacy. They would tell them, but maybe not just yet. They only kissed yesterday for the first time, they had plenty of time left to tell them. Okay, may not be true, but Clarke avoided that statement.

Lexa finished her plate and stood up them, asking if everyone was ready. When her eyes landed on Clarke, they became worried with the little amount of blood that she had digested, but Clarke just shook her head. She felt fine except for the never ending worry that seemed to have rooted itself inside of her. Now the only thing that stood in her way of letting go of it was her mother. Wonder if she ever will come close to her again, or if she only will have Lexa. She only hoped that Lexa would still want her after today, who knows what else her mother would pull?

When they reached the ring, Clarke’s jaw dropped. The opponent that stood in the ring had a very famous reputation here on school. She is the dhampir that no one ever beat. She is the one that always wins, no matter the opponent. And the strain tone in Lexa’s otherwise neutral tone confirmed it.

**“Indra.”**


	9. Carry You Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's and Indra's fight occur's and they both passes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again people! This chapter is a little shorter than the usual ones, but I hope thats okay because it came out faster :)
> 
> I have started a new fanfc, Heart Of Courage, and I would be very happy if you checked it out. And as a warning, since I have two it MIGHT be a little more waiting for each chapter, but I don't know yet. Anyways, hope that you will enjoy this one and the other one and leave your thoughts for me in the comment section below on both, - fantasycloud :)

**“Indra.”**

Clarke’s body was frozen in place but her mind went wild. Thousands of voices filled her head and emotions bombarded her heart as flying bullets. She could feel her heartbeat coming faster together and her breaths came with only a second apart. For Lexa to continue being hers, she would have to beat the unbeatable. But if she had thought closely about it, this would not have come as a surprise.

But she had to rely on Lexa’s skill. She had seen her fight. If Lexa set her mind to it, Clarke knew that she could win. But that still did not help her at all. Her hands started to sweat and her gaze flickered fast over Lexa’s face to make sure that she was… Well, whatever that would make her okay.

“You came.”

Abby’s icy voice rang through the open area but for once Clarke ignored her.

“Lexa, you can do this, right?”

Lexa then looked down on her with a serious expression and nodded once. Clarke then decided to do something that might get her in trouble. But she made the choice because she decided that she did not care. She stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to Lexa’s. Her arms came around her neck in an iron hold and she kissed her passionately. She sighed into the kiss when she felt Lexa’s arms around her torso a second later and Lexa kissed her back with the same intensity.

Around them Clarke could hear gasps. It was a mix between shocked ones and knowing. She could even hear one whistle. But she did not care because Lexa was kissing her like there was no tomorrow and she had no intention of letting her go. But, when Lexa withdrew Clarke immediately stepped back to give her space, but she was catched in an iron grip.

“You can’t kiss me like that and then expect me to let you go,” she said in a mix between humor and lust. She then noticed that Lexa’s pupils were widely dilated and that her breathing was uneven, and she swallowed. They were still locked in one of the tightest embrace’s they could muster and right now none of them cared what the others saw. Clarke smiled and rested her forehead against Lexa’s and she could swear that she heard Lexa swallow.

“Clarke!”

It was as if her mother had found her voice again, because it came out strangled. But this time, Clarke smirked and stayed right where she was. Her mother had destroyed so much already in her life, now it was time for her to feel ignored for a while.

“Clarke, step away from that, that thing!”

She could feel Lexa flinch at the world, but Clarke only squeezed her harder into herself.

“No,” she said.

“I will NOT have my daughter with a dhampir, it is an insult to the family and it is unacceptable. Come here!”

“No,” she said a little louder and stepped away from Lexa and turned around. “No mother, I will not step away from her. And she is not just a dhampir. She is the most fierce, the most loyal and the most caring person that I have ever met! She is also the most beautiful girl that I have seen, and now it’s my turn to protect her. And it’s time that we stop these lines that we have set up. So no, I will not step away from her.”

Abby looked like someone had set her on fire. Her face was hot and her eyes sent a flash of lightning with every stare. It looked like her mind was being overheated as well because for once she did not come with a response immediately and Clarke enjoyed every second of it.

“So you choose to defy me?” she said after a quiet minute.

“Yes,” she said with confidence.

“Well then.”

She turned around and shouted some orders to the guards behind her and Clarke could see the difficulties they had to follow them. She felt sorry for them as she watched how they all formed a circle so that Indra and Lexa would not escape. Clarke gulped a little at that, but relaxed once more when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and met Lexa’s shining eyes.

“You did not have to do that,” she said and her voice was barely a whisper. But Clarke only smiled and pressed a light kiss to her mouth.

“Yes I did.”

She felt Lexa smile against her lips before they were catched again. This kiss lasted a bit longer, but not long enough in Clarke’s taste. She could feel Lexa breath in a deep breath before pushing herself from Clarke and starting walking towards the ring. Indra was already in it with her face set, and Lexa matched her expression.

“Good luck Lexa,” she heard Anya say to Lexa quietly on her way in, and Clarke smiled a sad smile. She knew that Anya, especially Anya, would jump in to defend her at any moment, but just this one she was not allowed to. So that was why she decided to stand behind her, to offer her some kind of comfort. Because Clarke knew that even if she did not show it, she appreciated it.

“Okay then, begin!”

Clarke held her breath. Lexa dropped into the same stance that she had shown Clarke in the gym, her knees were bent and her feet were a few inches apart. her arms was up before her face, but not so close so that they would hit her if she was hit. Indra did the exact replica of Lexa’s movements and when one of them moved, the other one did.

They walked slowly around the circle, taking their time. Lexa’s steps was as gracious like the shadow, quiet like the wind. Her eyes was set on Indra and she did not even blink. Now was the ultimate time for her to prove herself she realized, if she beat Indra she would most definitively graduate with flying colors.

The practice stakes that they always bore went out and Lexa held hers in a firm grip. Then she made the first move, flying forward aiming a kick to Indra’s stomach, but changing in the last minute and succeeded to land a blow on her lower leg instead, making Indra stumble a little. But Indra is fast,really fast and she regained her stance quickly and threw out her hand in a fist and connects it against Lexa’s jaw. The impact is strong and it makes Lexa stumble backwards, but of the looks of it she is ignoring the pain that must be flowing and circles Indra again.

Clarke watches with her heart in her throat as they make moves and countermoves, one punch after the other. The fight seems to stretch out to hours and Clarke has her hands over her mouth the entire time, flinching every time Lexa is hit. But it seems like they both know each other too well to fight, because if Lexa does something it is like Indra sees it coming and dodge’s it before she have thrown it.

Indra landed a blow with her foot in Lexa’s stomach, but Lexa only took a firm grip around it and spun her around, forcing Indra to retreat a little and catching her balance. But Lexa was there, locking her arms around her trainer from behind and brought up her knee to bring her down, but Indra bit down on one of Lexa’s arms forcefully and Lexa cried out in pain, letting go of her in the process. Clarke watched as the blood started to drip down her arm and she must have made a move to go to her because she felt Anya’s hand on her arm in a strong grip and when she looked at her, she shook her head. So she just set her jaw and watched helplessly how Lexa was in pain.

Indra took advantage of her pain, she dug a finger in her wound and punched forcefully into Lexa’s stomach. Her scream was cut off by a blow to the head and she started to sway a little.

A sheet of sweat was coating Lexa’s skin and her breathing was fast. Clarke could already spot some bruises on the exposed parts of her body and her fingers ached to heal them. She watched how Indra succeeded getting into Lexa’s bubble and how Indra’s elbow came up in a hard jab on Lexa’s already bleeding cheek, and she watched her flinch. But Lexa had no time of catching her breath because Indra had only begun. Lexa managed to block the most of her next punch, but when Indra kicked her so that she lost her foothold, Lexa took her down with her. They landed on top of each other, both breathing hard, but Lexa quickly used her body size as an advantage and hooked her legs around Indra and spun her around so that she layed underneath.

Lexa acted immediately, her hand closed around the handle of her stake and before Indra had any idea of what was going on, Lexa’s practice stake was down over her heart.

There was a one second silence before the applause came. Everyone clapped and everyone was impressed. Everyone expect Abby. Clarke could hear the woman scream in realization that her daughter was to remain with Lexa, but right now she did not care about her mother. The crowd sounded as if they were outside a bubble. Because Anya’s hand was gone and she was sprinting at Lexa, helping her up from her trainers body.

She threw herself around Lexa’s body and held her tightly around the torso, never wanting to let her go. But she felt her swaying on the spot so she withdrew her face took look at Lexa’s, and gasped. Lexa was on the verge of passing out. Those blows she took to her head must have been pretty hard and more painful that she had let it shown. Clarke stepped away from Lexa but quickly rethought that when Lexa started to fall. She succeeded to catch her in her arms, but she was too heavy for her. but she did not even have to say something, because there was Anya at Lexa’s other side, sliding a hand under her arm.

“Come on,” she said through gritted teeth, and Clarke nodded. The two of them half carried and half dragged Lexa’s limp body out of there and out of site. Anya growled something at Lincoln as she passed him and Clarke saw him nod once. But she did not know to what, but she did not care.

 

* * *

 

 

“Okay, here,” she said when they had reached their room. She kicked the door open with her leg and together the laid Lexa on her bed.

“You can heal her, right?”

“Yes,” she said with confidence and looked at Lexa. Seeing her like this, beaten and unconscious made her heart ache. Lexa who never wanted to be seen as weak, Lexa who barely let anyone see anything other than a girl unable for emotions.

Clarke held out her hands over her bitemark the covered her left arm first, not touching it, but holding them over it. She knitted her eyebrows together in concentration and started to imagine how it closed up. She only thought of the magic’s work, closed off everything else. And soon enough, she felt a heating sensation build up underneath her hands and when she opened her eyes, she good see that the glowing had healed the wound. She sighed in relief and tiredly closed her eyelids. Using magic was so draining, but she forced them open. She had more to go before she could stop. So she moved her hands to her head and mimicking her previous actions there.

After 20 horrible minutes she was finally done. Anya had been needing to hold her up for the last five and now, she was exhausted. She dreamed of just sleeping right now, but she had to be here when Lexa woke up. She had to, Lexa had just done all of that for her.

Lexa slowly blinked her eyes open, testingly bringing a hand up to her head before looking to her side. And it was as if someone had poured a bucket of ice water over her, because she sat up so quickly and gasped and Clarke had to lean back on Anya to not get hit.

“Lex, you’re safe,” she croaked out and looked at the brunette. Lexa’s eyes snapped to hers the second the words left her mouth and she had only time to give her a little smile because then Lexa’s arms was around her and she was kissing her furiously.

She smiled into the kiss and brought her own to let it rest on her lower back and returned her kisses with equal force. her arms came around her heavy body and wrapped around her tightly and Clarke felt Anya letting go of her. Clarke brought her second hand up to let it rest at the nape of Lexa, guiding it up in her hair. She heard her sigh into the kiss and she smiled again, but when one of Lexa’s hands slipped away, her body swayed.

At that Lexa stopped herself, drawing back to inspect the younger moroi. Clarke offered her a weak smile and gave Lexa’s hair a light tug.

“I’m fine, just tired.”

“Here, lie down,” she demanded and Clarke pouted.

“No, I wanna be with you.”

“Later,” she promised and she could swear that she heard Anya chuckle. But Clarke’s eyelids had become as heavy as bricks and she tried fighting the,, but she lost. She looked at Lexa one last time and felt her press a kiss to her forehead before she blacked out.

The next time she woke up it was bright in their room. She threw a protective arm around her eyes to shield the sunlight and was about to get out of bed when she realized that she could not move. She looked down on her body and smiled when she found the reason.

Lexa’s arm was draped around her waist in an iron grip, her hand holding her shirt just above her hip tight. Lexa’s head rested on her shoulder, and when Clarke moved slightly, Lexa murmured a little and snuggled it closer. Clarke’s smile only grew at that, because in her sleep Lexa was a snuggler. She laughed a little and ran her free hand down the side of her face. Lexa’s legs was tangled with her left one and somehow, Clarke had succeeded to sleep through when she had gotten into this position last night.

“Lexa,” she said quietly and continued her hands way down her arm instead. She felt Lexa smile in her sleep against her collarbone and Clarke laughed again.

“Lex, time to wake up.” She stroked some hair out of the sleeping girl’s eyes and bent down to kiss her head.

“Clarke?” a groggy voice said.

“Yes,” she answered and turned in her embrace so that she was facing her. She brushed away some more hair from her face and watched as those green eyes that she cared so much for started to peek out.

“Why are you up? It's early.” Her comment brought her out of her thoughts and she smiled at the sleepy brunette beside her.

“It’s not that early, it’s,” she said and checked the clock. “6:05.”

“Early,” she groaned and buried her head in Clarke’s neck. She brought her hand more firmly around Clarke’s back and Clarke laughed at her. She could hear Lexa sigh and the second after Lexa’s leg came and wrestled its way in between her own.

“Lexa?“

“Hm?”

“Thank you for keeping your promise.”

Lexa looked up from her hiding spot and smiled at her. She placed a kiss on her jaw before returning to hide in her neck.

“I never break a promise.”

“Good to hear.”

She placed another kiss on her head and brought her own hands around the brunettes body, hugging her just as tightly as Lexa did.

“Clarke?”

“Yeah?”

She was quiet for a moment before answering. “This is nice.”

Clarke smiled and mumbled in her hair. “Yes, it is.”


	10. Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa cuddle, Abby tells Clarke the truth and Abby does something that doesn't have a positive outcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again guys!
> 
> We're halfway there. I an't believe how fast time has flown by. And guys, this has almost TEN THOUSAND hits! When I wrote this, I didn't even think that I would reach above one thousand. Hell I even thought that only like a hundred or so would read it. Thank you so much!! You have no idea of what this means to me, and I can't wait to share the rest of the story with you.
> 
> This chapter is really long, it's nearly 7.7k words and 21 pages. It's 2:30 am here and I've been writing for hours and I'm exhausted (but I love it). So I would appreciate some kind of response to see what you thought about it, because this is a big one, a REALLY big one. You will get so many answers and have so many heart attacks, either if that is from fluff or something else, that's up to you. 
> 
> So leave comments and kudos for me to see, it really makes my day better and I love every one of them! 
> 
> \- fantasycloud :)

They lay that way for another half an hour, just holding each other. She could feel the warmth from the other girl radiate through her whole body and the smile that she had woken up with was still on her face. _If only life could be like this forever_ , she thought and nuzzled her head on top of Lexa’s. Then life would be perfect. But instead of getting to cuddle with the girl that she cared for, she had to worry about a million other things. Such as her mother for example.

She wonders what Abby will say to her when she and Lexa come down for breakfast, because she can only begin to think of what will come out of her mouth. It could all things from insults to accusations and Clarke was not sure if she could bear it. She was still tired from yesterday and having to listen to her mother’s raging might overheat her mind. But she owed it to Lexa. Lexa, who had fought Indra and gotten injured. Lexa who had stayed up with her when she had a nightmare. Lexa who had been the first person that Clarke confided in.

So there was no question about if she would face her, she only wished that she had the power of answering to Abby’s comments without passing out. If her dad was here, then everything would be alright. She clenched her eyes shut and breathed in through her nose. The sadness was like a bullet to the heart, the pain flaring up like a fire.

Yes, if her dad was here, things would probably be normal. Her mother would not have gotten sick. She would not have left. Instead of the sadness that filled her last year it would have been filled with laughter and smiles. But that was not the reality because her mum that she once knew was gone, she went the day that her dad died. She just left Clarke alone, and it was time for her to let go of the hope of her mother ever returning to herself.

But on a positive note, she had gotten to know Lexa. If her dad had not died and of her mum had not gone away, she would never had moved to go to st. Vladimir’s Academy. And she would not trade her for anything in the world. Lexa was one of the best things that had happened to her, ever. With Lexa she felt things that she would not even consider be possible. When she looked at her her mind was instantly hit with words such as _beautiful, adorable, sexy, angel, breathtaking_ and _goddess_. And even those words seemed unfair. She wished that Lexa knew how deeply she felt for her, how her heart stuttered when the moonlight catches her hair and making it glow, how she had to swallow every time she flashed her a smile.

She felt Lexa shift, if possible, closer. One of her hands wandered up her back and nestled in her hair while the other one stayed on her lower back. She pushed her head in closer in Clarke’s neck and mumbled something in her sleep, because of course, she had fallen asleep again. Clarke chuckled quietly at that, how Lexa always seemed so put together and ready to go but really was a true cuddler and sleepy head. So she threaded her arms closer around her body so that they lay flushed together as if they were one person, not two. She smiled and lay her head back on top of the brunette’s and drifted back to the state where the thoughts took over her mind.

Soon the attack period was over and then they would go back to training. Wonder how it will play out now, when all she could think about how Lexa’s lips felt against her own. She smiled at that. How her lips felt against her own. At first, she had been a bit worried that Lexa only kissed her because of the intense feelings she experienced in that moment. The loss and guilt and despair that had seemed to really taken a toll on her could have caused her to do it out of desperation instead of emotion. But she had been proven wrong, many times, even before they had kissed. Even then she showed that she cared.

 

~

 

_She sighed heavily and gave up. She lay her hands on the table and her head down with them and groaned. She hated this subject, advanced calculus was the most boring, non understandable and useless class she had to take. When on earth would she have use to solve an unsolvable math problem?_

_“What’s wrong?” Lexa said with an amused tone. Clarke glanced her way and saw her sitting cross legged on her bed with a book in her lap. She had an expression that matched her tone, her lips were slightly drawn upwards and in her eyes this glimt was, making Clarke groan again._

_“I hate this goddamn class!”_

_“What’s the problem,” she said with a soft tone and stood up, making her way over to Clarke._

_They were three weeks into the semester and today the professor had told them that a maths test would occur on the following friday. And Clarke, who hated math, had instantly felt a pang of every negative feeling in her reach._

_“It’s this whole thing! I don’t understand the point of it.”_

_“Let me see.”_

_She came over and reached her hands to coax the book out from underneath Clarke’s body and Clarke reluctantly lifted her arms and head. But as soon as the book was gone, she lay down again. She heard Lexa chuckle behind her but she could bring herself to care. It is not fair how some people had the ability to learn everything in a second, it was not supposed to happen that way. You were supposed to fight for what you wanted. But of course, for Clarke it was going to be the hard way._

_“Was it the fifth one?”_

_“How could you guess?”_

_“Well you have scribbled down things such as ‘I hate this’, ‘Pls save me’ and ‘I’m gonna kill the teacher’ around it, but it was just a wild guess.”_

_Clarke could hear the laughter in her voice as she said those things, and Clarke could not help but to smile at that. Yes, she had scribbled those things down, but she sweared that she was going to erase it at the end of the year. But only if she had to, it may come as an understanding to the next owner to this book._

_She felt Lexa poke her shoulder and heard her say “So this is how you solve it,” and Clarke sat up. Lexa had crouched down so that she half stood beside her and took the pen out of Clarke’s grip._

_Before she had even begun talking, Clarke knew that she would not understand a thing. It always took a few times for Clarke to finally get it, because when Lexa got excited, she would use very advanced words. Words that Clarke did not even know existed. But she liked that about her, that she could get so caught up in her passion. What she also liked about her was that even though that she was in the middle of reading a book she came to help Clarke. Clarke could swear that Lexa would stop almost anything she was doing just to help her, and that warmed her heart to a level where it felt as if it were burning. It was nice, having someone who really cared, for once._

 

_~_

 

She smiled about that memory, that and the many others just like that one. It had been pure, still is.

“Clarke?”

“The sleepyhead finally decided to wake up,” she said with a smile. Lexa shifted a little in her arms so that their foreheads came together.

“I am not a sleepyhead, Clarke, I was merely tired. Now what time is it?”

Clarke chuckled at that. “Sure Lex, you’re not a sleepyhead. 7:03.”

“That means we are going to have to go up.” She could hear her groan and Clarke laughed again. “Not a sleepyhead, huh?”

Lexa shot her a glare and punched her lightly on the arm. She then heard her sigh and felt how she slowly worked on getting up. But it did end with her falling down back on Clarke, her leg caught in between Clarke’s and the sheets. When Lexa landed on top of her with a “ompf”, Clarke burst into laughter. She laughed so hard that tears ran. At first, Lexa had been pretending to have gotten offended, but she had ended up laughing to. But it was not until after that that they realized their position. And it was as if that made that one on the same time, because they both stilled. An intensity filled in Lexa’s eyes and she could only stare up in them.

Lexa’s lips was on hers the second after, starting out soft. But as Clarke’s hands moved up on her back, it was if that motion turned her movements faster, like turning on the volume. Her hands found her lower hands and gasped when she instead felt Lexa’s skin. Her shirt had apparently ridden up in the falling process and Clarke’s hands was now on her bare skin. She felt Lexa shudder under her touch, but that only spurred her on. She bit down playfully on Clarke’s lower lip that brought a moan from the blonde.

It felt as if she was on fire and she was kissing Lexa as if she intended to steal air from her, because at some point that actually seemed appealing. Lexa’s hands was on her waist, squeezing it tight. They broke apart with only an inch or two, just breathing heavy.

“Sorry,” Lexa chuckled low as she attempted to stand again.

“You don’t ever have to be sorry for kissing me like that,” she said breathlessly and stood up herself. She looked over at Lexa and really drank in the sight of her. Her hair was slightly frizzy, her skin was a little flushed and before she had gotten into bed last night she had changed into a large t-shirt and sweatpants. Clarke realized, with a start, that the t-shirt that Lexa was wearing was the one that she had wore on her first night here. The big oversized one with the text that read “The Ark” on. The smile that followed reached her eyes. Lexa had her t-shirt on.

She sneaked another kiss from the brunette before stripping out of her clothes. Well aware of Lexa’s stare, she walked over to the drawer and slowly picked out clothes, making sure to frustrate the girl to max. She grinned at the little noise that she heard but chose to ignore it. She had not realized how much fun  teasing could be, and when she heard the reaction she pulled from Lexa, she would do it more often.

She put on her jeans first and then her shirt and when she turned around she was not surprised to see that Lexa had not moved. She tilted her head innocently to the side and watched how Lexa drew in a deep breath through her nose.

“What?”

“You… Nevermind.”

Clarke chuckled at that, knowing exactly what was going on, but chose to ignore that as well. She knew exactly what she was doing. But she only did was Lexa was doing to her whenever she saw her fight. Well, maybe not yesterday’s fight, but any fight in training. She had to try and focus when all she really wanted to do was to rip her clothes off and kiss her in every possible way. This teasing was only fair.

When they had their clothes on the time was 7:20, they had plenty of time to walk there slowly and not having to stress, so that was exactly what they were doing. They walked hand in hand down to the cafeteria, sharing each others warmth at the same time. It was freezing outside, as if it had gone from summer directly to winter. The grass lay frosty on the ground and it crunched under their feet as the walked over it. Clarke had a beanie tucked over her ears and curls that Lexa had found adorable for some reason. She said she looked like a goofball. But Clarke had only laughed and said that she looked like that only because she was a goofball. Lexa had joined her in her laughter and nodded her head, kissing her on top of the hat and started to walk.

“Lexa, I don’t want to ruin the moment, but my mother…”

“We will deal with her Clarke, and besides, I won so she has no say in it. Everybody saw.”

“I know, but she, along with everyone else, know about us now. She might say some things.”

She felt a gentle squeeze from Lexa’s hand before she heard her answer. “We will deal with it together.”

They entered the cafeteria, hands still locked with each other, and made the usual way over towards the line. Clarke rested her head on Lexa’s collarbone and brought a hand around her waist.

“Let the games begin,” she mumbled and smiled when she heard Lexa chuckle. They received their food and drinks and walked over to their friends table. She did not know exactly what they were going to tell them, they had not discussed it at all. But when she looked at Lexa, who her eyes sparkled and for once was not filled with the heavy sadness, she did not worry. They only had to share one look for her to know that they were more than just two people fooling around. Lexa was her’s, and she was Lexa’s. So when they sat down with their hands still intertwined, it was only normal.

“So… How long have you…?” Monty said, actually surprising Clarke. She had thought that it was O or Maya who was going to grill them first.

“We-”

“They only kissed, like, the day before yesterday, so,” Anya said, making Clarke speechless. How did she know? Her answer came a second later.

“Anya!” Lexa hissed and punched her not so lightly on her arm. But Anya only laughed and punched back just as hard.

“You’re fault sister, you didn’t tell us.”

Lexa looked worriedly over to Clarke but she only laughed. She leaned in and kissed her cheek, making her blush. She then leaned her back to Lexa’s front and said with her head in a position so that she was looking straight in her eyes.

“You’re cute when you’re flustered. And you’re adorable because you told Anya.”

“First, I am not either of those things,” she muttered, but then became serious. “You really do not care that I told Anya before I talked to you about it?” Clarke could hear the worry in her voice but she only shook her head.

“No, Lexa, of course I care, but this is the same as with my clothes. It’s because of what you did it. _You_ cared. You cared enough for Anya to let her know, and again, I could never be mad at that.”

“Um excuse me,” Octavia said, clearly having found her voice again. “What ‘clothes’ incident?”

“Oh that was nothing, Lexa only unpacked my clothes, but she was, again, being adorable and unsure that I would’ve been mad at her. _Which I’m not_ ,” she added and kissed her cheek again, but leaned back into her chest after that. But when Lexa put her arms around Clarke’s torso and kissed her head, that was too much for their friends. Jasper fake-gagged and Monty awkwardly looked away while Octavia said, a little too loudly in Clarke’s liking, to get a room. Clarke’s cheeks started to burn but Lexa only laughed.

“Who is being cute and flustered now, huh?” she said playfully in her ear and bit down loosely on her ear. Clarke gasped but Lexa only laughed again and squeezed her arms around her.

“Okay, you guys, we’ll leave you here to do whatever… Just come to class, okay?” Maya said and went away, making everyone laugh. Echo, who was Maya’s dhampir, had to run after her which only made everyone laugh harder.

“Well, I gotta go and find Maya, see you,” Jasper said, and with him followed both Anya, Monty and Hector, who was his.

“O, where is Bell?”

“He’s in his room with

Then only Octavia and Lincoln was left and it was not until then that Clarke noticed something. Octavia and Lincoln sat too close.

“Wait, Octavia,” she said and felt the smirk creep up on her face. “When did that happen?”

“When did what happen?” she asked innocently but took Lincoln’s hand and started to walk out. Clarke laughed at that and whistled after them. How could she have missed that? She felt Lexa’s hair fall over her’s and then the obvious answer came to mind.

“You distract me, you know that?”

“Just as you distract me. Come on.”

They stood up and walked out of the cafeteria hand in hand, both unaware of the dark figure that stood and watched them from afar.

* * *

Clarke was in her spirit using class, currently making objects grow. She held her hand over the small green plant on her desk and closed her eyes. She imagined it growing, seeing how the leaves developed and how the stem grew taller. She imagined its roots curling beneath the surface of the soil and saw how the green color only became greener. Just like that she felt how the plant started to grow, she felt her hands heating up under her touch and opened her eyes.

From being a plant as small as her thumb, a plant as big as her arm stood before her and its branches sunk of the weight of the big leaves. She smirked and looked over at Lexa who watched her with a proud smile and winked at her before turning her attention on the teacher that came up to her.

“Excellent work miss Griffin, as usual.”

“Thank you, mr Jackson.”

“Clarke.”

She heard her name being called and saw how headmaster Jaha was standing in the door.

“Can you come with me please?”

Clarke threw a questioning glance at Lexa, but she only shrugged her shoulders and made her way over to them.

“No, miss Woods. I want to talk to Clarke alone.”

“But, sir-”

“No. Clarke, can you follow me please?”

Clarke did the only thing she could: nod. She looked at Lexa again and shot her an encouraging smile and tried to ignore that the only emotion that was being displayed on her face was worry. She made her way out of the classroom and followed Jaha down to his office. And of course in there sat none other then her mother.

“What am I doing here and why wasn’t Lexa allowed to come?”

But Abby only smirked and pointed at the chair next to her.

“You are here because I heard that an incompetent teacher let the actions that followed your birth out her mouth. And don’t worry about her dear, she has been taken care of.”

“Taken care of?” she whispered and looked horrified at her mother.

“And Lexa isn’t here, because she’s about to get _very_ busy.”

At that Clarke felt like someone had punched her. She felt the hard impact it had on her stomach and it felt like all air left her. She tried sucking in a hard gasp, but the icecold hand that seemed to press on her lungs and heart prevented that.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I just mean that she will be proving just how skilled she is in a real combat, but let’s not focus on that dhampir now. I was about to tell you about the revolt.”

“I. Don’t. Care.” Clarke raised from her chair and made an attempt of getting up, but she felt strong hands on her shoulders that pushed her down. She turned her head upwards and saw a face that she did not recognize. She muttered something under her breath before pressing up with every amount of strength that she could muster, but he still did not budge.

“Let the hell go of me!”

“No, Clarke. You’re staying right here, you’re not allowed to go back to that girl. Not today, not ever.”

“Like you can stop us-”

But suddenly it felt like the air left her lungs, much like that time where Murphy had tortured her, and it left her gasping for it. She noticed in horror how it her mother’s hand was up in the air and pointed towards her. Her own mother, of all people.

“Clarke, I take no joy in this. But I must do this to protect you. I still am your mother.”

“Abby,stop,” Jaha pleaded and watched in horror how Clarke started to shake. After that she first felt a pressing pain erupt in her head before the pressure was gone and she could breathe again. She stumbled forward in her chair and gasped for air.

“Don’t ever tell me what to do.”

She lifted her look and tried focusing on what was happening before her eyes. The image was blurry, but she only needed one blurry example of it. She watched how Jaha’s hands were at his throat and saw how his eyes stood out. Her mother stood bent over him with a deadly looking expression on her face and her hand was just an inch away from his throat in a tight clenched fist. But before she could even process what just had happen, her own hand moved and closed in an equally tight fist, but this time it was her mother who was gasping for breath.

She was blinded by hate and anger and desperation, she did not care what she was doing. She only held her grip just as tightly the whole time and looked into her mother’s face. She watched how her hands moved to her throat and saw the surprised look in her mother’s face. She heard how she tried to take in air, but clearly failing. But just as she was about to talk, the door burst open with a loud breaking sound. That was enough sound for Clarke to lose her concentration and released her grip on her mother to look behind her.

There stood Lexa, looking as angry as Clarke was feeling. Her chest was heaving heavily as if she had been sprinting here and her hands were closed into fists.

“I am sorry to interrupt but Lance? We need you.”

Her voice was dead serious and it was like she was not seeing what was in front of her. But at her words Clarke’s blood froze, because Clarke remembered what her mother had told her earlier, and that mixed with this version of Lexa, it was not good.

“How bad is it?” The dhampir answered whose name apparently was Lance.

“Strigoi has entered campus grounds, when I left to find as many guards as possible the casualties were minimal.”

He only nodded and they both stormed out of the room. Clarke’s eyes followed them until she could not see them anymore before turning to her mother. She pinned her with a stare and felt the anger creep back, but now it was under control.

“You brought in strigoi? What the hell is wrong with you? You can’t just kill everybody you don’t like!”

“Yes I can,” it came from her mouth. “I’m a queen and my words are law.”

“Not after this. When the people have heard what you have done, they will revolt. And speaking of revolting, you have some serious explaining to do and we will not be leaving before I get those answers,” she said let the demanding tone and the threatening tone in her voice take over. “So start talking.”

She was done playing games with her. She had tried playing them nice for a year and that only resulted in her hurting herself and getting hurt. She was done with it. From this day forward she would not take any more shit from her mother. From now on, Clarke would speak up. She would dare to say no. She was not letting her treat her like this, because it was not okay for her to being violent to her in any way, there was laws for that in the human world.

“Where should I start?” Abby said, and Clarke saw that she cowered a little in her chair. There was guards outside the door, maybe not as many as before Lexa had come, but at least two was out there now. Abby knew that if she screamed, they would come. But Clarke had still frightened her, and while that should be terrible, it was actually good. Because it meant that she would get answers. Real answers to, not just fake ones.

“When it all begun.”

“Okay. But this might take a while.”

“I don’t have anywhere else to be.”

“Fine,” her mother sighed but straightened her back and her eyes was set on some invisible object in the room, clearly far away from here.

“It all began when I announced that your last name would be ‘Griffin’.”

~

_“Jake, I think we should do it tonight. Announce her name I mean.”_

_Jake’s eyebrows knitted together a little and he looked down on his daughter that was sleeping soundly in his arms._

_“Abby, she’s only one week old. Should we not wait? Giving her this name will change her life. This name isn’t just power, it’s danger. How many people will try to hurt her within her first year?”_

_Abby crossed the room and draped her arms around her husband. She stood close, so close that she felt her daughter’s body press into hers. One of her hands remained around his torso while the other one moved down to stroke her daughter’s face. It was incredible how they had been able to create such a beautiful creature. She would never tire of holding her, or even just looking at her. She could not wait for her to take her first steps, to say her first words. Her first smile. She felt one of her own started to creep up on her face as she stared down on the sleeping bundle._

_“We will protect her,” she mumbled against his chest. “I won’t let anyone hurt her.”_

_“Neither will I,” her father said._

_Suddenly she was not sleeping anymore. She opened her deep blue eyes, eyes like the color of the ocean, and stared up at her parents. Her eyes bore into Abby’s, as if the newborn could sense the lies in her words. But neither of the two around her knew that, so they just smiled, unknowingly._

_“Hello, Clarke Dragomir.”_

~

****  
  


“Wait, hold up. Clarke _Dragomir_? That is **not** my name.”

“I’m well aware of that, Clarke,” her mother said. “Shall I continue?”

“Yes,” Clarke muttered, cursing herself for interrupting.

“As I was saying,” she continued.

~

_“There you are Abby,” she heard her mother say behind her. Abby sighed but turned around and looked into her mother’s cold blue eyes. In her arms was Clarke, she was being held against her shoulder and she was absorbing the world quietly. Her mother eyed the baby in her arms with tight lips, no intention of accepting that it was her grandchild. At that look Abby’s own lips went into a straight line and her hand that was around Clarke’s body hardened its grip._

_“The ceremony is about to start.”_

_She left with a nod and Abby could not help but to wonder. What would show her parents that they didn’t own her? What would show them that she was not their lapdog? Clarke moved then, her hand came up to rest on her chest and her head lay down on her shoulder. Suddenly Abby got an idea. She looked at the most innocent creature on earth and lowered her mouth to kiss her head._

_“Sorry,” she whispered._

_Ten minutes later when Jake was about to announce the name of their daughter, Abby took over and before he could stop her, she said it out loud._

_“Her name is Clarke Griffin.”_

~

Abby looked straight into Clarke’s eyes when she was talking, not wavering once. But Clarke did, many times. She hated how Abby talked about her time as a baby without showing any kind of emotion. Or talking about dad, only his name brought tears to her eyes. But she hang onto every word her mother said, not bothering to care about Jaha that still was sitting uncomfortably in his chair but too frightened to move anywhere else.

~

_“Abby how could you do that?” Jake said once they were alone in their home. They had put Clarke to sleep but after that was done nothing stood in the way of Jake’s anger. He threw his fist in the wall and turned around to face Abby who stood in the middle of the room._

_“I’m sorry,” she began, but Jake only shook his head and pointed his index finger at her._

_“No, I don’t want to hear ‘I’m sorry’ lines. I want an explanation.”_

_“Fine,” she said and threw up her hands. “I changed her name to piss of my parents, okay?”_

_After her sentence the room got dead quiet. Jake had paused in mid movement and stared at her like she was an alien and not the woman he loved._

_“You changed our daughter’s name… Because you wanted to piss of your parents?”_

_Abby bit her lip but nodded. “Listen, I didn’t mean it like that. I wanted to show them that they didn’t own me. Lately they have nothing but judged me and criticized me and I’m tired of it. I wanted to show tham that I could make a decision by myself.”_

_“And you chose to use our daughter as your final moment of defiance? Do you have any idea of how ridiculous that sounds? And do you know how I feel? We had agreed on that name, Abby, you can’t just decide something so major without telling me. It’s the name of our daughter for god's sake.”_

_“I know I just… I screwed up, okay?”_

_“Can’t argue with you on that.”_

_“Can you forgive me?”_

_Jake stared at her for a long moment before answering. “Yes. But you have lost my trust.”_

~

_“Jake, people are getting wilder and wilder. My mother have put so many away that soon there won’t be anywhere for the real criminals to go. They’re standing outside the gates right now.”_

_Clarke was now six months old and was laying on the carpet beneath the table with one of her stuffed animals. Jake sat on the floor and had an eye on her and his shoulders visibly shrunk at Abby’s statement. It had been like this since they had announced Clarke’s name, because after that came the new lay that only applied to Clarke. The queen had created a loophole to still keep Clarke royal, so now she was half royal and the whole moroi and dhampir community was in protest._

_“Abby, we’ve talked about this. This will go down eventually. And, I don’t want to point out the obvious, but you kind of brought this on us.”_

_“So all of this is my fault?”_

_“Not all of it, but a part of it. If Clarke had gotten your last name none of this would have happened because your mother didn’t had to create a new law only for Clarke.”_

_“But why would they care?”_

_“Abby, you aren’t serious?” Jake said with a surprised tone. But when Abby only looked at him with a question mark written in her face Jake growled in frustration. “Abby, people get arrested everyday. For example, my friend got arrested for stealing medicine. And another friend for stealing food. Do you realize how unfair that is?”_

_“Jake, I-”_

_“No. Just, I need to be alone,” he said and walked out of the room._

__

~

“You really had no idea?”

“No, but Clarke, I had grown up in the royal court. I had hardly ever been outside its gate before me eighteenth birthday. How could I have known?”

“Common sense I guess? Didn’t you ever have history?”

“Yes, but my parents had banished some books, just as I have with you.”

“Wait, what?”

“Clarke, do you want to hear the rest of what happened?”

She only clenched her jaw, but nodded stiffly.

~

_They were sitting in their kitchen. Jake stood up and cooked while Abby sat on a chair and held Clarke. They both had been talking to each other lately, much more than they had the previous months, and that made Abby have hope that they could still be happy._

_“Abby?”_

_“Hm?”_

_“I heard about your friend. I’m sorry,” he said quietly and Abby froze. Her friend, Callie, had been killed by the mob when she was away on the holidays. Abby had known it for a while, but not dared saying it because of the possibility of another fight._

_“Yeah I… I still can’t believe that she’s gone,” she sighed and held Clarke tightly. On her head bright yellow locks now existed and Abby had a tendency to play with it when she noticed that her daughter liked it. That was what she was doing now with one of her hands, she looked down on how the moonlight  caught it’s golden color and used that as an excuse to not meet his gaze._

_“Abby, I’m sorry. This wasn’t your fault.”_

_She looked up. That was not what she had expected. He was sorry?_

_“At first, I wanted to blame you. But seeing how you suffer… It wasn’t fair of me, and I’m sorry. I know that you didn’t do this on purpose.”_

_Abby sat Clarke down on the floor and crossed over it and folded her arms tightly around his body. She sighed in content as she felt the warmth of his body radiate through her own and how his arms came up around her back._

_“And I do trust you,” he said in her hair. She looked up in his eyes and saw how they were shining of unshed tears. She brought her hands up and placed them on his cheeks._

_“I love y-”_

_But her sentence was interrupted by an ear shattering sound and the sound of Clarke’s screams. They quickly scanned the room and found that one of their windows had been smashed in and Clarke was in the middle of all the broken pieces. Abby watched in horror how she saw blood coming out from a gash in her arm and she instantly ran over and scooped up her daughter from the floor. Clarke wailed loudly and tears was streaming down her face._

_“Ssh baby, it’s okay,” Abby said with a trembling voice. She looked up at Jake who hovered over them and looked out the window where the mass of people had broken through the gates._

_“We need to hide. Come, we’ll take the secret passage.”_

_She nodded and ran with him through their part of the castle and kicked open the secret door. It was pitch black in there, but Jake lightened a torch and motioned for them to get in._

_“Where are we going?”_

_“To Europe, that’s where we’re going. We need to get Clarke away from this, at least until things have died down.”_

_Abby only nodded and started to sprint towards where they kept their cars that would take them to the airport._

__

~

“So I was born here? I thought you meant the one in England?”

“No, Clarke, you spent your first nine months here. We didn’t come back though, once things had died down.”

“Why?”

“Let me just finish the story.”

~

_It was four years later and Clarke soon turned five. She ran around in the garden and chased after a butterfly, still a bit wobbly on her legs, but she had not fallen yet so her parents sat and sipped on their coffee and talked quietly. They had never once brought up their time in the united states to Clarke, her wound had healed quickly and she was left with no memory of it at all and they had decided to keep it that way. They had been happy here, they had left their past behind them._

_The revolt had ended over two years ago after all of the horrible events that happened in those years. Many had lost their lives, too many to count. But the mob finally had drawn back when the queen had agreed to release all of the prisoners that was not worthy of such a fate, and that was basically all of them at the time. She made another new law that said that Clarke never could be an elected queen from the royals, she could only ever be voted queen from the people, which the crowd actually had applauded at._

_But they still did not go back. The fear of Clarke getting hurt again had kept both Abby and Jake awake at night many times, and that’s when they promised to never take Clarke back there._

_“Hello,” they heard Clarke’s voice say. They both turned their heads towards the direction of the sound and they saw her talking to a boy. He was about Clarke’s age, his skin tanned and his hair black. He wore a dark blue jacket and dark jeans. He also wore a smile on his face._

_“Hello, who are you?”_

_“I’m Clarke.”_

_“I’m Wells,” he said and stretched out his hand. They smiled at each other when she took it. Then she smiled and dragged him with her, laughing as she screamed “Keep up!”_

~

“Wait,” Clarke said and her head almost hurt. “Wells… As in Wells Jaha? You son?” she said and turned to Jaha. He nodded slightly and turned his gaze on Abby. His expression was unreadable, but for a moment, just one tiny moment, she thought she saw a flash of hurt in his eyes.

“Yes, as in Wells.”

Clarke only stared at her mother and motioned for her to continue.

~

_She grew up fast. Her fifth year seemed to fly by and she spent every second of it with Wells. They had become best friends, and they had sleepovers almost every day. Now Clarke’s fourteenth birthday was coming up and she had prepared the best slumber party every. And she had not any other friends in school, so she just invited Wells. But on that party, he told her something that broke her heart._

_“Clarke, I’m moving.”_

_“No, it’s my turn silly,” she said and moved her chess piece forward._

_“No, I mean moving, like moving away. My dad have got a job in USA.”_

_They were quiet for a moment before Clarke spoke._

_“How long?”_

_“Forever,” he said with a sigh._

_“When?”_

_“This weekend.”_

_“Can I come?”_

_Her question made him look up. That he was not expecting._

_“What?”_

_“Can I come?”_

_“Well, absolutely if it was me deciding. But it isn’t so,” he said sadly._

_“I can ask my parents, we can move too!”_

_“Really?”_

_“Yeah! Wait here,” she said and dashed out of the room._

_Wells sat in the position on the floor until his legs hurt, but he did not move. He concentrated on what they were saying._

_“No.”_

_“But. MOM! Dad, come on!”_

_“No, Clarke and that is final.”_

_“UGH!”_

_He heard her stomping up the stair and when she entered her room, it looked like she was about to cry._

_“Worst birthday ever.”_

__

~

_“Jake, this is for the best.”_

_“I know, I just… This method doesn’t feel right.”_

_“I know that, but how else will we protect her?”_

_He sighed and put his hands behind his neck. They had once swore that they would never go back, but this seemed drastic. Erasing every memory of Wells from Clarke’s mind was beyond cruel. And only because the chance of her maybe following him when she was older. And that would probably never happen, seeing as they were both only just fourteen. He let out a breath, but nodded. Jaha had already agreed to them taking away Wells’s memories with a promise that Clarke stayed right where she were and not came after them to the USA. Then the sacrifice of their childhood memories would be a waste._

_“Then let’s do it then. Come on,” Abby said and stretched out her hand. “Together.”_

_“Together,” Jake repeated and kissed her on the cheek. She smiled at him and took his hand and together they started walking up to their daughter’s room._

__

~

“So that’s why I don’t remember him,” Clarke said quietly. “You made me forget he ever existed just because I wouldn’t move back here, but can I just say that it would’ve been extremely safe for me? If I were to stay at the school I would be well protected for example.”

“Yes but Clarke, we swore. And we had a hard time letting go of the images of the country that we left behind.”

“Still, you didn’t have to take away my memories! Do you know how wrong that is?”

“Yes. I do now. But there’s nothing that I can do about it now.”

“Can you reverse it?” Clarke said and looked hopefully at her mother. But she sighed.

“No, that I cannot. But now when you know, some things might come back.”

She nodded and suddenly she realized that she had gotten the whole story. She had gotten more that she had asked for. Her tear had begun running at some point, she did not know when exactly. But her mother’s eyes remained unglossy.

She stood up, not exactly sure of what to do with herself. She threw back her head and pulled at her hair. She breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth. But the room was too much. It was too red, it contained too much people and it was too much tension. She bolted through the doors and ran past the dhampirs who just looked bewildered at her performance.

She raced outside but stopped dead in her tracks. Around her lay bodies.

It felt like her heart stopped. It was blood everywhere. It looked like a scene taken from a horror movie. Her breathing had also stopped, she thought that if she breathed in _this air_ , she would be sick. And she felt like being sick just by looking at this. She tried not to look, but it was impossible. She saw body upon body and she knew half of them.

Half of them being moroi and half of them strigoi. The ones that her mother had sent in.

But seeing one, just one, of the many bodies made her heart race again and she snapped her out of her frozen state and that someone was someone she never thought would ever go down.

Anya.

She lay on the grass a few meters away, her shirt soaked in blood from a wound in her abdomen.

“Anya!” she screamed and her legs moved before her mind said so. And then the volume was turned on max. All around her she heard screams and cries and sobs. It was like stepping into a warzone instead of a school yard. She reached Anya’s body and watched in horror how she was unmoving. She bent down and half screamed and half cried her name.

“Anya, Anya no! Come **on** stay with me! **Anya**!”

But it was hopeless. She was dead.

She had laughed with her just hours before. She had teased her and Lexa. She had joked with her friends. She had been the one that Clarke seeked comfort in when Lexa had her fight. She had become her friend.

And now she was dead.

A hard sob wrecked her body and send her falling forward on her knees. Her hands was soaked in Anya’s blood and her face was soaked in her tears.

She felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Lexa. The look on her face… It only broke her more. Lexa’s face showed tiredness, sadness, anger, exhaustion and brokenness. She looked down on the person that she had thought of as her sister and she saw how a single drop of a tear rolled down her cheek. Lexa clenched her hands into fists and closed her eyes in the process. She inhaled and exhaled deeply before opening her eyes again. She knelt down beside Clarke and bent over Anya’s dead body to close her eyes. At that, Clarke’s heart broke. She could feel her hands starting to shake and her vision only got more blurry.

Lexa stood up and brought Clarke up with her, holding her tight. Clarke sobbed in her chest and felt more tears fall into her shoulder.

“Clarke.” She was too tired to speak but Lexa’s voice sounded different. It sounded hesitant and filled with regret and sadness and Clarke got the feeling that she would not want to hear this.

“Should we go back?”

“Clarke.”

“Where is O?”

“Clarke.”

“Do you know where she is?”

“ _Clarke_ ,” Lexa said and her voice broke. Clarke could feel her own heartbeat rise and she took a step back to watch Lexa. She had her eyes clenched shut and she tilted her head upwards, much like the position Clarke was in up at Jaha’s office.

“Anya is not the only one who died.”

At that she stopped. She knew something like this was coming, but she did not know what to do. She could only look at her, hold on to something alive. But at Lexa’s next words, even that was not enough. At Lexa’s next words, something within her died along with the names.

“Clarke, Maya and Wells are dead too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think?


	11. Trigger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They deal with the aftermath of the attack and they come to a conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody! Sorry for the delay, real life happened. 
> 
> This may be a little shorter, but I hope that it is just as satisfying as the rest of them. Thanks for all the comments on the last one, all of the reactions was fun to read and I hope I get the pleasure to do that again for this :)
> 
> Enjoy - fantasycloud :)

At first, she felt like nothing. An empty shell, drained of every possible emotion. But at the same time, she felt this aching hole inside of her, like if it was threatening to swallow her whole. It was as if someone had put a bubble around her head, making every noise muffled. It was as if her brain had shut off, unable to process anything. The only thing that kept her grounded now was two things.

The first one was the aching pain in her chest. It refused to go away and it just stayed there, a strong reminder of the actions that took place today. A strong reminder of all the friends that she had lost. It felt like the pain in her chest would eat her from inside, it never slowed and it never stopped. It was just always _there_. In her mind, images of the ones that she had known that was now dead flashed by.

She saw Anya’s face. She was laughing at something, Clarke did not remember what. She only remembered how she smiled at the sound, because Anya almost never laughed.

She saw Maya’s figure, she lay with her head on Jasper’s lap, smiling up at him. Then Jasper started laughing, and Maya followed soon after. The sight of the two of them had warmed her heart, making her sigh and smile.

She saw Wells. He played chess with Lexa, for once, his facial expression concentrated. Both Clarke and Wells had been trying to get her to play for weeks, and she had reluctantly agreed one lazy saturday afternoon.

Wells. The friend that she never knew she had until his death. The friend that she will never regain. The friend that had died unknowing.

The second reason was Lexa. She was at her side the whole time. From the point where she had collapsed into those strong arms of hers, just in need of another _living_ being, to the point where they both stood stiffly at each other's sides, not knowing what to do.

But at the same time, it was as if reality had not hit, not yet. Clarke had caught herself several times that she would hear Maya’s laugh coming from around the corner with her hand linked with Jasper’s, Wells, Anya and Echo following close behind. But when she realized that that would never happen again, the pain seemed to double and a lumb big as a closed fist formed in her throat.

She had not seen either Jasper nor Echo yet. She and Lexa had lost themselves in the sea of moving bodies, hoping to go by unannounced. But, of course, that had been unavoidable. The stares that followed them around, the pointing and whispering around them. If she had not been with her mother, if she had been here, the looks that were thrown her way could almost have her believing that she was responsible.

But, of course, she was that too.

When that crossed her mind, the weight she felt on her shoulders increased tenfold. She would walk carefully around the bodies, thinking to herself “ _I killed you, and you, and you…_ ”. With everybody the guilt and pain increased and after only a couple of meters she had to stop and close her eyes. How could she do this? Looking down on all of the faces that she had seen around school, some she had known and some she had just spoken with once or twice and knowing that they had paid for her mistakes…

Because if it was not because of her mother’s idea of needing to test Lexa this never would have happened. If she had not forced Lexa to win that stupid fight. If she never would of exposed their relationship in front of everyone like that. There were many if’s, and everyone led to the same conclusion.

_Your fault._

Under this whole time Lexa had not said a word. Not since her last sentence. Her lips had been set in a thin line and her eyes had been dead of any emotion. She realized that she herself must look exactly the same, dead. It was a long time since she had felt this way, and Clarke remembered the long process it would take to let go of. But those thoughts only brought up ghosts from her past which made a lump form in her throat that she quickly swallowed down. She did not need that right now, the current pain and guilt she felt was enough.

They stood at the side of the war zone. She and Lexa stood side by side, just looking ahead. Clarke did not know what to do with herself anymore, she was tired of feeling this way. Feeling _empty_ and _sad_ and she was tired of feeling _guilty_. She was just tired. Tired of it all. Tired of her mother who was at the same time not her mother. Tired of all the stares, tired of her past. Tired of feeling the loss of dead people, people too young and too good to be dead. Just tired of life in general. The only reason she was still here was the person beside her.

Lexa.

Lexa had made her feel something other than pain. Lexa had dulled the aching hole in her chest. Lexa had made her feel like she belonged. But after this, even that would be damaged. It would take a long time for them to smile again, if even that. What if Lexa decided that she wanted nothing to do with her? What if she would resent her? Clarke would not blame her though, she resented herself.

She must have made a sound at her thoughts, because the next second she felt Lexa’s hands grip at her sides. She tore her gaze away from the spot she had been staring at for the past thirty minutes and looked at her. Lexa’s eyes was filled with worry and fear. She held onto Clarke with a desperate grip, afraid of her vanishing.

But suddenly, Clarke felt angry. She felt her eyes flash and she pushed Lexa’s hands away.

“Stop that!”

Lexa looked confused. “Clarke?”

“Stop pretending! Stop accepting me, just _stop_! Stop making me feel like you actually care, stop-”

“No Clarke, now _you_ stop! What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about this,” she said and waving in front of her. “You. You just saw what happened because of me, and you’re _still here_! I-”

“Woah, woah, Clarke. Slow down. Because of you? Do you really think that a couple of strigoi attacking was _your_ fault? Clarke no, do not _ever_ think _or_ say that again. This,” she said and shook my shoulders roughly, “was not your fault. This,” she said and pointed to the scene behind us,” is the aftermath of an terrible accident.”

“No,” was all she managed to get out before collapsing into Lexa’s arms. When her body fell against Lexa’s, she felt her arms come around her body and holding her close.

“What do you mean?” she asked softly in her hair when she recognized the change in her, turning from anger to desperation.

“If I hadn’t… If I didn’t do-,” but the sentences float together and they made no sense at all.

“Clarke, breathe. What do you mean?”

Her voice was calm, her hands on Clarke’s back made soothing motions, encouraging her to take long deep breaths. Clarke managed a few before a sob broke through and made them shudder. They stayed that way until her breaths was even.

“My mother,” she said, the word muffled in Lexa’s shirt. Just saying it made her start shaking again and she felt fresh tears escape. “Because of me-” She took a deep breath and tried continuing. “Because of me, she initiated the attack.”

She felt Lexa freeze and she just closed her eyes, waiting for it to come. Her explosion, hands that would push her away from her as long as possible. She expected to be yelled at, but as the time passed, nothing came. The only thing that _did_ happen was her embrace. It’s tightness had tripled, she could feel her fingertips dig into her back.

“Clarke, this is _not_ your fault. Only your mother’s.”

Her tone was ice cold and it shook violently. Clarke would bet almost anything that right now a war went on within her. One side said “ _Stay put!”_ and the other one said “ _End her!”_. But she was not so sure which part was winning.

“Yes it is.”

“And what is it that you have done that have made you feel so guilty?”

“If I hadn’t exposed this, exposed _us_ , my mother wouldn’t want some kind of revenge. If I hadn’t pushed you into winning that stupid fight my mother set up with Indra, she would’ve never wanted to prove her power. Don’t you see?”

“Clarke, no. Can you just listen for a minute?” At this point, Clarke had started raising her voice and started panicking so Lexa had put her hand over her mouth. Clarke glared at her but kept her mouth shut. “This is not your fault. Your mother could have acted a million different ways. This was _her_ decision and _not_ yours. _She_ chose this. _Please_ do not blame yourself.”

But then something unexpected happened. Lexa punched her on the arm.

“Ow! What the hell?”

“Yeah, Clarke! What the hell! Do you really think that I am _pretending_? Do you really think that low of me?”

At this Clarke felt a redness creeping up her face. She started to look down at her feet but Lexa’s hand came up under her chin and forced them up on her. In her face she saw every emotion and she swallowed. She was hurt, and she had every right to be.

“No, of course not-”

“But why would you say that then?”

“Because…” Clarke started, but stopped. She had to explain this the right way, or else Lexa would be even more hurt. but Lexa started looking at her with these pleading eyes and Clarke felt herself give up. “Look, I didn’t mean it. I have never been very good with words, especially when I’m angry or scared. And in the last year, nobody cared. Not my mum, not any of my former friends. That’s why I said it. I’m not used to this, I keep thinking that you will at some point laugh at me or walk out on me, because that’s how the last year have been. But I didn’t mean it, Lexa I’m sor-”

But she did not get to finish. Because the next second Lexa’s lips was on hers and her hands was in her hair and around her back. She was kissing her with all she could muster, it was filled with passion and convincement and so much more and Clarke could not help but to whimper into it. She let her hands rest on her stomach and kissed her back just as hard, but her touches just beg for an apology.

Lexa was the one who broke the kiss. She let her forehead rest against Clarke’s own and took deep breaths. Her hands was still on her body, but instead of the stronghold she had before, it had turned delicate and careful, like she would break Clarke if she held on any stronger.

“Please Lexa, forgive me, I didn’t mean it.”

“Clarke,” she sighed and kissed her forehead. “You do not need to apologize for being afraid. But you thought very foolishly. I would never do anything that was untrue against you. And I know you did not mean it.” She kissed me gently but lowered us both down on a bench that stood a little behind us.

“Clarke, what did your mother tell you exactly?”

She posed the question very carefully, but she could hear the need of answers in her voice. She did not blame her, Clarke herself would do almost anything if someone new the answer of a massacre of her loved ones.

“She told me a lot of things,” she started and swallowed, allowing herself to sink back into that memory. It felt like it took place days ago, not only an hour. “She arranged this fight to show everyone that she was more powerful than you, to show you your place really. She didn’t care about the consequences, she only cared about being the best.” She swallowed again and drew in a breath through her nose. “Then she told me about Wells.” She felt her voice started shaking, but she clenched her eyes shut and forced the words out.

“She… She told me about how we used to be best friends. My only friend. But when they was about to move to the US, my mum thought it would be best if she erased every memory we had of each other. Only to prevent me from going here. And look where I am now.” She put her head in her hands and rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder.

“I never get the chance of knowing him again Lexa,” she sobbed into her shoulder. “I never get to tell him. He didn’t deserve this, nobody did.”

“No, they did not.”

They sat that way for a long time. Long enough for Clarke’s sobs to stop and her tears to dry of her cheeks. But the comfort was the same.

“I will not go down without a fight,” Clarke finally mumbled. It felt like somebody had pulled a trigger inside of her, because the words came out with such force and all the guilt that had pushed her to this point dulled.

“We can’t let her go on. Not after this, not after everything that she’s done.” She looked up at Lexa and looked at her with a new kind of spark. “I must train for real now. We can ask Lincoln and Octavia too, maybe even Bell, Jasper and Monty if they feel up for it. But everyone of them deserve justice.”

She could feel the determination on her face, it made her feel like every sense was waking up again. She could do something about this, she did not need to suffer any more.

“Lexa, together, we can overcome her. Together, we can avenge them. Make their deaths count.”

Clarke could see the idea being processed in her mind. She could see how her eyes ignited with the same fire that she felt and saw her jaw clench together in determination. She could feel her hands closing into fists. She knew that on this, they would never back down.

“Together.”

She could feel another rebellion coming.

 

 


	12. It's Not Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some clexa moments and plans for special events come up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the delay and I have no good excuse except that one of the two weeks I had a school break and the other one was just really bad. Like super bad. But anyways, I'm back now and hey, things are starting to heat up!
> 
> So, as usual, leave your thoughts on the chapter below and know, in your heart, that I love all of them and that they are the best kind of inspiration :)
> 
> Enjoy - fantasycloud :)

The aftermath of the attack was massive, twenty dhampir’s and thirty-two moroi died and there was blood _everywhere_. People stood with their arms around each other, not caring who it was, just that is was someone. Someone to draw strength from. Someone who was alive. In the distance a strangled cry would ring out when someone found another face of another lost friend, and Clarke knew that she would never be able to get those sounds out of her head. They sounded as if the life had been drained from them, like every possible good emotion had been sucked right out and left them drowning in sorrow. Some was hysterical, some just stared into the distance.

She and Lexa walked beside each other amongst it all, searching for some familiar faces. But they were not looking for comfort, their steps were not slowed down by the anchor that was holding so many others prisoners. No, they had a goal. They were going to make every death count. Not Anya’s, Well’s, Maya’s or anyone else’s death would be in vain. No. She would avenge them.

When she spotted a big male with tanned skin and his arms around a smaller girl with brown long hair, she started walking faster. She could hear her heart beat in her ears, letting out a breath she was unaware of holding. Lexa’s grip on her arm first tightened, but when she looked up ahead she picked up speed too.

“Octavia!”

Clarke called out to her and through her voice you could hear the relief she felt, the absolute joy of finding her alive and not dead. Octavia whipped her head around and even though her face was streaked with tears, she saw how the girl’s eyes lit up when she saw her friend coming near her. She heard a strangled sound came out her mouth and she met her halfway in a bone crushing hug, not wanting anything to cause her dropping dead anytime soon. But Clarke just closed her eyes, just as relieved as she was.

Even though she had went around and looked at the bodies and not found her, the fear of having missed some and she was one of them had haunted her brain just as all the other of her friends had. But now when she had Octavia is her arms, some of the worry was set to rest.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” she said into Clarke’s hair and that caused her to smile.

“You too,” she said back and loosened her grip on her, but stayed at her side, not wanting to part ways just yet.

She turned around and saw how Lexa spoke to Lincoln, his expression darkening every second. She assumed that Lexa right now was either telling about Anya’s death or her mother’s hand in the attack. Either one of them could provoke that face, but she did not go and find out. If that was about Anya it was their conversation about their lost sister and not her business. She would be there for Lexa later today, but not now.

But when Lincoln’s jaw tightened and his look first swept over me and the second after stilled on Octavia, she knew that it was about her mother and Clarke’s idea of them learning to fight. His stare then turned back to Lexa and first looked at her like he was still deciding something, but the second after he nodded and started walking towards us again. Clarke decided on not telling Octavia, there was too much going on right now and while Lincoln and Lexa had trained for this their entire life, Octavia had not. So either she was going to tell her later or Lincoln would do it tonight when they went to sleep.

“Hey,” Lexa said and touched her arm. She snapped out of her thoughts and turned to her who now was standing beside her and looking worried and with her eyebrows slightly turned up, as if she was waiting for an answer.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“I said, are you hungry? We have not eaten today and we did not eat dinner yesterday.”

“Oh, I don’t really know, I haven’t focused on that.”

She threw me a sympathetic look, a look that had so much sadness in it, and let her thumb caress my arm. “I know, but it is important that you eat. Come one.” She held out her hand and waited for me to take it before she started walking. The moon shone bright tonight, all of the stars was out and the air was chilly. Suddenly, she was shaking. Goosebumps appeared all over her arms and her teeth knocked together several times of the shaking that would not stop no matter how hard she tried. She felt Lexa stop but she could only focus on the outstretched arms in front of her.

“Clarke?”

“They won’t stop shaking.”

She could feel tears well up in her eyes and how the shaking moved from being barely noticeable to as if there was an earthquake going on. Her vision blurred and a strangled sound emerged from her throat, and suddenly, she was drowning in them. But Lexa’s arms came around her and enclosed her in a tight embrace, letting her fall apart without actually falling, and she let the noises come out. She was having a panic attack she realized, but she had no idea of how to stop it. She had had a number before, but they were never this big.

And plus, they usually were about the rape, but this time it was different. People had died, friends that she had cared about, a thing that she had no control over. A thing that would not have changed if she chose to walk down a dark alley or not, a thing so big its consequences would wreck lives forever and a thing that brought out every possible bad emotion that existed. And she had no idea how to get away from that and pretend that everything was normal.

“ _Clarke_.”

Her name she heard as if it was through a wall. It was muffled and drowned in a substance that made it sound thicker than it usually was. But her body listened. It stilled.

“Clarke, come back.” It sounded like a pleading, and she realized that they were sitting down.

“Lexa?” She heard her sigh and she felt a kiss being placed upon her head. But that only brought out a sob from her. “What are we going to do?”

It took several minutes for her to get an answer, so long that she thought that she was not getting one, but it came. “What we normally do. We are going to wake up in the morning, eat breakfast, attend class, eat lunch, attend class, eat dinner, train and go to bed. And then we will repeat that until it does not feel forced or out of place. We just keep on living the way we were.”

“But how? How will we be able to not look for them?” She did not have to pinpoint who “they” were, Lexa understood. “How can we move forward like nothing happened?”

“Because that is how the world works.”

She sighed and bore her head into Lexa’s chest, feeling as if the need of just getting closer to her suddenly intensified ten times. She closed her hands in a tight grip over her stomach and drew her to herself, the fear of losing her started to seep in and was soon filling her up, almost exploding when she was full.

“I’m so relieved you’re okay. When I stepped out on that war zone… Seeing Anya’s body… I just…” She could not finish the sentence, but lexa knew. She always knew. So instead of answering, her embrace only tightened and she felt her nails digging in her back. The need of them being closer to each other was so big, like nothing else mattered. It was as if everything that before seemed to matter just became nothing and this need of another living body filled her up to max.

“Lexa,” she breathed out and sighed into her sweater.

“I know,” she breathed back and drew a shaky breath beside her ear. “Come on.”

They got up and locked hands tight. They walked in silence to the cafeteria and they had even had time to stand in the que before Clarke even remembered her panic attack she just had. How did she just forget about it? Did Lexa really hold that much power over her? It is funny, if that would have happened if she was alone, it probably would take at least half an hour to just stop shaking.

She accepted her cup and started walking the normal route to their table, but stopped dead in her tracks.

“What Clarke?” Lexa asked and put her hand on her shoulder.

“I can’t go there.”

“Where?”

“The table. _Our_ table.”

“Oh. Well I assume we can sit at another table.”

“Yeah.”

So instead of going straight forward, they took a fast right turn and sat down at the closest table they encountered. It was a small round table right at the aisle and people were walking by it. It took Clarke about five seconds before she realized that she missed the old table. But how could she ever sit at it again? To have to look at all the empty seats everyday would only make her miserable and sad all the time, and nobody wanted that. But she still wanted their table. It had the perfect view of the entire cafeteria and it overlooked campus because it was by one of the larger windows. And the wind was great there when a window was open, it blew directly to them so they were cooled off.

 _What am I doing?_ she asked herself and shook her head. Ranting about how great a table was? Seriously, she was going crazy.

“Clarke?” Lexa’s voice rang out a little louder than usual and she then focused her eyes and saw that Lexa’s hand was waving in front of them.

“Hm?”

“I’ve been trying to talk to you,” Lexa said and looked at her cautiously.

“Sorry, I was thinking. What did you say?”

“I was asking if you have done all your homework?”

“Yeah… Why?”

“I just wondered if you wanted to… I don’t know, maybe you’d like togoonadatewithme?”

“What?” She heard it but it was adorable seeing Lexa flustered. Lexa sighed and looked down at her hands. She started twirling with her fork and poked around her food for a moment before looking up and spoke the words again, and it was as if they were her kind of torture, because they sounded forced and they were drenched in worry of dejection. But did she really think that Clarke would do that?

“I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me.”

“Yeah I know, I was just teasing. And yes Lexa, I would love to go on a date with you. And by the way, I don’t ever think that I have heard you speak like normal people do before.”

“What?”

“Oh you know. You are instead of you’re. We will instead of we’ll. You get the idea.”

“Oh, yeah. Well I find the english language should be treated right and not cheat, even with words. And I like keeping things as they were created. It is a really beautiful language if you speak it correctly.”

“You’re adorable. And no, I won’t start with it. But I don’t know if I’ll be any fun at a date. I only feel like crying right now.”

“I know, I thought this might cheer you up.” She smiled and took her hand lightly.

“Well then I appreciate the thought and I’m totally up for it. When will this date take place?”

“Well, I thought late friday to early saturday.”

“Lexa!” she said and slapped her arm and felt her cheeks turn bright red.

“Oh! Oh, no, I didn’t mean that,” she stuttered and her cheeks turned equally as red, if not redder. “Trust me, that was _not_ what I meant. Well, surely I thought about it. No wait, I didn’t mean that, I just meant…” She took a breath and looked up at Clarke. “I meant, I have something else planned.”

“Nice save,” she smirked and leaned over to kiss her on her lips. She felt her sigh into it and whispered in her ear as she leaned back. “I have thought about it too.” When her line had been said she could almost swear that she felt her shudder, but she did not want to embarrass her more, so she did not say anything.

“So, I can’t know?”

“No, it is a surprise.”

“Fine. But, casual or are we dressing up?”

“You can wear whatever you like.”

“Lexa, what should I wear?”

“Fine. Wear something nice.”

“Okay,” she said and smiled at her. She never had realized that Lexa was the romantic type. Huh. She guessed she could learn something new every day.

“Hey Clarke,” she heard Octavia’s voice say behind her and she turned around with a smile. She was met by an identical one on her face, a mask of the day's event.

“What are you guys talking about?”

“Lexa is taking me out on a date.”

“What? Where?” The excitement in her voice was real even though her eyes was sad. But she appreciated the spirit, so she let herself get distracted by it.

“She doesn’t say.”

“Ooh, jealous.” She laughed and punched Lexa’s shoulder lightly.

“Yeah, she’s so sweet.”

“Clarke, I am sitting right here.”

“I know,” she said and kissed her again. “I can’t brag about my girlfriend and the date that she has planned to my friend?”

She saw how she swallowed and it was like nothing else but each other’s eyes existed. “Girlfriend?” Her eyes started glowing and she looked, for the first time in forever, happy.

“Yeah, I think it’s time.”

“Yeah.” The smile that followed stretched from eye to eye and when she tilted her head forward her hair fell around her face like a curtain, shielding her from the world.

“Okay, enough with the cuteness, me and Lincoln will puke over here.”

And sure enough, when Clarke looked around Lincoln and Octavia both sat with their hands over their faces and just like that, the magical air was gone and they both shook their heads, but moved on.

“Oh shush,” she said and laughed. But right after that sound came out, it sounded wrong. Out of place. She sighed and turned her look down.

“Will it ever be the same?”

“No.”

Everyone looked up at that and saw Bellamy walking over to them, and Octavia shot up at once.

“Bel! I was so worried.”

“O, worry about yourself,” he said with a laugh, but he returned her hug. “And I’m fine,” he added. “And to answer your question, no, things will never be the same. But we will just have to keep on going, right?”

“Yeah,” they all said and turned down their gazes. After five minutes of failed attempts at small talk, Clarke interrupted.

“I want revenge.”

That shut everyone up. Lincoln and Lexa quickly looked over their shoulders, but the cafeteria was empty.

“Revenge?”

“Yes, I want to make her pay for what she’s done. I mean, she couldn’t expect this to have no consequences?”

“I agree,” Lincoln and Lexa said at the same time and that drew confidence out of her.

“I’m tired of her doing whatever she wants. It’s time for things to change.”

“Wait,” Octavia said and held up her hand. “So you’re saying that you want to revolt?” Her eyes was as big as saucers and her cheeks had this glow on them. She sighed. She liked the idea. “So when do we do it?”

“Whoa hold your horses,” Bellamy said and looked between his sister and Clarke. “Do you really think that a bunch of kids can storm the palace, one of the most secured places I might add, and kill her or kidnap her? Really?”

That also shut everyone up.

“No.”

Lexa’s word rang out and everyone looked at her now.

“No, we will ha a secret gathering with people whom we trust, people that lost someone and people who want change. We will ask around, be discrete. The dhampir’s will train the moroi and the moroi will learn how to use their magic in a way that can help this situation. We can build an army.”

Clarke looked at her and thought that this was what Lexa was meant to do. To lead, to be in control. It was the one thing that made her glow of excitement, and plus she was damn good at it too. Her hands was placed on the table and her cheeks were red and her dedication flowed through her voice.

“What do you say?”

Everyone looked at each other, before Octavia put her hand forward.

“For Maya.”

Lincoln repeated her motion and said, “For Anya.”

“For Wells,” Bellamy said and threw in his hand to.

And for them and everyone else, this could not be over until they had succeeded.

Lexa put her hand in and looked at Clarke. “For those we have lost.” And that was all it took. She put in her hand and said back, “And those whom we shall soon find.”

And she meant it. Doing this… It would somehow bring a piece of them back. If this by some miracle worked, their death would not be in vain. And when she has gotten past that, she could start to focus on all of the good memories and not just the sorrow. And that was going to be a big relief.

But first they needed for people to understand the importance of this mission. That this was not a joke. They had to get them to understand that if they joined their group, they would be signing up for another battle. And that one would be even more horrible than this one. They were signing up for weeks of training, some of them, or most of them, would probably die. A handful would live.

But, if they succeeded, Abby would be replaced. The ruthless queen would be gone for good and be replaced by a queen who had a good vision and was set on making it better for her people. And was not that the ultimate goal? To have a queen who creates a brighter future for these races? And was not a part of the goal to have a queen who make the world a better place for everyone? To make dhampir’s and moroi equals?

And suddenly Clarke realized what she was getting into. And she had to swallow down hard at the thought. She already felt the responsibility piling on her shoulders.

If they succeeded, Clarke was going to be that queen.

 


	13. The Weight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's having a hard time, Jasper lashes out and Clarke and Lexa is gifted with a surprise from Bellamy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I AM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY! I don't even know what to say but that, I'm truly sorry. My life isn't the easiest one and back in november something huge happened that caused me to stop writing. My inspiration went and didn't come back, I tried, but with everything that was going on resulted in very bad writing and that's not how I wanted people to look at the story and I felt that the story deserved more because I really love this fic. And I promise that new chapters will come rolling in as usual now.
> 
> And you guys, season 3 has finally started! YAY! And omg, Lexa's back tonight! DUBBLE YAY! Don't forget to tweet HEDA'S BACK so we can keep it trending ;)
> 
> I will repeat it once more before I let you go, I'm so sorry. I hope you all are not too angry with me. (And please do have in mind that english isn't my first language so forgive me if something is wrong spelled or something like that.)
> 
> Anyways, enjoy this chapter - fantasycloud

It was funny how one single word could change so much.

_ Queen. _

But it was more than just a word. It was a word with an important meaning, a word that connected to other words with just as important meanings behind them. Like  _ Responsibilities. Strength. Power. Greatness.  _ All of those words connected to the word  _ Queen,  _ and Clarke realized that she had to be all of those as well as many other if she ever even should consider herself as a queen. Was she all of those? Was she responsible? And what did exactly having power mean? Her mother was a great example on what could happen if you misunderstand the word  _ Power.  _ She seemed to think that having power meant that you could do whatever you want and rule they way you want and everybody would have to obey, but Clarke knew better.

To have power means that you have the power to choose where it should be. Only a handful people have power, and it is what you do with it that decides whether of not you are deserving of power. Her mother did not deserve it, she had just proven that. No, for her to deserve power, she had to give the people a chance to believe in her. Trust her. She had to show them that she was worthy of their trust and that she was one of them, then she could be deserving of power. 

So, how could she show that she was deserving of their trust? By showing them that she was one of them? There is many ways of doing that, and all of those ways was swirling around in her head like a tornado.

“Clarke?”

She was shaken out of her thoughts by a gentle squeeze of Lexa’s hand in hers and the second later Lexa’s face swam into focus, her constant worrying eyes observing every inch of her face, looking for the slightest clue of unwellness, but Clarke just smiled. Lexa and Clarke lay in Clarke’s bed back at their room, three days had gone by since the attack and they had just returned from the training room where they currently had been teaching their friends how to fight.

“Sorry, I was thinking.”

“About?”

“About what comes next I think. How can I be what I must become? How can I be a queen?”

Lexa thought about it for a moment, her face never betrayed her thoughts once, never letting them cross over her facial expressions, until she sighed.

“I do not think that you know the impact you have on people. You have the power to sweep an entire crowds interest and leave them speechless. When you talk, your aura spreads and with your words you touch everyone’s hearts and imprint them in their mind. If you decide that you are a queen, then the people will see it too, and they will stand behind you, no matter what.”

Lexa’s answer made her look at her in awe. Somehow Lexa had summed up an entire night’s thoughts and made them make sense. Could she really sweep an entire crowd's interest and make them believe in her merely because she believes in herself? 

“I know that you have a lot on your mind right now, but try to put it away. You need to sleep.”

Clarke nodded, but her eyes stayed open. Or rather, she forced them to stay open. “I can’t,” she whispered.

“Yes you can.”

“No. I will just see their faces,” she said and put a hand over her eyes. “Everytime I close my eyes, I see Jasper’s haunted eyes or Anya’s body.”

“I know,” Lexa said and gently pulled away the hand that now covered teary eyes. “But I am here, Clarke. Just try and relax.” Clarke felt Lexa wrap her arms more tightly around her body and she tried to shut out every other emotion. But how was that possible when the weight of so many deaths lay upon her chest? Did she even deserve a few hours of sleep? A sob wrenched itself free from her throat and Clarke felt herself push herself into Lexa’s chest. Anything to make it go away. But Lexa just stroke her hand over her back and spoke quiet soothing words to her. “Go to sleep,” Lexa whispered and pressed a kiss into her hair.

At some point she must have fallen asleep because a few hours later she jerked awake, drenched in sweat with her heart beating furiously behind her ribs. She looked around and saw the sun shining in through their window and the clock showed 4:13. She sighed and put one of her hands on her forehead.  _ It was just a dream.  _

Lexa lay peacefully asleep by her side, her legs tangled somewhat with Clarke’s own and Clarke couldn’t help but to smile. She was beautiful in her sleep, peaceful, with her hair flowing around her. If she was allowed she could just lay and stare at her for hours, but with her heart still pounding painfully in her chest she quietly untangled herself from Lexa, slipped in some clothes and headed out their door. She closed her eyes briefly, but when the haunting image of the field full of the dead bodies came in front of her eyes, she snapped them open again. She took a deep breath and continued to walk down the stairs.

How could she even be worthy of miss the dead? They all would have been better off without her. If she just had stayed in Europe none of this would’ve happened.  _ But if you did you wouldn’t have met Lexa.  _ True, but because of her Lexa had lost her long time best friend. Her sister. How Lexa still could stand beside her was something Clarke never would understand, but she was grateful. If it wasn’t for Lexa Clarke would’ve crumbled a long time ago.

Suddenly Clarke found herself standing at the edge of campus by the cliff that overlooked a river that ringled around the school. She could feel the power of the water as she moved to sit on the edge, she could feel the life it held. Since she was a spirit user she was pretty good at the other elements, but water had always stood out. Its way of form, how it could go from the calmest of dams till the stormiest of seas, it made Clarke mesmerized by it. Her feet dangled over the edge and she smiled a little when she felt its spray over her legs, and she wondered how many people would miss her if she just jumped. Lexa would be crushed, but what about her friends? Would they miss her? Certainly not Jasper, she was the reason his girlfriend was dead.

What was she thinking? She shook her head and focused her eyes on the sky above her instead. It was a clear blue sky and the sun stood low in the sky. It only stung a bit, but she didn’t care. She deserved at least that for all the pain she had caused. She let out a long breath and lay down on the grass. Why had her life turned out to be so painful? Why couldn’t she have gotten a normal life with two normal parents where she wasn’t the cause of hundreds of deaths? She was only seventeen, but in her mind she felt like she was a millennium. She was supposed to have a few years left as a child, but she had let them being ripped from her fingers. How much more pain could she she carry without breaking in two?

She lay there on the grass with her legs dangling over the edge and watched how the sun wandered lower and lower on the sky and felt how the water sprayed her feet with its cold substance. She heard the wind, it's quiet rustling through the leaves and through her hair. In the distance she heard some birds chirping. Everything was so peaceful and calm that it made her stomach ache. Soon the sky was painted with colors, orange as bright as the sun itself, pink and light purple. They all mixed together so well, creating a canvas full of life and beauty. It was so beautiful that for a few seconds Clarke forgot all of the horrible images that haunted her vision, and for the first time in days Clarke breathed with ease. She sighed and just let herself drown in the sky, willing her mind to shut off completely.

“Clarke!”

She turned her head to the sound of her name but relaxed when she saw from whom it came from. 

“Clarke, thank god, I woke up and you were  _ gone  _ and I was worried out of my mind and-”

But she paused when she saw Clarke’s position. “Clarke?” Lexa said cautiously. “Why are you lying here?”

Clarke just shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. It’s quiet.” She heard Lexa sigh and the second after she felt her on the ground beside her.

“Do not ever do that again. I thought something happened to you,” she said and took Clarke’s hand in hers.

“How am I supposed to live knowing what I have caused? How can I possibly enjoy moments like these when the weight of hundreds is lying upon my chest? How can I kiss you without feeling guilty of knowing that I ripped others apart?”

Her questions hung in the air, but instead of an answer she felt Lexa drag her body up into hers. “Listen to me. You are not alone in this. I am carrying this burden with you, so please Clarke. I do not want to lose you,” she said and hugged her tighter. She sighed into her arms and brought her hands up to rest on Lexa’s arms. “You won’t,” she whispered. 

They stayed in each other's arms for what seemed like hours. Classes were cancelled due to the attack, Jaha had decided that the school would mourn the dead over the next few days and honestly, Clarke thought that Jaha just didn’t have the strength to meet everyone’s eyes. He had lost his only son. 

“Lexa?”

“Hm?”

“How are we supposed to train everybody?”

Lexa seemed to think about it for a minute. “As I trained you.”

“But this time it won’t just be me.”

“And it will not just be me either,” Lexa said and stroked her thumb over Clarke’s hand. “Other’s will help.”

“You really think so?”

“Yes. Once we tell them the truth about the attack people will want Abby gone. You just have to show them that you’re on their side.” Clarke nodded and sighed. 

“We should probably go back, start asking around. It won’t be long before my mother tries something again and we must be ready.” Lexa nodded and moved to stand up, but Clarke’s hand closed around hers. “But not just yet.” She heard her chuckle but she sat down again and kissed Clarke on the top of her head.

“Whenever you are ready, we will face it together.”

* * *

 

When they got back everything was still quiet, even though it was well past lunchtime. Clarke and Lexa wandered hand in hand through the school and just looked at everything. Clarke smiled at some of the things they passed, the water station where Anya had been sprayed with water when Octavia pulled a prank on her, the stairs where she and Monty sat one day with Lexa and Artigus stood in the distance. She even spotted the place where Murphy attacked her, where she first met Lexa. Some of these memories brought a happy smile, others a more painful one. But at least Lexa was at her side, squeezing her hand every time Lexa felt her tense up.

But suddenly everything changed. Because one moment she was walking next to Lexa, and the next one it felt like her head was going to explode, and she screamed.

“Clarke?” Lexa said, her grip tightening to the point where I could feel pain, but all I could think about was the pain in my head. “Clarke what is happening?”

“Oh nothing,” came a voice from behind. Lexa whipped around and put her body in between mine and the other one, trying to shield my body against whatever made me scream. “I’m just making things right. After all, she killed my girlfriend.”

“Jasper, be reasonable,” she heard Lexa frantically say. “Clarke didn’t make it happen, her mother did.” Clarke could barely focus on the conversation because of the pain and black clouds had started to cloud her vision. “Jasper, you are her friend.”

“Friends don’t kill each other’s girlfriends,” Jasper said and suddenly the pain from her head had gone away. But Clarke had barely time to feel relieved before she felt her bone break and shatter in her leg. 

She screamed again and feel into a heap on the floor, pain exploding throughout her whole body, making her vision go completely black for a second. but the pain didn’t stop there. She heard another sickening crack in her arm and she again screamed at the top of her lungs. Her tears had already started running down her cheeks, making warm tracks down her face and pool in her hair. She felt Lexa’s hands on her arms, but that only made her scream again when she shook her broken arm. She felt herself being lifted off the floor and pressed against a warm body before the pain became too much. The only thing she picked up before she blacked out was Lexa’s soothing voice, telling her to stay alive.

The first thing she felt was pain. There was pain everywhere, her head, her leg, her arm. Her whole body ached. She tried to open her eyes, but they felt too heavy. She breathed in through her nose and when she smelled the sterile air around her, she knew where she was. The medical facility on campus. And that’s when all the memories started to flood back into her mind, leaving her shocked and beyond heartbroken. Jasper, one who she had called her friend, had tried to kill her. But she probably deserved it, he was right, she did kill his girlfriend. She took another deep breath before forcing her eyes open.

The light was blinding, too bright for her hurting eyes. She blinked a couple of times before her eyes adjusted and looked around the room. But she didn’t get too far before she saw a sleeping figure sitting in a chair. Lexa. She smiled at the sight, Lexa’s chin resting on her shoulder with her hands clasped in her lap. She looked so peaceful and beautiful that Clarke was afraid to wake her, but she figured that sleeping in a chair wasn’t the most comfortable for her.

“Lexa,” she croaked out and coughed, not expecting her throat to be so dry and sore. “Lexa,” she tried again with better luck. She saw Lexa’s sleepy eyes half opening before they landed on Clarke.

“Clarke,” she whispered in relief and almost flew out of the chair and before she could register any other movement Lexa was by her side, gently touching her uninjured arm.

“Hey,” she said and gently.

“Hi,” Clarke answered back. “Nice save,” she tried to joke, but Lexa’s understanding expression said everything. And without Clarke saying anything Lexa leaned over her and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“I know.”

She swallowed down her tears before she managed to get her answer out. “What happened to him?”

“Lincoln and I had to knock him out,” Lexa said and when she saw the pained expression on Clarke’s face, the grip on her arm intensified a little. “It was the only way of stopping him of hurting you, Clarke.”

“I know,” she said and closed her eyes. “I only wish…”

“Wish what?” Lexa’s tone was so gentle that it made Clarke shiver.

“That it didn’t turn out this way.”

She felt a kiss being placed on her forehead again before she opened her eyes. Lexa’s green eyes was staring so intensly into hers that it made her dizzy for a second, it felt like she was drowning in the amount of love she saw and the amount of worry.

“I am sorry,” Lexa whispered and for a second her eyes roamed over Clarke’s body and Clarke saw how her eyes closed. That made her look down at herself, and she only swallowed. Both her arm and leg were in a cast, and from the look of her purple foot she guessed that she was in pretty bad shape. She started to move her hand to her injured one to heal it, but Lexa stopped her.

“Clarke, not yet. You must rest first.”

“I’m fine, I can do it,” but Lexa’s hand remained.

“No, you cannot. Please do not fight me on this, I had to watch you when you were on the verge of dying, Clarke.” Lexa stared so desperately into her eyes and her fear was evident. So Clarke nodded and scooted to her left a little and motioned for Lexa to lay down.

“Fine, but after I’ve slept I’m healing myself.”

Lexa only nodded before she lay down beside Clarke and positioned herself so that Clarke’s head could rest on her shoulder. “Do not ever scare me like that ever again,” she heard Lexa say and all she could do was nod. Her eyelids were already closing and before she could answer she was asleep.

The next time Clarke woke up her head was still on Lexa’s shoulder, but the brunette was still asleep so Clarke couldn’t really figure out why she woken up, but when her eyes landed on Bellamy, Octavia, Lincoln and Caris, all with worried expressions at her door, she smiled.

“Guys, you didn’t have to come,” she croaked out quietly and looked over at Lexa. Should she wake her up? People had never seen her in such a vulnerable place before, but she looked so calm so Clarke decided against it. She motioned for her friends to come closer and only rolled her eyes when she saw Octavia smirking.

“How are you?” Bellamy asked and Clarke gestured down at her body.

“As well as can be expected,” she said, her smile fading when she saw that both Monty and Jasper were missing. “I’m sorry,” she said and looked into their eyes. “For all the damage I’ve caused. I didn’t mean to screw everything up.”

“You didn’t screw up Clarke,” Octavia said and patted her leg. “Your mom did. No offense,” she added but Clarke didn’t even try to laugh at the joke. She only nodded and breathed in a deep breath and calmed down a little when Lexa’s scent filled up her entire being. “Monty’s with Jasper, trying to calm him down, but if Jasper doesn’t cool down Jaha might transfer him to another school,” she added which only made Clarke feel worse, but she nodded.

“Lexa looks exhausted,” Lincoln said and she saw Caris nod. “I’ve never seen her sleep during the day.” Clarke looked at her face and she could see the dark circles under her eyes and how Lexa not have woken up yet amazed her.

“Yeah,” Clarke said and sighed. If she only could heal that away too. “We’re all tired.”

“But anyways, we have to come up with some sort of plan on how we’re going to train everyone that is willing,” Clarke said and tried to push everything else away. “I mean, where would we train? If one of the training teachers found us, would them be mad, or are they on our side?”

“We can maybe train in two different groups,” Caris said. “So that everyone doesn’t disappear all at once.” They all nodded at that and soon they were bouncing different ideas and proposals and Clarke felt a little of the weight drop of her shoulders. Maybe she would be able to pull this off after all. But after half an hour Clarke started yawning and that made everyone laugh and leave. She smiled and waved at them and tried not to wince at the movement. 

_ Better now than never,  _ she thought and moved her hand over to her injured arm. She almost immediately regretted it, but she gritted her teeth together and focused all her power on healing the stupid arm. She felt the bones starting to reform and set, and at the same time Clarke felt small drops of sweat starting to build on her forehead.  _ Come on,  _ she thought and tried to make it go faster because she didn’t think that she could stay conscious much longer. 

Clarke must have made some noise that was loud enough for Lexa to stir awake because the next second she felt Lexa’s hand close around her hands.

“No, Clarke.”

“I’m fine, I’m almost done,” she panted and closed her eyes and tried not to pass out.  _ Come on it’s just a stupid broken arm,  _ she thought and spurred on her mind. She felt her bone slowly returning to normal again and sighed in relief when she was done. She hadn’t realized it at the time but her muscles had tensed up so badly that Lexa had started to rub circles down her back.  She almost tipped backwards onto Lexa, but she only felt lexa’s arms come around her and wrap her in a hug.

“Take the leg when you’ve got some more rest,” she said and Clarke nodded in exhaustion. Lexa started humming on a song that was brand new to her but she hadn’t the willpower to ask where it came from. She fell asleep with that song stuck in her head.

* * *

 

Over the next few days it felt like Clarke was right back at the beginning of the school year. The stares followed her everywhere even though Lexa was at her side and throwing the exact same glare right back at them. The rumor had spread like wildfire around school, that Clarke Griffin almost got killed by her revenge driven friend Jasper Jordan. She already felt bad enough, but people staring at her? It was almost too much to handle. But Lexa’s hand was always on her back, as if she was sending her some of her strength through the touch.

Classes had started up again and she was right now sitting one of her many spirit classes and listening to the teacher on how to heal living individuals. It was a little ironic considering what Clarke just went through, but she listened anyway. Octavia and Monty sat at her side, Monty, the angel he was, sat and took notes, while Clarke could see that Octavia was sitting and drawing doodles in her book that resembled a little like Lincoln's name, but she didn’t ask. She and Lexa had exchanged so many looks over the past months that she couldn’t really complain on the girl writing her boyfriends name in a book. But that didn’t stop her for rolling her eyes.

But she was brought out of her thoughts when a note landed on her desk. She opened it and looked around and saw how Bellamy nodded at her to open it. She did and had to smother her gasp.

_ Meet us at the far off gym after classes, we have a surprise for you. _

_ -B _

She looked over at Bellamy again but he had his attention back at the teacher. She felt a hand on her shoulder that first made her jump, but when she saw Lexa with one slightly arched eyebrow standing behind her she just handed her the note. Lexa read it and looked at Clarke, but her confusion only mirrored Clarke’s own.

After class Clarke and Lexa hurried down to the gym with Octavia, Lincoln,  Bellamy, Chairs and Monty following close, neither Clarke nor Lexa payed attention to their smirks. But when they opened the doors to the gym, their hearts stopped. 

All around them stood almost every moroi and dhampir in school lined up on the floor, Indra and Gustus at the front. Everyone had on their sweatpants and loose t-shirts, ready to learn and that made Clarke’s heart throb of pride. They wanted a change.

“Indra,” Lexa said and eyed the group. But she didn’t need to finish her question.

“I overheard some talking about wanting to start an uprising and I thought that it would be pointless without someone to teach them. Well, you probably could, but just in case,” Indra said and for the first time in Clarke’s time here at school, Indra smiled a little at Lexa. Was it pride because Lexa beat her in their fight? Clarke didn’t know, but when she saw Lexa stand a little straighter and nod her thanks to Indra it made Clarke smile as well.

“And Clarke,” she heard someone from the crowd say. She searched through the crowd until her eyes landed Harper, a girl in her history class. “We believe in you.”

And that was all she needed. She shared a hopeful look with Lexa before turning towards the crowd again. “Okay,” she said and let her voice ring out in the gym. “Let’s begin.”


	14. The Sound Of My People

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for still sticking with me, it meant so much that I got positive response from the last chapter, and here is the next, as promised. Hope you like it!
> 
> Enjoy! - fantasycloud :)

It was the day after Clarke and Lexa had found the crowd of people in the gym and now Clarke was minutes away from their first training session. It was in the afternoon, after their classes had ended and this day would decide if this plan would actually be reasonable to do. Not that they had much choice. Clarke was standing in the middle of one of the locker rooms, practically bouncing off the walls as she waited to enter the gym. Lexa sat with her back leaning on the wall, her facial expression composed and serious.

“Clarke, please just sit down. Everything is going to be fine.”

“I can’t,” Clarke said and even though she tried to drown it, her words was practically dripping with uncertainty. Lexa sighed and stood up and took Clarke’s hands in her own. 

“I know this might be hard. But you must trust that this plan is going to work.”

“I know, it’s just,” Clarke said and lowered her gaze to the floor. “If this doesn’t work out, everyone in there is going to be let down and I can’t handle more people suffer because of me.”

Lexa nudged her chin with her finger, lifting her stare to meet Lexa’s own. “Hey. They  _ chose  _ this. If this goes wrong, which it won’t, but if it does, it will not be your fault.”

Lexa refused to drop Clarke’s stare until Clarke had nodded that she understood, and barely even then she left it. Clarke felt Lexa drag her to one of the nearby benches and she felt Lexa sit down before being pulled down into her lap. Lexa’s arms came around her back and Clarke sighed and put her head in the crook of Lexa’s neck.

“I think that you might be the only person who knows how to calm me down,” Clarke said and listened to Lexa’s heartbeat, counting its pulse. She loved listening to it, it beat with such force, with such meaning. Like a promise of safety and protection. And whenever Clarke would touch Lexa she could feel its pace quickening, just as it did now. She smiled and pressed a kiss to Lexa’s neck, right above her pulse. She felt Lexa shiver and how she tightened her grip on Clarke’s back.

“Just as you are the only one who knows how to calm me down,” she heard Lexa say, but she was too busy trailing kisses along her jawline to answer. Clarke had always loved her jawline and her fingers had been itching to draw it, to be able to try and capture the strong, but yet soft, feature. Now it wasn’t just her fingers that ached to follow trail, and by the way that Lexa’s pulse quickened, she didn’t mind.

“Clarke,” she said, but Clarke just smiled. She brought her lips up to meet Lexa’s and she had long ago forgotten about what they were about to do, right now kissing Lexa’s soft lips, feeling them pressed against hers, was the only thing her mind could focus on. 

“Clarke we’re ready for y-”

Octavia’s voice died and Clarke couldn’t help but laugh when she heard a groan from her mouth.

“Seriously! I was in here ten minutes ago telling you that I would come and collect you when we were ready. Can’t you keep your hands to yourself for ten minutes?”

“Sorry, O,” Clarke laughed and stepped off of Lexa, and laughed even more at Lexa’s flustered face. She kissed Lexa’s lips softly one more time before turning towards O and gestured for her to guide the way.

“Okay so Indra has taught us some basic stuff, but we hoped that you would teach us the magic parts, Clarke,” she said and glanced at Clarke. “You can do that, right?”

“Yes,” Clarke said and reached for the door. “I’ve studied and practiced some basic tactics of battle strategy of all of the elements with some of the teachers for the past few days actually, and most of it has actually worked.”

“Good, because they expect something,” Octavia said walked through the door into the gym. Clarke and Lexa followed and when they stepped into the gym, Clarke let out an audible gasp. Indra, Gustus and three other dhampirs stood in front of all of the moroi’s, all of them moving in unison, making the same movements in some sort of dance, with every moroi copying them. This looked practiced, this could  _ not  _ have been done in one day. 

Clarke looked over at Octavia who just looked over the crowd with pride. “Bellamy, Lincoln and I gathered them the minute after the attack. We’ve been training every spare minute. Clarke, we can do this.”

Clarke just stared at her, speechless, and looked over the crowd again. But quickly she gathered her thoughts and stepped forward the table placed in the middle of the room. She looked at Lexa. “It’s now or never.”

“You can do this,” Lexa said quietly and Clarke nodded. With one last glance at her Clarke turned her attention on the training crowd.

“Everyone,” she said and was greeted with silence and attention. “I stand here amongst you all as one of you and we are brought together because of a matter that must be discussed. And that matter is our Queen, also my mother. I believe that she is no longer fit to lead our people, and I have come to an understanding that you no longer do to, or else we would not be here today.” Clarke and Lexa had spent hours yesterday making this speech, practicing it so that they both could do it in their sleep. 

“A few days ago the queen that had sworn to protect our people betrayed us, she let in the strigoi on campus that led to the deaths of many beloved friends. Now it is time for us to act.” She looked over at Lexa who nodded and stepped forward to come and stand beside Clarke.

“The queen has taken enough from us.” Lexa spoke and even though Clarke didn’t look at her she could easily see the raging fire in her eyes. “It is time that we prevent her from making more decision like the one Clarke spoke of. We deserve justice. We deserve a queen that will lead with love, passion and devotion to her people. We deserve a queen that want the best for us. We deserve a chance to a peaceful future and to heal from said painful actions. Do you think that Abby dragomir fulfill these qualities as a queen?” Lexa said loudly, followed by an even louder “No!” of everyone else. 

“This is why we stand here today. We stand here because it is time for a change, Clarke Griffin, a moroi who has suffered just as much as any of you, has become the symbol of that change. I believe that she will always lead with a clear head and with a heart that is beating for her people. Do you think the same?” Again, Lexa’s words were followed by their response. The sound of “Yes!” being shouted out inside the gym made Clarke’s heart swell with pride, because she didn’t just hear a crowd. She heard the sound of her people.

“If anyone disagrees with these truths, step forward now.” Her words rang out in the crowd but this time she was met with silence. “Good. Now I turn to you, Clarke Griffin.” Lexa turned around sideways so she faced Clarke and Clarke did the same and Clarke noticed how the pride in Lexa’s eyes practically shone. “Kneel.” Clarke did, she got down on her knees and stared up into the green endless color of Lexa’s eyes, feeling how Lexa’s pride and love seeped into her system, making her more sure of herself than ever.

This part had been decided to be performed by the other leader figures, they wanted some sort of ceremony that proved Clarke’s devotion to them, a ritual that always was performed on coronation ceremonies, and since this practically was a coronation it only seemed fitting to include this in their speech.  

“ Will you serve?”

"Will you protect your people?”

"Will you be just?”

Clarke had to answer all of Lexa’s twelve questions with an “I will” in both english and an ancient language that was called Trigedasleng, a language that was used before english was barely created. Clarke and Lexa had played a little with that idea, to learn the language, but had put the idea on hold. 

“Rise,” Lexa said. “You will never kneel to anyone again.” Lexa held out her hand which Clarke gripped gently and stood up, both of them turned to face everyone again, but their hands remained together. They were in this as one, this was their way to prove it.

Then something magical happened. Everyone, even the leader figures, went down on their knees with their heads bowed with their right hands on their hearts.

The gesture was so pure and vulnerable that it made Clarke gasp and she could feel how Lexa’s hand tightened around hers. This was not in their speech, this was not expected. But Clarke could feel how her heart swelled in her chest, how they bowed to them, it was like a confirmation that they were doing the right thing.

“Rise,” she heard herself say and looked at each and every one of them and said the one phrase that they had together put together. “Ai badan yu op en nou moun. I serve you and no other, and I always will,” she added. “Today we train. Tomorrow we take back what is ours.”

Everyone in the room broke out into cheers and applause and Clarke made no effort of containing her smile that formed on her lips. 

After a while it died down and then Clarke put on her serious face again. “Okay. The plan is simple. We train. We get better. We create a force that no one would want to cross. Then we fight.”

“Yeah!” was heard around the room and even some fists were up in the air.

“I have been studying some tactics that we could use with our magic,” she said to all of the moroi. “And if any of you have any suggestions, please do tell me. And one last thing. I want everyone in here to feel as important as everyone else. In here the dhampirs doesn’t serve the moroi. In here the moroi can’t only rely on the dhampir’s for protection. In here everyone has a choice and a voice of their own. But I do hope that we still act as one, that you share your knowledge and your ideas. Who knows, one of them might save lives.”

“Now, please continue with your training and for those who wants to learn magic but as a battle strategy, those lessons I will not hold today, no those I will start teaching tomorrow with the help of four school teachers, Rosie, Nina, Arvin and Camilla. They have all the element lessons, fire, air, water and earth. I am the fifth teacher of spirit since I don’t trust the new spirit teacher,” she declared and saw some nods here and there. She nodded to them and stepped back, gesturing that she was done. Lexa did the same but only now Clarke noticed the stronghold she had taken on her hand and began to loosen up her grip, but Lexa only gripped tighter. She looked over at her and she was almost as speechless by the look in her eyes as she was by her people.

Lexa’s eyes weren’t just filled with pride. No it was something there that had rarely seen. A playful spark dominated them and Clarke lifted an eyebrow at her, as if she could telepath her question to her. But her question was answered anyways.

“Ready to train, Clarke?” 

Clarke laughed but nodded. “Oh I’m ready.”

They both laughed and not long after that she heard the others had already begun with their wooden stakes and their dance moves. Lexa led her to an unoccupied ring and there she immediately dropped into a fighting position. 

“Okay, Clarke. Show me what I’ve taught you.”

* * *

 

After the successful training session Lexa had taken Clarke up onto the roof and now Clarke rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder, gazing up onto the black sky that was filled with tindering white dots. It felt like she was coming down from a high, she hadn’t felt this spiritual or exited about something that she had created in a long time. But it was more than that. It felt like she could finally see the light up head in the pitch black tunnel she had been stuck in for the past years. Clarke knew that a big part of the was because of Lexa, without her she would’ve crumbled a long time ago because of the weight that still clung to her shoulders. She sighed and lifted her head to meet Lexa’s waiting eyes, and was for the third time today speechless. But Lexa seemed to have that effect on her so she shouldn’t be surprised, but knowing it and seeing it are two different things.

Lexa’s eyes weren’t just on fire like they were before, they looked so alive and so full of emotion. But it wasn’t just pride, it was love, it was passion, intensity, amazement. It was everything. Clarke just stared into them and before she knew what was happening their lips suddenly crashed together and Clarke almost melted into her touch. Their hands were still locked and when she felt Lexa guide her hand to rest above her heart, she smiled into the kiss when she felt the racing pace of her heart.

“See?” Lexa said breathlessly and leaned her forehead against Clarke’s own. “This is what you do to me.” Clarke laughed and looked into her eyes again. “Clarke, you did it,” Lexa said and brought one hand up to cup Clarke’s cheek. 

“I did it,” Clarke whispered and closed her eyes, leaning into her touch.  _ I did it. I really did it. I really am their queen.  _ She brought her arms around Lexa’s body and held on tight.

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” she mumbled into Lexa’s hair.

They sat like that for another couple of minutes before leaning back onto the wall that was behind them.

“Lexa, I’ve thought about something.”

“What?”

“When we trained today, you and me, some of the dhampirs were watching us. But whenever you caught their eyes, they nodded towards you. Has this any connection with them calling you ‘commander’?”

Lexa was quiet for a moment before Clarke felt a kiss being pressed onto her head. “I am surprised you remembered that.”

“How could I forget? They were calling you commander, but you’re just a student, just as them.”

“You really want to know?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know the answer, but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“It is fine. It started after Costia was murdered. When I got the message… Something inside of me snapped. There is no gentle way of describing it, the whole experience is something that I am not proud of. I started to go on small hunts on my own, killing strigoi, looking for information, but I always came back empty handed and only more confused than before. So after a while I took out my anger in my training. I trained harder, more often, I started to challenge some of the guardians. Slowly I got better, I learned from my mistakes and from theirs. One afternoon I did something that no one had done. I beat Gustus. No student had ever done that before. After that day everyone started calling me commander and it hasn’t stopped, I guess they saw me as some kind of leader figure since I beat the strongest and most experienced dhampir guardian on campus. Since then everyone has just had this kind of respect for me, but that is something that I have never have acknowledged.”

Clarke squeezed her hand and looked into her eyes. “Sometime’s you just have to accept the role that were given to you, even if you don’t choose it yourself.”

Lexa nodded and Clarke leaned back on her shoulder. “Thank you for telling me,” she whispered and brought up her hand to kiss it and felt Lexa sight the touch.

“Clarke,” Lexa said and looked up at the sky that was beginning to transform. “Do you know which day it is?”

“Hm? Friday, why?”

“I believe our date has started,” Lexa whispered in her ear and kissed her on the cheek. Clarke stilled and turned around.

“I thought you forgot about that.”

“Why would I forget about it? I asked you, did I not?”

“Well yes,” Clarke said and chewed on her lip. “But I thought that with all of this queen stuff it might have slipped your mind. Sorry,” she apologized and kissed her softly on the lips. 

“If anyone forgot that they had a date with you are crazy,” she said and kissed her again. “Look up.”

Clarke looked at her curiously before looking up and she felt a small smile being formed on her lips.

“It’s sunrise,” she whispered and the smile grew when she felt Lexa’s arms around her waist. “How did you know that I wanted to see it?”

“You said it once.”

“Well, I obviously thought that I was talking to myself or something,” Clarke said with a laugh and watched in amazement how the golden glow grew on the sky. The pitch black sky had become brighter and was now streaked with orange and soft baby pink colors, somewhat resembling the sunset she witnessed a couple of days ago, but at the same time completely different. 

“Thank you,” she whispered again. Lexa only kissed her neck and leaned her chin on Clarke’s shoulder, watching quietly and enjoying seeing the blonde so calm and happy for what seemed like the first time in days.

They sat like that for what felt like hours, just staring up at the sky who turned brighter by the minute. They watched how white clouds started sailing by on the clearer sky and they heard the birds that was starting to wake up. They heard the quiet sound of the wind that was rustling through the leaves. It was as if the time had stopped. And that was just what they needed.

* * *

 

The next day Clarke woke up to find that she was unable to move. She looked down at herself and smiled when she saw that Lexa’s arms was circled around Clarke’s waist and her tangled with her own, unintentionally trapping her. She turned her head and kissed the top of Lexa’s head.

“Lexa,” she said and waited for her to wake up. “Lexa,” she tried again and smiled when the brunette grunted. “Lex, we’ve gotta get up.”

“Why?” she heard a sleepy voice answer her. She laughed softly and kissed her head again.

“Because it’s a new day. We need to set a good example.” Lexa just groaned in response and buried her head in Clarke’s neck. Clarke just sighed and managed to wriggle her hand out from under Lexa’s arm and starting stroking the brunette’s back, and this time it was Lexa’s turn to sigh. But they were both interrupted when a knock was heard on their door. This caused Lexa to raise her head and Clarke felt her whole body tense up.

“What?”

“No one ever knocks on my door.”

“Clarke!” Octavia’s voice said. “Get out here.”

She glanced at Lexa before jumping out of bed and jumped in some jeans before opening the door. 

“What?”

“There is some people here to see you.”

Clarke looked at her before glancing down at herself. She was still wearing her oversized t-shirt that she slept in so she looked up at Octavia. “I’m just gonna change real quick,” she muttered before closing the door again. She turned around to see that Lexa was dressed in black jeans with a black hoodie and if Clarke had time, she would’ve rolled her eyes at that. She threw on a beige v-neck shirt and pulled her hair up in a bun before looking at lexa who nodded her head and then opened the door.

“Is it someone we know?” Lexa asked Octavia but she shook her head.

“No, it’s two new students apparently who seems to know Clarke.”

“Clarke,” Lexa said and took her hand. “Stay behind me. We do not know if these persons is who they says they are.” Clarke just nodded and let Octavia guide them to the principal’s office. And the two persons at the door caused her heart to nearly stop and her body to stop moving. Lexa looked around and she only needed to look at her a second before she turned around and put her body squarely in front of Clarke and the other pair.

“Clarke,” the guy said and took a step forward but was stopped by Octavia. 

_ How is this happening? Why now?  _ Clarke was two seconds away from fainting and her head millions of memories of conversations and emotions whirled around, creating a wave that threatened to take her with it.

“Who are you?” Octavia said and looked at him and the girl behind him.

“I’m Finn,” the guy said and Clarke couldn’t help the gasp that escaped her mouth. She couldn’t believe that this was happening. “And that’s Raven.”


	15. The Unsaid Words (And The Unsaid Emotions)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter took a little longer to finish then I originally thought, but I had almost finished it when the episode aired and after I watched it I was so upset, and believe me I still am, so I couldn't finish it and when I actually did finish it I ended up changing the ending and some of the content (and I'm sorry it's a bit shorter than average but I had to write this).
> 
> I have never cried this much for a character before, but to me she is more than that as I'm sure she is to many of you. So after the episode aired I shut off my Twitter notifications and I've only opened Tumblr once or twice because I couldn't deal with the pang of emotions I saw every time someone posted or reblogged something about Lexa. But here is this chapter and I hope that it will bring joy instead of tears as it did to me.
> 
> Thank you for your patience and every time I receive a mail that says I've got kudos or a comment my heart jumps in my chest and a warmth starts spilling in and I'm amazed that someone actually wants to read what I write. I'm forever grateful to you who read this, thank you again and right now reading and writing fanfiction is the only thing that can somewhat ease the pain that episode 7 brought, I've actually been writing non stop since the episode on different works, but enough with my rambling now.
> 
> Enjoy! - fantasycloud :)

_ “Who are you?”  _

_ “I’m Finn,”  _

_ “And that’s Raven.” _

She couldn’t believe that this was happening. After all this time, why now? Why would two of the people she never wanted to see ever again in her life just show up just as things was starting to go her way? Why is the universe so cruel? She could feel how she started to shake so she clenched her hands into fists, hoping the motion would stop the shivering. It didn’t.

“Clarke,” she heard Lexa’s voice say, but she was too far into her own mind that her voice sounded as if she was submerged under water. But she refused to let the two people who had broken her for so long so her weak. 

“I’m fine,” she said almost mechanically. “C’mon Lexa.” She said and started to back up. “Let’s go.”

“Clarke, wait!” She heard Raven call out, but Lexa was in front of her in a flash. 

“Do not touch her,” she almost growled.

“I just wanted to say, that I didn’t know about you and Finn, okay? I’m sorry, I had no idea who you were in that library, I just thought you were some random stranger, but after Finn said those words to you I pushed him away okay?”

Clarke had stilled when she heard Raven speak. She peered over Lexa’s shoulder, but all she saw when she looked at her was that day when she got her heart broken and she closed her eyes briefly, hearing Finn’s laugh and seeing his hands up her shirt. 

“Look,” she continued and that caused Clarke to snap her eyes open again to look at the girl who now were beginning to tear up. “I didn’t know about you. If I would’ve known I would’ve never continued dating him, I swear. After I did find out, I broke up with him.”

“Then why are you here now, together?” She heard herself ask and was surprised when her voice didn’t waver. “If what you say is true, why are you here?”

Finn, who had stood behind them surprisingly quiet, now stepped forward and looked Clarke in the eyes. “We were told to come, a special request from the queen.”

“She told us request your presence and deliver her message.”

The room went dead quiet.

“What message?” Lexa said and she practically spit out the words as she took a step back closer to where Clarke stood.

“She’s watching.”

_ She knows.  _ Clarke couldn’t help the small gasp that escaped her lips and she felt herself stumble a step backwards as if someone had punched her. In some ways, it felt like she had.  _ How could she know?  _ Now Lexa was at her side, her hand laying atop Clarke’s shoulder as she looked into her eyes. She seemed to understand her question, because she only shook her head slightly before her expression darkened.

Clarke felt her own face darken just a second after, and mere moments after that she felt anger and betrayal seep into her veins. 

_ They had a spy in their group. _

* * *

 

“Clarke, please,” Lexa said once they were back in their room. Lexa sat on the bed while Clarke was pacing on the floor with her hands running through her hair. “Tell me what you are thinking.” But Clarke was too caught up in her own thoughts to even register her comment.

_ Of all people, why Finn? _

_ Was Raven speaking the truth? _

_ Finn’s face looked full of guilt, but why? _

_ Why couldn’t her mother leave her alone? _

_ Raven looked like she was on the verge of tears. _

Her thoughts inside her head didn't cease to come, rather, more questions than ever seemed to enter her mind and Clarke paused her step only to clutch her head with her hands and she let out a frustrated groan. “Out,” she mumbled. “Out, out out.” She was beginning to walk again but she felt hands on her wrists, firm but gentle.

“Clarke,” she heard Lexa say and slowly she came into focus. Her eyes was soaked with worry and concern, her eyes searching Clarke’s for any signs of a possible break down. “Please, tell me what is going on inside of your head.”

Clarke felt her body beginning to shake again and she couldn’t help but to close her hands again into tight fists, but only this time, it didn’t help. 

A sob broke its way out of her throat and before she new it she found herself pressed against the material of Lexa’s shirt.

“I never thought that I would see him again,” she sobbed and clung to her like she was her anchor, that Lexa was the only thing that kept her from breaking apart. “No after I saw him cheating on me. And why would my mother send after both of them? Isn’t one of them enough? Does she really hate me that much?” Her sobs interrupted her and the material of Lexa’s shirt was already soaked through with Clarke’s tears. 

But even though she had a broken heart who had yet had the time to fully heal, she wanted so badly for it to be hurting for  _ him.  _ Because while she cried into the soft material of Lexa’s shirt she came to a realization, her heart wasn’t  _ just  _ hurting for Finn, Finn just happened to be here right now that made her heart think that. No, she was hurting over her dad, the betrayal of her mother, the deaths of her friends and so much more. And when she realized that, she also realized that it was a very little part of her heart that actually hurt because of Finn anymore. 

Finn was just there, an excuse she could use. Because she had been hurt because of him before, but she didn’t love him anymore. She had Lexa now, so why was she acting like him coming back here was the ending of the world? After that thought, her tears changed and the shaking in her hands stopped. She took a deep breath and instead of holding onto Lexa like she was her lifeline, she circled her arms around her back and just hugged her.

“Thank you,” she whispered in her neck.

“For what?” Lexa confusedly asked.

“For just being you,” she mumbled and kissed her shoulder. “Sorry,” she added.

“Clarke, you do not have to be sorry. Though I am not completely sure of what you are sorry for.”

Clarke just sighed and hugged her tighter. If she let Finn and Raven, two people that she had actually put behind her, screw her up, her mother had won. And she would never let that happen.

“Come on,” she said after a while. “It’s sunday, which means pancakes to breakfast for you,” she joked and took a step back. “How do I look?”

Lexa looked at her with a puzzled face before she saw it softening. “You look beautiful,” she said with a soft voice. “As always.”

Clarke smiled at her and took her hand and took a deep breath.  _ Let’s go.  _

They walked together down to the cafeteria and after Lexa had gathered her pancakes and Clarke her cup of blood, they walked and sat down with the rest of her friends. Everything was normal until she felt Lexa tense up.

“What?” She asked and looked at her. Lexa’s figure had gone from being relaxed to really tense and the hand that still held Clarke’s had tightened its grip as if she was ready to push her behind herself. Clarke looked at her a moment before searching for the source. And when her eyes landed on the person who was also sitting at the table, she understood. Raven.

She rubbed a small circle on Lexa’s hand which drew her attention, but her eyes were still locked on Raven.

“Lexa, it’s fine.”

“What?”

“I’m okay, she can sit here.” That made Lexa look over at her. Her confusion was obvious, it could easily have been written in her forehead. Clarke smiled reassuring at her and then looked over at Raven.

“I’m sorry for this morning. I just wasn’t expecting to see you or him,” she said to Raven who looked equally as surprised and confused as Lexa. “I heard what you said, about not knowing either and breaking up with him and it made me realize that you had been played too, and you asked for my forgiveness,” she said and Raven’s eyes lit up. “You have it.”

A grin spread over Raven’s face and Clarke laughed when she heard Octavia’s applause.

“That’s how you do it Griffin,” she said, making everyone laugh with her. Clarke smiled at Raven before turning to Lexa who looked at her with a dreaming smile.

“What?”

“I am so proud of you,” she said and closed the distance between them and Clarke could only grin before Lexa’s lips collided with hers. It was slow and soft but yet determined and passionate, full of love and pride and admiration, saying everything Lexa couldn’t even form into words but it left Clarke just as speechless. When they broke away and leaned their foreheads together she hadn’t noticed it, but instead of applause she heard catcalls coming from around her. But she didn’t care, she just rolled her eyes because at the moment she was so full of love for Lexa and she was even proud at herself for proving her mother wrong, this hadn’t thrown her off balance. 

The only thing that they had to deal with now was who was the spy inside of their group, but that was a problem for later today when they trained, now they had to eat. It seemed like they had eaten less and less lately, somehow had other things always just popped up and if they wanted to be strong enough to fight a battle, they needed to eat to keep their strength up.

For once their breakfast seemed normal. Like it never changed. They were laughing and joking, talking about classes and training and the whole time Clarke held Lexa’s hand. And for once the big weight of their friends deaths didn’t clung to their shoulders like heavy stones, for once they felt free to just be happy.

* * *

 

“Lexa?” 

“Yes Clarke?”

“Do you ever miss the sunlight?”

They were sitting on the lawn after they had had breakfast by themselves, Clarke sitting against Lexa’s chest in between her legs while Lexa rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder. It felt so normal and  _ human  _ somehow that Clarke had to ask since Lexa actually could live in sunlight.

“Why do you ask?”

“I’m just saying that if I could live during the day, I would without a doubt.”

“Sometimes I wish for it,” she says and kissed Clarke’s shoulder. “But then I remember that I would not be here with you.” Clarke smiled.,

“So you would give up sunlight to be with me?” she turned her head a little to look into Lexa’s eyes eyes when she answered.

“Clarke, I would give up anything to be with you.” Lexa leaned down and captured Clarke’s lips with her own and Clarke sighed in content. This felt so right, like the two of them were meant for each other. Like Lexa had been the missing puzzlepeace to her puzzle. Clarke felt whole for the first time in a long time, like what she felt for Lexa and what Lexa felt for her filled her up and healed every wound inside of her. And suddenly Clarke realized something. How could she not have before? But if she thought about it, she had felt it ever since she laid her eyes upon her.

“Lexa?”

“Yes Clarke?”

“I love you.”

She heard Lexa suck in a sharp breath and when their eyes met, Lexa’s shone with emotion, they shone of love and hope and longing. Lexa closed the distance between them once more time but this time her lips said so much more than words could ever to. When they had to come up for air Lexa rested her forehead on Clarke’s and sighed content.

“I love you too.”


	16. AUTHOR'S NOTE

I have a question for you guys, and its really simple. 

DO YOU WANT ME TO CONTINUE THE STORY?

I know I have been absent a lot and that is because, well, firstly it was because of a ton a schoolwork, then it was because of anxiety and what not, then it was becuase I changed my studie program (I have no idea what it's called in english but I think you'll get the idea), and than it was because I had a lot of catching up to do with my stduies because they were already six weeks into the course and then I've moved and gotten two new families and blablabla... So you see, I haven't forgotten about this story, I've just had a lot on my plate, a lot more than I expected I would and I literally bow down to those who update every week. 

I am SO SORRY that I have been, let's be honest, shitty about updates. But sometimes when I do update I don't get comments and since I've never had really good confidence or any sort of respect for myself I've then thought that maybe my story was not very good or childish even, and I see now that I should have just been appreciating the comments I got and continued to write to them at least, even if it were just five people. To those five, I'm deeply sorry. And to all the others of you, I don't blame you for not commenting because I don't always either and I'm sorry.

So, the question remains, should I continue this story or not? If I should now would be a good time to do it because now I'm free of schoolwork for atleast six weeks so I would be able to update more and not rush through the chapters.

Comment your answer and depending on your responses over the coming days I will post the verdict of your choice.

Again, I'm sorry and if I do continue this story I will finish it within my deadline.

Yours sincerely,   
fantasycloud


	17. Danger Ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you for your responses, it really warms my heart that so many of you responded and that you like my writing. I've decided to continue, and I hope that this chapter will be just as good as the other because I've been working on this over a very long time.   
> Second, if you head to my instagram: @fuckjroth , and click on my latest post you will find that if you would like to send Alycia Debnam Carey a message I'm doing a book full of fan messages for her that I'm going to give to her in September when I'm attending Comic Con Copenhagen.   
> Well, I'll stop talking now.  
> Enjoy - fantasycloud

“So, listen up class. We have decided that, since there’s a ball coming up, that we will take a trip down to the mall on the weekend so that everyone can buy what they think they need and then head back up. How does that sound?”

They whooped and on everyone’s faces a smile was and even on some of the dhampir’s a smile could be seen. Clarke found Lexa’s eyes and smiled bigger when she saw that Lexa was amongst them who smiled. It’s been awhile since so many were happy and was in a good mood, so this field trip was definitely going to cheer everyone up. When the bell rang everyone chatted exitedly about it and when Clarke thought about it this would be the first time she left the school grounds since she got here.

“Well, what do you think?” Clarke asked exitedly when she met Lexa by the door and they made their way down to the library.

“I think that it is going to be nice getting out of here,” she answered truthfully and smiled when Clarke took Lexa’s hand in her own.

“Clarke you are making it extremely difficult for me to concentrate on being on the lookout if you keep distracting me like this.”

“Like what?” she asked innocently and brought their joined hands up and kissed Lexa’s knuckles. 

“You cannot fool me, I know what you are up to,” Lexa said and Clarke only laughed but leaned in anyways and kissed her cheek.

“I’m just trying to make my girlfriend smile.” Lexa’s smile grew and when she turned her head she catched Clarke’s lips with her own before continuing walking. Behind them she heard someone, probably Octavia, gag but Clarke just shook her head.

“So, will you be with us as a dhampir in training or as my girlfriend this weekend?”

“Both, sorry.”

“It’s fine. Besides, you’re sexy when you’re all dressed in black and protective.”

“Really?”

“Yes really,” Clarke laughes and kiss her one more time before turning forward. “I’ve never gone to one of these things before. Do we go in a group? Car, airplane?”

“We usually take the school’s black vans, they can hold about seven people or so. Two moroi and their dhampirs plus the driver and an extra dhampir for saftey meassures. So my guess is that ten of the van’s are heading out?”

“Okay.”

They headed down to the library and sat in their usual studygroup at the table by the big window where they saw all across campus and laid out their books. Clarke sat by O and Bellamy and across from Monty and, surprisingly, Raven. But, since Clarke didn’t mind her after hearing her story, everyone was okay with her being here. She even fit well into their group.

“Hey, asshole, stop staring at me.” Raven said it to Bellamy who hastily woke up from his day dreaming.

“Sorry, just thinking.”

“Think on your own free time,” Raven said and closed her book. “I’m bored.”

“Well, aren’t we all,” Clarke said and turned a page in her animal behaviour book. They had gotten a hundred pages to read in homework and she wasn’t even near done. 

“Are you guys always this serious?”

“Well,” Clarke started to say at the same time Octavia said: “No.” That made Raven laugh.

“Then why are you boring now?”

“Because,” Bellamy said and closed his book too. “With everything that’s happened recently,” he started off, but closed his mouth. He didn’t need to say anything else, everyone just understood.

“Yeah, I get that it was a horrible fight and that many died, but you didn’t so I just don’t get why you’re all mopey and sad.”

“We’re not!” Clarke said and closed her book too. “We’re doing things,” she vaugley said and looked at the others. They hadn’t decided yet if they should tell her, but it would become really difficult to hide it from her in the weekend when everyone they knew would be in the gym, training.

“Things? What  _ things?”  _

“Just things,” Clarke snapped and opened her book again. “Look, can you just concentrate? Some of us are trying to graduate.”

“Not me, I’ve already done that.”

“What?” Came as a chorus from everyone else, but Raven just rolled her eyes.

“Yes dumbasses. Why else would I be here, waisting my time with you?”

“Gee, thanks,” Octavia said, but she asked anyway. “What have you specialized in?”

“Fire,” she said and raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Nothing, it would’ve been fun to see if you were like us.”

“Like you? Why, what did you specialize in?”

“Spirit,” they all answered at once.

“Cool,” Raven said and sat a little straighter up in her chair. “So can you like, heal people and stuff?”

“Well, yeah,” Clarke said and closed her book for the second time.

“Great, then you wouldn’t mind healing me?”

“Well, no of course not but you’re not-,” Clarke started to say, but when Raven clawed at her own arm, making her blood drip she almost got out of her chair and she shouted: “What the hell are you doing?! Are you insane?”

“Shhh,” Raven said and just held out her arm. “I just want to see you heal it.”

Clarke looked at her a second before grabbing her arm. She closed her eyes and viziualized the healing process, how the wound became whole, and just like that she felt the magic flowing through her system and when she heard Raven gasp, she knew that it had worked.

“Wow,” she said and looked astonished at her arm. “Back at my school no one specialized in spirit. There were barely any water users.”

In the mist of Clarke almost screaming at Raven and healing her arm she hadn’t noticed Lexa who had run up to her side.

“Clarke,” she said and touched her arm, making her jump in the process. “Sorry,” she said but looked her in the eye. “Is everything okay here?”

“Yes,” Clarke said and held her hand over Lexa’s. “Yes, sorry, it’s just Raven here who’s decided that she’s suicidal. But I’m fine.”

Lexa regarded Raven and gave her what looked like a warning stare and then at Clarke one last time before returning to her previous position. Clarke looked her way before sitting down, feeling a lot cooler when she’d been near her.

“Oh good God you two are disgusting,” Raven said and fake gagged. Clarke just rolled her eyes. “No, I mean it. I’ve been here, like, what? I don’t even know how long I’ve been here and  _ I  _ think that you are annoying. That must tell you something.”

“Yes,” Clarke said and smiled. “That you’re jealous of our love.” She heard Lexa laugh and saw Raven roll her eyes.

“Whatever. And how can you like her? She’s so… Well, you know.”

“I’v got my reasons,” she answered, not bothered telling her why she liked Lexa, that was ehr buissness.

They spent another hour at the library before heading out to the cafeteria to eat dinner, or, as Raven called it, “Slurp dinner”, and then back to the library.

“Oh come on, not that place again?” Raven exclaimed and looked at them as if she couldn’t believe her eyes.

“Well yes, we still have homework left-” But Monty broke off seeing as Raven just shook her head and walked away in the opposite direction. When Raven was out of sight, nearly all of them let out a breath.

“Okay, now that she’s gone, what should we do about her?” O looked at everyone else and when no one answered she said in a hushed whisper: “Well, we’ve all been thinking it! Should we tell her?”

They had stopped just behind a bookshelf and because of their unusual behaviour Lexa and Lincoln joined them, leaving Bellamy’s dhampir, Niylah, to do the guarding. 

“Clarke?” Lexa said and Clarke didn’t need to hear her question to answer it. “We’re just discussing weather or not to trust Raven. What do you suggest?” 

“Raven? She has not posed as a threat or a danger, but only tell her if you are certain,” she added. Clarke nodded and turned to Lincoln who nodded to what Lexa had said.

“I mean, yeah, she seems trustworthy, and she would make a nice asset to us, we don’t have that many fire users in our group.” To that everyone nodded and it was like his words had decided it for them.

“Well then, we can tell her after we’ve gone shopping. I wonder which dhampir she’ll get tomorrow,” Octavia said and, surprisingly, Lexa answered.

“I heard Echo saying that she was going, and she could really need it seeing as… Well, you know,” Lexa said and veryone understood. Maya. They stood in silence for a while before they noticed that they were blocking the entrance to a study room.

“Hey Clarke!” She heard a voice say and she looked up and saw Harper, a girl she’d come to know a few weeks back in training. She’s specialized in earth so they don’t se much of each other but she had found the girl very nice and instantly took a liking to her. Her guardian, Legacie, had as all of the other guardian, very visible tattoos who stretched in patterns down her arms and appearded to go down her back. Lexa and Legacie nodded in each other’s direction and stood beside their moroi’s, waiting for them to finish their talking. This was also something that was included in their field experience, to be in the background and wait patientally on their assigned moroi to finish his or her’s buisness.

“Hi Harper, are you exited to go shopping?”

“Yes, it’s been so long since I got out of this place so it will be nice for a change, but I also heard the teachers talking the other day and they said that since the battle, you know, we lost some people, so today around dinnertime about five or so new dhampir’s will arrive. Exciting, huh?”

“Yes,” said Clarke and looked over at Lexa. “Did you know that more dhampirs are coming?”

“Oh yes, and it’s more than five, more like twenty. The school has requested increased protection so that what happened a few weeks ago won’t happen again.”

“Oh,” both Harper and Clarke said, “Okay, well that’s good. But okay, see you later tomorrow then?”

“Yes,” Harper said and waved and continued into the studyroom where the rest of her group had already entered with Legacie trailing after her.

Clarke stands still a moment after she left, and stared out of the window. She can feel a lumb of knots forming in her chest, she can feel the uneasiness creeping up on her.  _ Twenty new dhampir’s.  _ She swallows. She doesn’t want to think about that horrible turn that that day took, she doesn’t want to think about Wells, Maya or Anya or any of the others. She doesn’t want to feel the guilt pouring into her soul, filling her every heartbeat, pulsating through her body like poison. 

If she were honest with herself, she would just like to forget.

But she can’t.

Because if she forgot, who would remember? Who would be the face of a revoulution so dangerous, so vital for survival? She took a breath and felt how it rattled all the way down to her lungs, making her sound hollow and empty. She started to ache all over when she felt a hand upon her shoulder.

“Come on,” Lexa murmured, and led Clarke out of the building. She sighed. She didn’t want to be a victim, but times like now she knew that in this time, she was. But maybe she had a right to be. Terrible things had happened to her and even more terrible things were to come, if she didn’t feel what she felt, what would she be now? A monster? Something soulless? She didn’t know, but for that she was glad. She would rather have her emotions rather then becoming her mother.

“I’m sorry,” she said with a heavy sigh to Lexa when they got out amongst the stardressed sky. “It’s just…”

“I know,” Lexa said with an equally heavy sigh and rubbed her hand slowly on her back.

They sat down in silence on a bench on the grass and looked out over the miles of nature before them, feeling the cool night breeze and the quiet rustle of the leaves. It was soothing, Clarke admitted. Looking up at the sky and seeing the white light of the moon and gazing at the stars had a calming affect on her because of its beauty, and with Lexa there it made her feel safe. Safe from the future, safe from her mother. Safe from the world.

“I love you, you know that right?” Clarke whispered and looked at her, and found her eyes waiting. She didn’t need an answer. Because in Lexa’s eyes all of her shone. Her eyes shone of the light around her, they shimmered in a turqoise moistre, and she felt overwhelmed with her love. She turned her head to their hands who lay intertwined in Lexa’s lap and lay her head gently down on Lexa’s warm shoulder. She could feel the other girl sigh and how her lips touched her hair.

“And I love you,” she heard Lexa whisper back.

 

“Okay, every cleared moroi can take a seat with their assigned dhampir in the vans now!” 

They stood in blinding sunlight the following morning forming a line on the grass. A guardian was at the front and checked the students of trying to smuggle out stuff that could by accident reveal the vampire race to the humans.

“No, I’m sorry but that will have to stay here,” she heard the voice of a male say as he threw away a book into a box behind it.

“But it’s only a goddamned book,” she heard a voice say.

“Yes, but it’s a book about our history. You’re cleared, take a seat in one of the vans. Next!”

Clarke and Lexa stood in the middle of the line and evrywhere you looked you could see a wide yawn. For them this was a few hours into their night so they all were a bit tired, but you could also feel the excitement in the air. Clarke had found it rather difficult to stop looking at Lexa, she was so used to seeing her in only the pale light of the moon so that when she saw how the sun made her hair more light than dark, her eyes more green than grey and her skin more radiant than just a shadow she found herself wondering how a goddess like Lexa could’ve possibly fallen for someone like herself. She looked pale in comparisment to her.

“Lovebirds, wake up it’s your turn!”

Clarke blinked and it was indeed their turn. A pink shade had erupted over Lexa’s cheeks but Clarke just laughed and stepped further and let the guardian look into her bag, which had nothing in it except money, and was handed it back with a smile.

“Go on, next!”

The went and sat in an empty van that was closest to them, but only for half a second longer because then Monroe and her dhampir, Skylar, jumped in.

“Hi guys,” they greeted each other, but then they fell into separate conversations.

“How long does this trips usuallt take?” Clarke asked Lexa and turned a little in her seat so that she was facing Lexa.

“Well, it takes en hour to get there, then, well, it depends on how much time we’ll need. We won’t go until everyone’s in the van.”

“Right.” Clarke was litterally jumping in her seat like a child now, she longed for a change of scenery, longed to step inside a mall and be able to just go and look. That was almost as fun as trying on dresses and sweaters, but just almost. Suddenly someone slapped the back of the van and the engine spun to life, and they were off. But something strange occured to her as well. Legacie was in the car.

“Legacie, where’s Harper?”

“Oh, she said that she’d rather stay home and study so I was asked to come as an extra guardian.” Both Lexa and Skylar grunted. “Fine, extra Guardian  _ in training.  _ Big difference,” she muttered and Clarke laughed.

“Are you going to the prom to?”

“Yes, I am. It’s going to be nice, to just dance.” Everyone nodded in agreement. 

They talked, and talked and talked so when the van started gaining speed, they all thought that they had hit the motorway. They laughed and missed the sound of the roaring engine, thinking that that’s just an ordinary sound a van make. But when Clarke looked out the back window, she knew something was wrong.

“Lexa, were are the other cars?” Lexa froze and flung her head around so fast Clarke were afraid that she snapped her neck. She stared out the window a few seconds and then turned to look at Clarke, and then she knew instantly that something was wrong. At Lexa’s worrying, the other three had become silent and the two other dhampir’s acted the same as Lexa did, they looked upon the moroi.

“ _ Dammit _ ,” Lexa swore under her breath and turned to the other two dhampirs, and then Legacie turned to the driver.

“Hey man, maybe we should slow down and wait for the other vans, we have to go in a group,” But the man that was driving acted as if nobody had spoken him, which confirmed everyone’s thoughts.

“Where are you taking us?” Lexa demanded, and Clarke almost shrunk down in her seat. Lexa’s voice had only sounded like that one other time, and that was when her mother’s plan had come to the surface. Clarke and Monroe shared a look and then looked back upon their source of comfort: their dhampirs. But one scary thought came to Clarke’s mind: _ They were only guardians in traning. _

They may be capable of fighting, but now they were alone in a car and no idea of where they were going and their lives were possibly in danger. And their only protection they had were three guardians in training. Suddenly Clarke became very glad of the past weeks of training she’d gotten from Lexa. She looked at Lexa and a second Lexa looked upon her, and she could see the seriousness and the danger and the reality of the situation clearly in her eyes. She swallowed.

She felt Lexa’s hand on her thigh. “We’re going to get out of this,” she said soothing. Her instinct told her to crawl up into a ball and hide behind the tall and strong dhampirs, but she only held her head up higher and nodded at Lexa with determination. He nodded back and squeezed her thigh once more before looking at Skylar and Legacie. She tried the driver again.

“Were are you taking us?” This time she got an answer, but Clarke wondered if they had been better off being without one.

“Somewhere you won’t be able to fight your way out of.” 


	18. We Know No Light Here Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, chapter 18! I decided to split the chapter in two parts because I realised that what I wanted to write would be far too long, but I hope you like it!
> 
> Enjoy! - fantasycloud

Clarke grasped Lexa’s hand and closed her eyes. She couldn’t believe that this was happening. This was the one thing that she’d thought would bring them joy, not death. She had longed for this trip, for a chance to feel normal again, even if it was just for a couple of hours. To be a nomal girl and not the queen of anything. But apparently being a moroi and a queen made that impossible.

She felt Lexa squeeze her hand back, hard, and Clarke sighed. She opened her eyes and looked at Lexa. In her eyes Clarke could see visible fear. She swallowed. If Lexa was afraid, she should feel ten times worse. She squeezed back. But fear wasn’t the only thing she saw in her eyes, thank the gods, she saw determination, anger, protectivness, love and everything in between. She just hoped that this wasn’t the last look they shared that was this intense. That thought made her squeeze Lexa’s hand even harder.

They travelled for hours. The sun began to set. The last of the sun’s light made the landscape around them bathe in golden green light and made Clarke’s hair golden, even through the darkened window. Being in the sun all day, Clarke felt tired. It drained her more than anything else, and that plus no blood made her a little dizzy. Just before the sun disappeared down in the trees the driver finally drove off the highway and onto a much smaller road that Clarke doubted had been used recently. It looked so… Old. Ancient.

But of course, if it were strigoi they were to face, ancient might be a fitting word. After all, strigoi were immortal if not killed in battle.

They had tranied with wodden stakes during their training sessions. They had each gotten a wodden stake and a practice dummy and tried to drive it into the dummy’s heart, but the dummy had at the time seemed to been made of rock, it had been impossible to penetrate. When Lexa had demonstrated, it looked like it had been made of cotton, but she had done it much more gracefully than any other of the dhampir’s. Back then Clarke was proud of her. Now she was still proud, but the thought of only Lexa had been able to drive her real silver stake in a  _ dummy’s  _ heart made her doubt their odds even more.

If they were able to escape, which sounded just as likely as if she were to say that she could breathe without oxygen, how where they supposed to fight  _ real  _ strigoi? And how would they all make it out alive?

When they had travelled an hour on the small road the car stopped. Clarke should be on her toes, looking for every possible door and getaway roote, but she was so tired. Her muscles were shaking and her eyelids were drooping. She looked at Monroe and saw the exact same thing, visible tiredness and exhuastion. She nodded at her, wanting Monroe to catch her message, and to Clarke’s joy, she nodded back. But the next second their doors were ripped open and they were all dragged out backwards.

She could hear as if from a haze how Lexa screamed. She could see as through a mist how she fought. In the background she could see similiar things with two other figures, Skylar and Legacie. She had no idea were Monroe was. She forced her eyes open one last time to search for her, but then the world became black.

 

When she came around it wasn’t as you see it in the movies or read in a book. In a movie they make it look pretty, of how their eyes slowly open and they, as if they’ve been drenched in cold water, jump up from their laying position. In a book they dramatazsize it, you can read of how the protagonist is in agony, of how their eyes slowly open to wake to a horrible tomorrow.

When Clarke opened her eyes, she could feel the lump on her head. Around her hung her hair, covered in blood. She was bound to a chair with her hands uncomfortably behind her back, they pained her at their sockets. She breathed out and felt that her lip was sore. She tried to open her eyes but it was as if they weighed a ton. Okay so her face was pretty banged up, but was her body? She tried moving her legs, but she noticed through a crack of her eyelids that her thighs where bound to the chair to so they wouldn’t budge. She sighed.

She heard a scream. She jerked her head up even though it ached as if someone had stuck a knife into it. But she had to. That was not  _ someone’s  _ scream. She knew that voice. She had found safety and solace in that voice. That voice had talked softly in her ear until she fell asleep. That voice had told her that it loved her.  _ Lexa. _

She jerked her body against her restraints, but only felt a burning pain in her chest. She huffed. Ribs broken. These kidnappers were smart, injuring her so much so that it would be increasingly difficult for her to break loose. But what they didn’t know of was her power.  _ They don’t know I can heal,  _ she thought. That was the only hope in a tunnel of darkness. Her guiding light. 

But could she do it without her hands? She had never tried it before, never needed to because, you always had hands, right? Such a joke. But she had no time to dwell on that now. She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes. She concentrated. But what to heal first? Her eyes? Her head? Her ribs?  _ Work your way up,  _ she heard Lexa’s voice in her head say. Clarke smiled. Lexa had said that to her one day she had had a particularly hard day at training.

 

_ “Ugh I give up!” Clarke threw her hands up in the air and then as forcefully as she could she threw away her protective gloves. “This is never going to work, I can’t do it!” _

_ She stalked away from the ring where she left an equally confused and angered Lexa, but right now she didn’t care. She was fuming. She had never felt this useless here before, how could she even become a decent queen if she couldn’t even through a goddamned punch? But Lexa, yeah, she just ranted the same things over and over again.  _ Again.  _ Again. Again. Eventually she would scream at her in response, and her punches became more and more unfocused, unbalanced and without a target.  _

_ She strode fast up the green hill and wandered straight into the dark feild. She knew they weren’t supposed to be here, because here was a place where the school’s guardians didn’t see from the watchtower, but Clarke was so angry that she didn’t even notice where she was going. She just went. Until she heard a twig snap. _

_ Too late she recognized the sound and she whirled around just to be connected with Lexa’s frame so forcefully that she slammed to the ground.  _

_ She groaned and put a hand up to her head where she felt a bump begin to emerge, but she healed it in a second. The seconds after that she raised her gaze too look into her lover’s eyes. She stood directly above her, but not with an irritated look upon her face, only an amuzing one. _

_ “What?” she growled and began to stand, but only to be stopped, but this time by Lexa’s knee on her chest. She had moved so fast that Clarke hadn’t even see her change position, yet here she was, sitting with one knee lightly on her chest and the other placed beside her with her hands on either side of her head. Her face was only a few centimeters from her own, and Clarke found herself having difficulty swallowing. _

_ “You remind me of myself, Clarke,” she says and Clarke hates how her name sounds from Lexa’s lips. She was supposed to be angry with her, instead she could feel how warmth began to spread between her legs.  _

_ “Yeah but you can throw a goddamned punch,” Clarke grumled, but Lexa’s smile widened. She leaned in and Clake could hear her own breath being drawn. _

_ “Yes but you forget, I have trained since I was two. You think that after a few months you’ll have the strenght and experience to overpower me, someone who has trained a lifetime longer than you? Have patience, Clarke,” she says and nudges her nose with her own. “And work your way up.” _

Clarke’s mind was flooded with that memory and for a while, she lived in it. She felt Lexa’s touches, she felt how the sweat ran off of her forehead down on the gym floor. She sighed. Okay, work your way up. What did she have to do for her first step towards recovory?

Head.

She visiulized it in her mind, concentrating every part of her body on the heeling process and willed the magic to flow through her body, and at first, nothing happened. But she closed her eyes and tried to feel its power flowing through her veins, running with her blood through every vein and artery in her existence. Suddenly she felt it. She felt its warmth and she nearly cried out in relief. But what surprised her was its strength. When she felt that it was still building, she closed her eyes more tightly than before and tried to search her body, but suddenly it felt like she exploded. Her body arched and she felt the chains melt away around her. She didn’t dare open her eyes because even though she had them closed a bright light filled her vision. She felt herself rising from the floor and how the magic,  _ her magic,  _ every bit of pain away from her body. 

When she felt herself being lowered down to the floor again, she opened he eyes. There was no extreme meassure being necassery to be able to open her eyes, they felt normal. She touched her stomach, and she felt how her ribs where whole. And for the first time since they heard that uttered sentence in that car, she laughed.

She laughed so hard that her stomach hurt, but a good hurt this time. From her eyes rivers ran down her cheeks, but she didn’t care. She was free. Free from injuries and free from restraints. She was  _ free.  _

But when that laughter finally sang its last notes, fear seeped in like a sea, sweping her emotions of happiness out of the way to sear into her heart with full force. She didn’t even have time to catch her breath.

She looked around and exept her now shattered stool there was nothing exept a windowless door. Her cell was relatively small, she could touch either walls if she stretched out her arms in the middle. But that didn’t help her much. She walked around in her confinement, stroking its cold grey cement walls with her hands until they were covered in dust and her nails were sharpened to max. She walked around that she built a path in the earthpacked groundbeneath her. She walked until something happened.

And eventually, it did. 

She heard someone at the other side of her door. She stopped her movements and hugged the wall. She tried to focus on the door, but since the loss of bloodintake that made it very hard for her gaze to focus. Her muscles had begun trembling long ago, but amazingly she hadn’t gotten tired when her magic showed her its hidden powers. No, that moment had given her strentgh. Weirdly.

A key was turned in her doors lock and before she knew it, a figure stepped in and the door closed behind her. 

She was tall and her skin was sickly pale. And around her eyes a circle of red surrounded her pupil. 

That lone detail made Clarke press against the back of the wall, becausen she had been taught since birth to hate these creatures.

_ Strigoi. _

But the woman just smiled a smile without joy.

“Yes that is the rather common reaction I recieve these days,” she said so camly that Clarke became surprised. When her eyes had adjusted to this new form, she could make out more details. 

She was wearing a coat made of animal furrs, it looked handmaid. It was strung together by leather strings and around her legs there where straps upon straps bound. Her hair was wildly curly, she could see this even though it was tied back and even though it was no light in her room, she could see the color of her eyes. They were icy blue.

“Who are you?” Clarke croaked out, and her smile stretched further and ignored her question.

“I know much about you, Clarke Dragomir, elected queen at st Vladimir’s Academy where you study with your friends, Octavia, Bellamy, Monty, Jasper and, excuse me, _studied_ with Maya. There you are protected by some of the school’s dhampir’s in traning, Lincoln, Roan, Nilyah. Lexa…” Clarke’s fists tightened. She noticed this and laughed. “Oh yes, your _dearest_ Lexa. We know all about you. Did you really think you could train in secret?” Her laugh grew in volume. “And hide from _me_? Oh no, that’s where you are wrong. I mean, how could _any_ information escape me, _the_ _Ice Queen_?”

That word rang in Clarke’s ears. Ice queen. But it rang no bells. How had she never heard of it before? But the queen, unnaware of Clarke’s distantness, continued.

“Yes, tragic really. That same idea seemed to be circulating her previous obsession. What was her name again, Cecilia?” She put a finger to her temple. “Ah, yes. Miss Costia Crewe.” That name jolted Clarke out of her thoughts. 

“What did you say?” she said, horrified. The queen saw this and a more colder smile grew on her face. Oh, now Clarke got it. The  _ Ice  _ queen. Right. 

“Yes, you recognize that, don’t you? Well, she had to be eluminated, that girl knew far too much for her own age, she should have thanked me, really.”

Clarke started shaking. “Thanked you? You cut off her head!” 

She became quiet. “Careful now,” she said with a tone soft as needles. “You might want to reconsider who you are talking to.” But Clarke was to angry to make rational decisions.

“Yeah, and maybe its  _ you  _ who should reconsider who  _ you’re  _ talking with.” She held her head high and didn’t think about that the Ice queen where about a head taller than herself, she only cared about that even though it was slim, she was someone with power. And hearing her talking about this, something that had literally destroyed Lexa, made her so furious.

“I came because I need something that will make an excellent weapon. Now, should I knock you out or do you come willingly?”

Clarke paused for a second before deciding. “Willingly.” The queen nodded and knocked on the door who swung open behind her.

“Then come along,” she said and walked out of the room, and Clarke willed her legs to follow her through the dark tunnels. Clarke had been grateful for some light, but knowing that strigoi would catch on fire if they ever got sunlight on their body, Clarke doubted that wish would be granted here.

They walked for about a minute before stopping infront of a door. Since there were no windows inside, she knew she couldn’t possibly know who was behind that door until it was opened, which gave her little to no time to prepare herself for the sight that might greet her. But she took a deep breath and stepped through them once they opened.

And she nearly fainted at the sight infront of her.


	19. We Know No Light Here Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everyone's patience with this story, it's really appreciated! In light of that, here's one major (storywise) and long awaited chapter for you ;)
> 
> (And btw, I have not read this through so there may (will) be a few spelling and/or grammar mistakes seeing as english is not my first language, but I hope you'll see past that and enjoy it anyway)
> 
> Enjoy! - fantasycloud :)

Clarke’s heart hammered in her chest, ready to beat its way out of her body any second. It felt as if her breathing had slowed, as if time had ceased excisting. Around her cold swept around her, cloaking her, submerging her underwater and clenching its icy hand over her heart. She gasped, but the noise sounded hollow in her ears.

She couldn’t think, not when the most horrible sight was infront of her.

Legacie, Skylar and Monroe was bound to wooden chairs, each chair stood a meter from its neighbour, and behind them… Clarke swallowed. Behind each of her friends stood a strigoi with dead red eyes, wild with hunger. She could already see bruising puncture wounds so she guessed that they were pretty out of it, and for that she was actually relieved. If they got out of here, they wouldn’t remember much.

Around her time stopped. The Ice Queen stood to her right, frozen with a icy smile on her face, and Clarke’s feet was glued to the ground. She couldn’t move, she didn’t dare too. She didn’t want the time to resume. 

“I thought that it would be fitting to have this conversation here,” she said and tilted her head to her side as if she was examing Clarke’s body languge. Maybe she was, Clarke didn’t care. She clenched and unclenched her jaw, tightened and untightened her fists. She could feel her face working, her eyes must be flashing. These were her friends, her people. The ones she was supposed to protect. Why was that the one thing she kept failing at?

“What conversation,” Clarke said lowly and slowly turned to meet her cold gaze. Anger burned in her chest, fear trembled in her stomach and flight fought in her limbs. A war raged within her, but now only one remained victoriuos. The one part of her that didn’t have flight as an option, didn’t even consider fear and had no intention of fight. Because there only determination remained, and that easily defeated all of those. Her head.

The queen stepped up infront of her and lowered her gaze so that she was looking directly into Clarke’s eyes. “Abandon your little rebellion, stop acting like you were queen and drop your thoughts of leading this population.”

At first, before what she had said, Clarke thought that she was funny. She was about to say, ‘yeah right, and then you can stop being a strigoi’, but the words died in her throat. She saw the seriousness in her eyes, but she had to ask anyway.

“You’re not serious?”

“Oh, believe me,” she said with a threatening tone. “I am  _ very  _ serious.”

Clarke just looked at her. “Do you suspect me to just abandon my people? Abandon those who have put their faith in me, abandom the plans of ridding this country of a queen who is filled with hatred? You don’t know me as well as you say you do.” Clarke’s tone matched the queen’s, but there the similarities stopped. In the Ice Queen’s eyes, hatred glowed. In Clarke’s, determination shown.

“So you mean that you are planning to lead a mass of our kind, through miles of land, to your own mother’s gate, and what? Through some punches at her guards? You are seventeen years old, you silly girl.”

Clarke hated that her words bore some truth in them, but she refused to do as the queen said. She had faith. “No,” she said with such strenght that the queen raised her eyebrows. “No, I do not plan on doing that. I plan on leading my people, people who believe and trust me, to follow me through whatever we face. I will lead my people through my mother’s gates and make my mother surrender and for her to be put in jail, and I plan on giving my people a chance of freedom. All of my people.”

She went quiet for a second, then happened the worst thing yet. “Well, then I just have to show you what happenes when I’m not being obeyed. Caris!” She said loudly and the strigoi in the middle, the one that stood behind Monroe, smiled the most crucial smile Clarke had ever witnessed, before he bent over frame and attached his lips, his fangs, to Monroe’s neck. 

Clarke had only taken a step forward with a scream ready to burst in her throat when a force so great hit her from behind that she was knocked to the floor. Her scream was cut off and she looked up from the dirty ground on the scene that was unfolding before her eyes. The strigoi, Caris, had attached his hands to either sides of Monroe so that she would stay upright and drank her blood so thirstily that Clarke was sure he believed that he wouldn’t see some again for a very long time. Monroe’s eyes where glassy, she didn’t even register what was happening to her because of a previous feeding she recognize, on the other side of her neck was previous puncture holes. All three of them were drugged.

Too soon Clarke watched with tears in her eyes how Monroe’s head lolled forward like a rag dolls and how the strigoi slowly stood straight again, wiping a trail of blood running down his chin.

_ No… _

Monroe, sweet Monroe, was gone. Dead. Never to laugh or smile or cry ever again. Now just a body remained in front of her, a shell that once hosted a great soul. One that Clarke would never forget. It felt as if she was suffocating. As if all of the air had been cut off and she was left, like a fish on land. She saw the reality before her through a cloud of a shimmering substance and it was as if her brain couldn’t take it all in at once, as if it already tried to glorify what just happened.

But that was impossible, she was dead.

Clarke slowy raised her head and locked eyes with Nia. Her face was glowing, as if she’d already won. As if she’d finally put Clarke in her place, showed her that no one could overpower her. Well, if she’d thought that she was terribly wrong. Clarke felt something change within her.  _ Never _ . 

So she slowly raised herself from the floor and ignore the pain at the back of her head. Every second she kept her eyecontact with the queen, never wanting to let her see any sort of weakness. Because Nia doesn’t know of how great her mistake just was. Of how now she’d just ensured herself that she would be fighting Clarke and her army forever, a war without end.

“I will never bow before you, I don’t care what you’ll do. You can even kill me, but you will never demand me or my people to do something. Ever.”

Seconds passed, but it felt like hours. Clarke watched how the queen’s eyes turned from victorious to murderous. She watched how her jaw clenched shut and how she closed her hands into crushing fists, probably with so much force that would easily break Clarke’s bones. She watched how Nia lived up to her reputation of a cold rutheless ruler, but Clarke didn’t back down. She stood just as straight, just as proud as the queen before her. 

“Are you sure that this decision is wise?” Her tone was ice cold, but Clarke didn’t miss a beat.

“Yes.”

“Well then,” Nia said and turned her head and nodded to the extra guard at the door and then back at Clarke. “I am forced to show you what happens to people who don’t follow my words.” She then raised her voice. “Bring her in!”

The door opened and Clarke’s blood froze to ice even before she registered the queen’s words. Because in came Lexa, beaten, bloody and broken. They dragged in her body between them, as if she was nothing. It was lifeless, hanging limb in the guards arms. The only visible sign that she was alive was the small motion of her ribcage moving and her exhuasted expression her face demonstrated even though she appeared unconcious.. When the guards reached Nia’s presence they dropped her onto the floor, causing Lexa to grunt. Clarke had silently prayed that Lexa had been unconcious, but none her her whishes today had come true so it didn’t really surprise her that she was wrong, but she couldn’t help the strangled sound that escaped her own lips.

Clarke could barely breathe, Lexa, her Lexa, who always was so strong and so alive, now lay beaten and broken by the feet of her greatest enemy. Clarke could barely look at the sight but at the same time she couldn’t tear her eyes away from her, her body already straning to heal her lover from any pain she must be feeling.

“You see Clarke,” Nia coninued, not giving Clarke any time to recover with a revengeful smile on her lips. She knew exactly what she was doing to her. “No one disobeys my commands. So I’m going to make this simple. Either you surrender, or I kill your dear  _ Lexa  _ and every last one of your so called people. So, which one is it?”

Clarke’s mind was in chaos. It was like a civil war had broken out in Clarke’s body between her head and her heart. 

Clarke could not exist without Lexa.

Clarke could not exist in a world where her mother was queen. Neither could her people.

The choice was evident, but she refused to even think the thought. She could, she  _ would,  _ never make that decision. Never. But at the same time, she had to. She closed her eyes, but that only made her heart ache more. She saw Lexa’s smile. She heard her laugh. She felt her touch. How could she say that she must choose her people? How could she say that she did not choose Lexa? Her soulmate? 

She opened her eyes again and was startled when she found Lexa’s green eyes looking right back at her. And that was all it took. Just one look, and the decision was done. Because she said everything that Clarke couldn’t, held every truth that Clarke was too afraid to admit and knew every choice that had to be done. She knew that if she saved Lexa instead of her people, Lexa would never forgive her. She knew that everything that they’d worked for would’ve been for nothing. She knew that their love was not worth thousands of deaths. They had already been through that once, they had barely lived through that.

But this was  _ Lexa.  _ She was the girl who had caught her eye on her very first day with her bright green eyes and her little braids showered in her hair. She was the girl who came to her defense, who protected her and loved her before they had even uttered a word to each other. She was the one who had made her feel safe with a simple touch, made her feel loved with a single sentence, made her feel special with just one look.

How could she say that she basically would choose to kill her?

But Lexa’s eyes were strong and hard, so Clarke nodded.

“I won’t do that.” She thought her voice would waver, that somehow it would reveal her devastation, but it was steady. Strong. It did not sound as if just moments ago she had broken her own heart.

“Well,” Nia said slowly and raised her head. “Then you have left me no choice.” 

What happened next happened so fast that Clarke wasn’t even sure that it happened at all. In a flash Nia had raised Lexa’s body from the floor to a half standing, half laying position in her arms, and had her lips attached to Lexa’s throat. Lexa’s eyes barely had time to look surprised, but Clarke definetively saw the other part. Her drifting away. But the Ice Queen didn’t just drink her blood. No, when she had been in that position for about two seconds she took a whole chunk of Lexa’s flesh between her teeth from her neck and bit down so hard so that Lexa’s beautiful neck got sprayed with blood, creating a wound bigger than Clarke’s hand. After that it only took seconds for Lexa’s eyes to go from shocked, to still. 

A scream was heard, it may have been her own, but at this point Clarke wasn’t sure about anything anymore. She was barely acknowledging the searing pain that came from her knees from where they had landed with the force of her full bodyweight on the dirtpacked floor, but why would she?

Lexa was dead.

When Nia seemed sure that the girl in her arms where dead, she tossed her onto the floor as if she were nothing, and looked at Clarke.

With gleaming red eyes and blood dripping from her chin, she stepped closer to Clarke. “This is what happens when people don’t follow my orders. I will arrange an attack on your people, so enjoy your last days on earth.” With that she strode out of the room, leaving Clarke on her knees in the dirtyfilled dungeon.

At first only silence filled the small room. But then a strangled sob escaped from Clarke’s lips and she found herself crawling towards her one great love on all fours and craddling her head in her lap. She softly stroked her head and closed her eyes while slowy rocketing foreward and backwards and pretended not to notice the tears that feel into the girl’s hair.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed and clutched her harder. She found her hand laying beside her and grabbed that to the point where she knew that she had to be breaking the other girl’s bones.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” 

She lifted more of her body up in her arms and buried her head into her chest. She inhaled her scent and Clarke almost choked to death on all the emotions that welled up inside of her because of it. It reminded her of late night cuddling, boring study sessions, sweatfilled traning hours, making out early in the morning, their now shared bed, Lexa’s hair right after she’d showered. 

It reminded her of  _ love. _

The sounds that came out of her mouth sounded loud and broken, shattered all over the place, the small space making them echo and grow in volyme. They were heartwrenching, so maybe that’s why she didn’t hear the first tiny gasp from the woman beneath her.

But she definetively felt it when the girl took her first breath again.

Clarke froze. She raised her head up in a flash and had her eyes locked on a dead stare onto Lexa’s chest. After a few seconds Clarke thought that she’d imagined it and began to look away again, it rose again. And with that came a cough and green eyes.

“Oh my god,” came out of Clarke’s mouth before she could stop herself and threw herself over Lexa’s body, hugging her so tight before she remembered what she just went through and quickly let go, but careful when she lowered her back onto her lap. 

“Clarke?” Lexa said, and Clarke got to hang on for dear life not to let out a sob. Lexa blinked her eyes open and found Clarke’s almost immideately, her eyes a little foggy, but still hers. Clarke's heart broke again.

“Yeah,” Clarke said, her voice thick with emotion and her face stained with tears.

Clarke let her hand carefully cup the side of Lexa’s face, just to make sure that she was real, and when she felt Lexa’s facial muscles stretch into a small smile, Clarke couldn’t hold in her sobs anymore. She let out three quick ones before slowly pulling her up for the most gentle kiss possible, only really nudging her lips with Lexa’s before pulling them away again, afraid that she would break.

Lexa smiled and gripped the hand that was still holding her face as strong as she could, but a teeny frown in her forehead appeared a second later.

“What happened?” 

But Clarke could only smile.

“A miracle.”


	20. Rescued

_ You’re alive. _

The thought went on and on in Clarke’s head as she held onto Lexa as tight as she could.

_ You’re alive. You’re alive, you’re alive, you’re alive, you’re alive. _

It just went on and on. Like a never stopping turning wheel in her head. Like a storm that wouldn’t cease in intensity, nor force. It was so powerful that if she had been standing, she would’ve been knocked to the ground. If she hadn’t been holding onto Lexa, she would’ve blown away. 

It was as if the shock hadn’t quite subsided yet as if her brain couldn’t quite grasp what just had happened. It was as if a God of some sort had come down, or maybe it was an angel by their side, watching over them. Clarke had read about some moroi who had specialized in spirit that could bring people back from the brink of death, but up until now, that had only seemed like a fairytale.

“Clarke…” She heard Lexa say quietly in her ear and Clarke’s attention snapped back at Lexa. But when she saw that her look was full of a mix of dread and fear for her answer, Clarke swallowed. “Have you seen the other’s?”

Clarke glanced up at the two unconscious dhampir’s and the dead moroi, but even though her throat was closing up she looked down on Lexa and forced the words out.

“Legacie and Skylar are here. They are unconscious at the moment and they have lost a lot of blood. But other than that, they seem to be alright.”

Lexa searched her eyes, but at the realization, she saw how her eyes began to tear. “And Monroe?” Her voice was cracked. Clarke’s eyes began to shimmer at the sound of it, but she took a deep breath and a stronger hold of Lexa’s hand.

“Monroe was very brave. And her death was fast.” Her voice didn’t hold long after that, but she didn’t need more words. Lexa’s eyes closed after hearing her tone, and now tears had begun to roll down her cheeks. Clarke felt how Lexa began to tremble and shrink in her embrace, and that only made her ache for her more. It was so hard to see her like this, but what had happened was a tragedy, and nothing else.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke croaked. “I’m so sorry that I didn’t stop her sooner. I’m sorry if I didn’t fight back. I’m sorry-”

“Clarke!” Lexa said loudly as she could and that made her rant cut short. “Stop.” She took a deep breath and continued.

“You did everything you could, and I know that Monroe would have been proud of going down standing strong with her head held high and behind a leader she knew was worthy of being believed in. I also believe that she did not...die...in vain. We will avenge every death, I promise.”

Clarke nodded and blinked a couple of times to get rid of the swimming vision. In the dark room there wasn’t much light, but in the little light there was Clarke could see that Lexa’s eyes were as shimmery as hers, and it made her eyes look like the most beautiful green canvas she’d ever laid her eyes on. They looked like what the universe looked like through shimmering green stardust with stars twinkling in the distance. Even in a situation like this, Clarke could still get lost in them.

“I thought I lost you,” Clarke said with a thick voice after a pause. Lexa still lay in Clarke’s embrace, still looking as vulnerable and hurt as when she died. That look made Clarke’s heart clench hard in her chest. Lexa wasn’t supposed to look like this. She was supposed to look strong and invincible because that’s what Clarke always saw. But seeing this… It somehow made Clarke realize that Lexa was invincible or immortal. Lexa could  _ die _ , for real the next time and that time Clarke may not be there in time to save her.

She felt how her eyes started watering again and when she felt one of Lexa’s hands touching her cheek, a tear fell, leaving a hot track in it’s wake.

“I’m still here,” she said. 

Clarke lowered her head down to hers so that she could rest her forehead on Lexa’s. She needed to feel her, to be absolutely certain that this was real, that this wasn’t her brain playing some dirty trick on her. Because if Lexa died, god Clarke couldn’t even form the thought in her head, then Clarke would die with her. There would be no more rebellion, because who would stand by her side? Who would be able to carry this enormous weight with her other than Lexa? There was no one. Sure, there were her people, but they expected her to be things. To be a leader, to be worthy, to be a queen and to be better. Lexa just expected her to be Clarke. 

“You can’t go anywhere,” Clarke whispered. “Because if you do-”

“I know,” Lexa said and this time, her voice sounded very thick too. “I know.”

 

They sat like that for hours it seemed. Just holding each other, feeling each others warmth and hearing each others bodies. Feeling that they were alive. At some point, Clarke lay down so that they could lay entangled in each others arms. Some time during those hours Legacie mumbled some sentence, and then their greif was reawakened because that reminded them of their fallen friend. But it wasn’t until a lot later that they actually got up, and it wasn’t because of simply stretching their legs.

The sound of an explosion.

Both Clarke and Lexa shot up from the ground, both of their bodies pumping with adrenaline as they focused all of their energy on their hearing. Apart from a slight swaying in Lexa’s posture, she stood up fairly good considering she had actually died a couple of hours earlier and being brought back to life. Clarke trew a worried glance her way, but after hearing another sound above them, she snapped back and inched back towards where Skylar and Legacie sat to protect them if necessary.

Both Clarke and Lexa kept their eyes on the door. At any moment, more strigoi could come in and who knows what consequences will follow. Clarke reached out her hand towards Lexa, she felt Lexa grab it and hold onto it like a lifeline. This might be it, this might be their last moments. Did she save Lexa only to have her die again, a maybe even more painful one, just a couple of hours later? Clarke got mad just thinking about it.

There were shouting in the hallway. It got closer. The sounds of doors being kicked in was heard multiple times. It was repeated two times, three times, four times and five times before anything happened to their door. But then the sound of a foot with immense force behind it was heard on there door, and Clarke’s grip on Lexa’s hand quadroupled. 

“Lexa, I love you,” Clarke said and looked towards her. Lexa met her eyes and nodded.

“I love you too, Clarke.”

And together they looked back at the door, preparing themselves for the worst. The door began to give in to the extreme force, and all of the sudden it burst open with a bang.

At first there was only darkness, but then slowly a figure emerged from the shadows followed by two more, and at first Clarke felt her body being activated into fight mode, but when her mind registered the first body and recognized who that face belonged to, she could feel her heart feel ten times lighter and she let out a relieved sob.

It was Lincoln. 

“Hey,” he shouted behind him. “I found them!”

Behind them Clarke could make out Octavia and Raven and Clarke almost fell to the ground. They were saved, finally this nightmare was over.

Clarke took a stumbling step towards them and was caught in the arms of Octavia the next second. “You scared me half to death, Griffin,” she whispered as she hugged her so tight she could feel her ribs cracking. But she didn’t mind, because she was saved. She could feel the happiness and relief seeping into her, but when she felt Octavia tense up at the sight behind her, she knew that her moment was over.

“Is that...no,” Octavia said and let go of Clarke to stumble over to Monroe’s lifeless body. “Oh god, no please,” she sobbed and took her heavy head in her hands. But when no signs of life appeared, Octavia let go of it with a sob and staggered to the side.

Raven checked Skylar and Legacie and stated that they were just unconcious, but suffering from major bloodloss so they needed to get back to campus as soon as possible.

“But Raven, how are you here?” Lexa asked and looked at them. “There were like a whole community of strigoi here, Nia and all of her people…”

“Nia?” Lincoln said, sounding furious. “Nia was here?”

“Yes,” Lexa said and looked at him with her jaw set. “I saw her.”

“Did you kill her?”

“No, I was too weak,” she spit out and look away. “She didn’t come and see me until a few days had passed. Or I don’t know, there wasn’t any windows so I have no idea of how long I was alone. But I was weak, that much I know. And she brought reinforcements with her. It wasn’t the time for my revenge.”

His nostrils flared, but he nodded. “Next time.” Lexa nodded.

Clarke looked between them, confused. Had something else happened with them, or was it all Costia? A question for when they got back.

“Anyways,” Raven said and looked at them. “Except for the two guards at the door, this place was empty. We came in three black vans, only volontueers. More of them are one floor up, each car took a floor.”

“Come on,” Octavia said and started to undo Skylar, Legacie an Monroe’s knots on their hands and feet. “Let’s get the hell out of here.” They all helped her and soon they helped carry the three unmoving bodies. Or, Lincoln, Octavia and Raven carried one each and Clarke and Lexa supported each other. Being without blood for so long had caused Clarke’s muscles to weaken so much to the point where they shook with exhuastion if she took more than five steps, and even Lexa started to feel the loss of blood, dhampirs needed blood too, just not in the same amount as the moroi. Being without it too long caused them to be weaker than normal, both physically and mentally.

It took them fifteen minutes of walking through corridors and through doors to finally reach the staircase. The whole damned place was like a labyrinth and they hoped they didn’t mind up in a place full of strigoi or something that the others had missed on the way to where they were held up.

When they got to the top of the staircase, it didn’t take long before all of the other’s came running. Echo, Bellamy, Niylah, Roan, Luna, Harper, Murphy and Emori and so many more that it made Clarke’s heart swell. 

Both Clarke and lexa had to squint so much that their eyes hurt, but the sun shone so bright and they had been shut into a room without any form of light in days so that would take some adjusting, plus the sun did not help Clarke’s case. She only had to look in the sun’s direction to start to sway on her feet, but she didn’t even have time to take a staggering step before she felt being swept up in someone’s arms.

She looked over at Lexa and saw that someone had scooped up her as well, and Clarke had to hold her tounge not to laugh at her expression, because even though she was exhuasted, she still managed to looked pissed that someone dared carrying her. But if Clarke was honest, she was thankful. She would have fainted if she took one more step. She looked up into her rescuers face and was met by Roan’s easy smile.

“Let’s go home,” he said and started walking, and Clarke was gone before even walking out of the front door.

**Author's Note:**

> So this story is something special to me, I've had an idea like this for a long time, I only hope that you will enjoy it as much as me!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are happily accepted!
> 
> My tumblr is @minnaaleheim if you want to ask me anything or want updating info, which I'll be posting there!


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